When I survey / pages

I think I am one with my office chair. Ok, i'll stop the loathing.

Alan wrote a really beautiful email about our cell group today, it really warms my heart to see that, hey, there's actually this wonderful side in each of us. I think that email is classic, and Alan downplays himself when he is writing about himself, ha.

(my TnT cell group is awesome, if you're interested, ask Titus)

And solely for my own super-duper feel-good's sake, this is how he described me:

Always the bearer of very funny cold jokes as well as a very visual communicator with God. Victor has a very unique gift that is expressing himself in art forms. His two strongest anointing are music and poetry. God gives him something, he processes it, and shares it with the rest of us from the stage and from his blog. To us, Victor is a very special person in our eyes because he has such a character that is so likeable, so clever, yet so modest. We have a lot to learn from him. :) Currently, he's a busy dude working 42 hours a day so he has to skip CG sometimes, but we always welcome him with open arm. Pray that his workload will lessen as well.

haha. "yeah, woo hoo! but am i really that good? how weird it is to be seen as too artistic and seemed not normal", I heard myself.

Well, if it's true, I wish I could express myself better in person and in conversations, and wished I were really that clever. hehe.

Partly felt a little glad to be working, made me more practical, sensible and less cloudy. Loved the way you aged nearer to a level when love is spending time with others, patience, and seeing beauty in brutal reality and sincere weakness. Of course I am not there yet, let the first step urge the second ba.

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Pages
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Have you ever heard of the story of the legend of....? Where the common folk turns hero, maybe by dire circumstances, through the lost of something really important, or by hard work or chance. The story of a lifetime, the classic romance, the pauper turned prince, duckling to swan, darkness to sunrise, nerd to super-cool, insignificance to greatness, deepest impossible hurt/emptiness to healing and soaring.

Probably today there's nothing, but what if we are a character in a story, and the pages kept flipping. Given a chance, hold His pen, what would we choose to write or draw in the next page. Or if you are as speechless as I am when holding the heavy little pen, at least, what would we name the title of the next chapter, which page would we put a bookmark on, which page would we tear off/treasure. Which way would you look at, will you flip back, read the current page or flip forward first? Which page excites you most? The colorful ones, the empty ones, the torn ones, messy-writing ones, or neatly written and perfumed one?

What makes a great book? Of course a great cover would be the best, everybody sees the cover first. I guess. Oh ya, and then the contents, everything in the story went well, some cute little hiccups, but everything went really, really well. hmm.. What would the ending be? The friend who stayed loyal till the end when the world crash & burn? The square-peg and round-hole strangers who ended up in the greatest love story & marriage? Modern-day Robinson Crusoe? The dysfunctional family that changed the society for good? The predictable normal guy/girl who lived and wonders? The fearless and wild that ended up broke/rich with little tingles of uncommon sense and meaning?
What would u prefer? Fiction, non-fiction, children, self-help, religious, jokes, fantasy, instructional?

hmm..

If the character dies in the end, if even mid-way, will you read it? Will you skip the scary parts of the chapter? Will you first read the part where the character gets married to whom or stays single forever, what choices of further study is given and taken away, when will children be given, great chances being spotted and taken, any preventive steps to take note of, anything to prepare for?

Oh, I remembered. If we write our pages wrongly, we can always send it to our neighbour for review. Remember your neighbour? He is nice, but some people find him quirky, nosey. Some don't see him before therefore think there's no such guy in our neighbourhood. Some of my friends ignore him cos he's not really the type they hang out with.

As for my perfect little house, a little messy (actually a lot and some things falling apart) but perfect, he always come knocking on my door looking for a nice chat with fantastic fresh smelling cookies to offer. No strings attached.

After a while, guess what, i got to know that he is a New York bestseller author! What priviledge and chance to have him look through my self-written pages. He helps change the lines, adds vivid colour and dynamics to the storyline, but before this, he guides me on the technique and concepts of writing. I didn't know there is so much thought and effort needed in even writing a sentence, in plotting a good twist, to engage the senses and capture my heart and readers.

Now my book is better, in a way. At first I thought it won't be my book anymore due to the numerous amendments, but as I look through again from the first pages, seems like it brings out the best in me, of course it has the unmistakeable signatures of my neighbour, but strangely it is something I can call my own.

The book is currently going into the 3rd chapter, and it's already about 2-inches thick. Continue writing anyway, love it to bits. Lately he said that he's going away for a while, a conference somewhere, and asked that I give him the book a while and watch what surprising things he is able to write. He promised to keep in touch. Well, I am still not sure until now, in fact, it is my book right. Dunno la, I think i'll hold it for another day to decide.


