Devotion: The next path to take

"If you’re anything like me, faith often feels like “letting go.” Letting go of the things I can’t control, of the unnecessary worrying about tomorrow, of the constant lie to try to prove myself or earn my worth."

- Pat Barrett

It's 22nd Aug 2023, I'm being asked to take time off from telco work by my boss, to use this time to rest completely and recover. It's a time when Amelia is 2 yrs old, I'm 38, when I am considering a fulltime position in church. I just secured a corporate APAC accountant job with Unigra to explore another option, to just want to be sure of the market rate out there and whether I still can get back to finance. 

I took this time to rest, to ponder, to wander in between the lines of being with the family, having some time on my own. Perhaps I crave the time again when once I was young and my mind danced free with poetic rhythms uncluttered by the worries of the world.

I think I'm hearing God speak again.

Firstly, only God can give rest & recovery. By human means counsel can be given, a better environment provided, but true rest, the rest of the soul, from God alone. I am still learning what it means, will my soul find its restful place within the safe presence of God, or will I stubbornly continue to strive by willful self-ambition. Please, learn to put no confidence in the flesh, but to place full confidence in Jesus, serve Him by His spirit. Place assurance on His providence.

Watch out for those dogs, those evildoers, those mutilators of the flesh. For it is we who are the circumcision, we who serve God by his Spirit, who boast in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh.

Phil 3:2-3

 

Silence

The silence of the heart rest its soul in the wind that blows through the corridors of the house. It sees the silhouette of a dried dead baby breath against the tired sun. How long will it shine till its tired again, how long will the shadow cast till its sunset. If I lower my eyes can I raise it to heaven, if I look away will it miss my presence.

The wind flows through the breath of my baby in silence by the spinning fan. It feels the age of the dying cot in fresh paint against the softness of her cloth. How long can she shine before its radiance is tired again, how long will her sigh last till its quiet again. When she awakes will she see heaven in us, if I stumble will she forgive my humanness.

Does the silence speaks, and turns to rest. In its slight opened eyes does it see the silhouette of the ever-present comfort.

 Breathe, selah. And find strength to rise.

Henderson's

The silence in the cold dark

So much like a rustle in the heart

Its whisper vague flows

Fading like twinkles

Ponder a wrinkle backwards

Its rain drops on wetland and heart

Tell me a story

Of starry nights and future lights

Being in one sky in Henderson's park

The heaven in fulfilling

Redemption's blood

A December sea

A December sea after the great hurricane

Remnants of waves brought by and crashed

Smaller and persistent towards each other

Never ending turmoil and thunder

I was and still on the little

Floating hereby and wonder

In all fear in nature's hails of laughter

I see you

Walking on the unending upheaval

Standing its ground on violent waters

Like a ghost in my fearful sorrows

But your light showed its glorious wonder

Speak and approach the little

Stilling winter and caress baby waters

I step out in the rumbling giant

Feeling your hand steering through mists

And piercing through the engulfing darkness. 

Dependency

I just watched the movie "interstellar" with my fiance, it's this movie about astronauts finding new planets suitable for humans due to the earth will soon become inhabitable. There's one part of the movie where the main character gets sucked into the black hole and went into the 5th dimension where he is able to vaguely try to communicate to his daughter on earth in the past to pass a message that could save mankind. HAHA sounds far-fetched but it's a great deep long movie.

I got me thinking about time, how we were made to live in this non-stoppable treadmill which can only move forward, how our human minds can fathom and differentiate the past & present, and what are memories. Have you ever wondered that God has given us the gift of a brilliant mind that can specifically chronologically remember things and how a day goes, it would be havoc if our minds somehow can't put things in order and we would confuse when & what has happened, or remember them.

It is mind-blowing for me to think that God controls time. He sees the beginning and end of it, and all that is between. All the little humans, their joys and troubles, and they pass away and their souls transcend into His dimension of eternity. There's no real conclusion to this thought. just a mind wandering about the perception of time and also feet back to the ground to me in this small world of the daily people I meet, the people I love, my fiance, my family, colleagues and the work and the expectations and the life to live.

Why do I post the video above, cos it reminds me who I need most, that even when my time is up, I will always remember the God I know since my childhood, is an intimate & loving God.

Words words words through the years

It has been too long since I've written anything. It's gonna be midnight soon and I will be in bed. Just a quick few minutes browsing through my old blog posts and find a strange familiarity with the writings, strange because somehow it felt forgotten.

Thank God that I have grown so much over the years. It's true that unless you keep a journal, you won't realise how much you've grown, or appreciate the journey looking back, enjoying the present & anticipating the near future. 

It's 2014, too soon. Many things in mind, wedding preparation for next year, getting the house renovated, finish studies, try to do better at work. 

Church's worship workshop by Larry Sebastian just ended a few days ago, had a great time worshiping & drawing close to God to hear Him again. His voice, I'm glad, that there's no strange familiarity. It's always the same. 

Ok it is past midnight, and I shall write again. Before I grow too old, and before I lose.. or I should say - shall write again to ever maintain this sincerity, or hopefully some innocence of heart.

Thank you God, for this blessed journey.

Thank you, for time. 

The Calvinist - John Piper

The Calvinist from Desiring God on Vimeo.

See him on his knees,

Hear his constant pleas:
Heart of ev’ry aim:

“Hallowed be Your name.”

See him in the Word,

Helpless, cool, unstirred,

Heaping on the pyre

Heed until the fire.

See him with his books:

Tree beside the brooks,

Drinking at the root

Till the branch bear fruit.

See him with his pen:

Written line, and then,

Better thought preferred,

Deep from in the Word.

See him in the square,

Kept from subtle snare:

Unrelenting sleuth

On the scent of truth.

See him on the street,

Seeking to entreat,

Meek and treasuring:

“Do you know my King?”

See him in dispute,

Firm and resolute,

Driven by the fame

Of his Father’s name.

See him at his trade.

Done. The plan is made.

Men will have his skills,

If the Father wills.

See him at his meal,

Praying now to feel

Thanks and, be it graced,

God in ev’ry taste.

See him with his child:

Has he ever smiled

Such a smile before,

Playing on the floor?

See him with his wife,

Parable for life:

In this sacred scene

She is heaven’s queen.

See him stray. He groans.

“One is true,” he owns.

“What is left to me?

Fallibility.”

See him in lament

“Should I now repent?”

“Yes. And then proclaim:

All is for my fame.”

See him worshipping.

Watch the sinner sing,

Spared the burning flood

Only by the blood.

See him on the shore:

“Whence this ocean store?”

“From your God above,

Thimbleful of love.”

See him now asleep.

Watch the helpless reap,

But no credit take,

Just as when awake.

See him nearing death.

Listen to his breath,

Through the ebbing pain:

Final whisper: “Gain!”

Man & marriage

"Man was meant to be a bold creative artist who plunges into the unformed mystery of life and shapes it to a greater vision of beauty. At the Fall he became a cowardly, violent protector of nothing more than himself. Intimacy and openness were replaced by hiding and hatred. Marriage is the relationship where depravity is best exposed and where our dignity is best lived out."

-Dan Allender & Trempler Longman