--end, i think--

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I created a new survey at the right upper column, fill in ba. =) And i would love to hear comments if the above short passage makes u think.

i hate working for more than 13 hrs,

but there's peace in my heart, and something that tells me it's gonna be okay. Labour day's coming soon, and i'm gonna be so free to study, hehe.

I think I have already lost the artistic side of me, when all do is writing poetry, browsing art paintings, finding a good deviantart pix, visit nature, listening to music, play slow jazz and crazy rock on the drums, in a studio by the beach.

That phase is over, now i enjoy a call to my sis or close friends, mom's cooking, being with my family, waiting for bro to come home, listen to instrumental music/sermons, and lying on the bed talking to God till i fall asleep.

What's up with me.

So, do, la, fa, mi, do, re..

Sound of music in Belgium train station, fwded by Jeff. below, the prayer. Something nice to look n listen to after 1 illness & 1 passing away..

The Prayer - Josh Groban

I still could remember vividly what are the last few sentences she told me, a few weeks ago. She was actually scheduled to be the WL for coming Sunday's service upstairs, songs already selected by her. So, the songs will remain, will be led by yoyo.

"We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salver."

Martha

Putting down some excerpts & editions about the Martha/Mary thing.

Perhaps you have felt the same way. You've known the Lord your whole life, and yet you haven't found the peace and fulfillment you've always longed for. So you've stepped up the pace, hoping that in offering more service, somehow you will merit more love and respect. You volunteer for everything: you sing in the choir, you teach Sunday school, you took care of a group of teenagers, you visit the nursing home weekly. And yet you find yourself staring into the night and wondering if this is all there is.

Or perhaps you've withdrawn from service. You've gone the route I've described above and, frankly, you've had it. You've stopped volunteering, stopped saying yes. No one calls anymore. No one asks anymore. You're out of the loop and glad for it. And yet the peace and quiet holds no peace and quiet. The stillness hasn't led to the closer walk with God you've hoped for, just a sense of resentment. Your heart feels leaden and cold. You go to church; you go through the motions of worship, then leave and go home the same. And at night, sometimes you wonder, "What is the good news? Can someone tell me? I can't remember."

Or maybe you are somewhere caught or inter-woven in between. You've been here and done that, but there is this shadow of a dream, or a state of life and mind that feels like it is almost within your grasp but never attainable. You see somebody going to someone else, something got tied or messed up, somewhere you should be.

"What is the good news? Can someone tell me? I can't remember."

The good news is woven through the New Testament in a grace-filled strand that shine especially bright in the Gospel stories of Mary and Martha. The message is this: Salvation isn't about what I do; it's about what Jesus did.

The Cross did more than pay for my sins; it set me free from the bondage of the "shoulds" and "if onlys" and "what might have beens." And Jesus' words to Martha are the words he wants to speak to your heart and mine: "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed."

The "one thing" is not found in doing more.

It's found by sitting at his feet.

Catch that: Mary sat at his feet. She didn't move a muscle. She listened. She didn't come up with clever responses or a doctrinal thesis. Her gift was availability. (In the end, I believe that was Martha's gift as well.)

The only requirement for a deeper friendship with God is showing up with a heart open and ready to receive. Jesus said: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls". (Matt 11:28-29)

Jesus invites us to come and rest, to spend time with him in this incredible Living Room Intimacy. Intimacy that allows us to hear our Father's voice and discern our Father's will. Intimacy that so fills us with his love and his nature that it spills out to our dry, thirsty world in Kitchen Service.

In the Living Room. That's where it all begins. Down at his feet.

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Warning signs of a Martha overload. Five unrealistic expectations that can contribute to servant burnout, can you see yourself in the following false beliefs?

1. There should not be any limits to what I can do.

2. I have the capacity to help everyone.

3. I am the only person available to help.

4. I must never make a mistake.

5. I have the ability to change another person.

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Five strategies for fighting discouragement:

1. Allow for rest stops (naps, sleep a little earlier)

2. Get a new point of view (take a few steps back and ask God to help you see his perspective in your situation)

3. Have patience (easy to get discouraged when things don't go as planned. But if you've committed your concerns to the Lord, you can be sure he is at work, even when you don't see his hand) Rom 8:28

4. Mingle. (discouragement feeds off isolation, get out of your house, visit some friends. It's amazing how good ol' fellowship can lift our spirits & chase away the blues.)

5. Set the timer. (ok, so things aren't so good, I've found it helpful to set the oven timer and allow ten mins for a good cry. But when the buzzer sounds, I blow my nose, wipe my eyes, and surrender my situation to the Lord so I can move on)

and this video for all my friends who 'love' miley, haha. cut the cheesy moves, it's a good song really.

matter of perspective

So the journey continues. There's always the need to study a little bit more each day. And after visiting Mount E a few times, Orchard Road feels different now.

Once used to be the most happening place, and then became a place I travel by everyday, noticing the daily construction progress of Ion Orchard & Orchard Central. And eventually became nothingness but a facade. And now became just like any place but i prefer JB home.

They say cancer could change a person, didn't know it could change the people around them too.

On a separate matter, went to friend's mom dept in the same hospital, watch a very little infant sleeping in a special containment unit, with a tube stuck near his nose. So little, so fragile. You could almost hold his torso in your palm. yet still living and breathing, what a wonder to me.

I saw another covered containment, empty, i remember my parents told me how i had difficulty breathing when i was an infant, almost died sometimes.. wow, God, you have seen me before i was born, right till now, till my future, all my steps are ordained by you. When I see the little infant lying there, I get a glimpse of how much you love me.

Now i'm big and strong. erm, not that big and not that strong. normal la, ha.

Wish I could be a better person sometimes. But thank God for who I am, with peace.

Today is the day. =)

joy =)

when we cry

I sort of started to see things differently lately after what happened to my big sis. At first life seems to lose its meaning, and then it takes on a whole new meaning. Used to worry abt work, studies, ministry.. Now i've been thinking about life as a whole, as a morning fog, as a gift & abandonment unto God in every area of enjoyment, mundanity and struggles.

I remember the morning when I cried in pre-service, and how God's comfort comes like a friend. Ever prayed and felt God coming so real to u that ur heart will undeniably know he is right beside you? ... real comfort can come from His presence, His word, His promises.

There's this hope and strength that can drive you on, and it goes beyond human limitations. By this one God who exists, whom we can't see but believe in. He loves us. He knows us by name. We are His image and His likeness is shown in us.

And so this fire fuels the fierce, unrelenting passion in loving people and living life without regrets.

..

close friend had cancer..

..

less is more, more is more. ha

gonna move my PC to sis' place in Dover tomorrow night. so i will be using PC much less for the rest of the year, maybe.

i'll miss a lot of things.. but it's ok anyway. just blabber my heart out to God.

I wonder if one day God appears in my dream and take me for a ride in heaven, show me my room (hope that its awesome). and the food there..

or we can just sit on the edge of a cliff overlooking the beautiful sunset sinking into the sea down its endless skies, and talk forever while munching on some good stuffs like japanese octopus balls with choco and sushi handrolls, or american fat sandwich with bubble tea.

or going to a theme park together . screaming and laughing out loud while going through the thrills and scary darkness in the tunnel, coming out frightened but went in again anyway.

or we can go watch a good, long, sappy romantic comedy movie together, wearing real thick and warm while the aircon is so cold but not having the urge to go to the toilet. oh ya, not forgeting the hot melting caramel popcorns, nachos with dip and icy coke.

or we can watch a dvd at home in the living room in winter, beside the fireplace with mashmellows and some good books lying around with a large muffy carpet lying underneath.

ir we can simply soar into the sky, over the leaning tower, 12 apostles, my house, everybody else's houses (ha), chase dogs, pick apples from the tallest tree, fooling around a giraffe's head, scare passerbys (haha). eventually sitting on someone's roof, watching stars flicker and fly. and drift off into another dream.

or we can form a band, he plays the bass or guitar or a whole symphony, while i play the drums, the awesome coolest drums. In an open hall full of people, or none. he will have his limelight, i will try to have mine. we crash and be crazy, throw off our instruments, jump into a pool nearby and
dive into another world of fishes and corals.

or we can just play computer games.

ha. "what la"

God..
there's something about you that is so much, so much more which i don't know about.

Let my dreams run real wild with you. Let my thoughts run with you, let my heart be set on you.

randomness

went home as usual today, bypass orchard road, a car stopped by the red traffic light. A posh, big, 4WD. The lady inside looks familiar. I was standing right beside the car.

oh, it's Fann Wong.

gf

lately some people are sort of asking me or hinting me that it's time to find someone.
my best friend's getting married very soon anyway, in less than a year's time.

people who read this might want to comment something, so, let the comments come ba..

just wanna declare aloud that if u see me with girls/ladies, most likely they are my big sisters. it's nice sometimes cos i don't have a biological big sis and my big super bro is not around. my close friends gave me a lot of wise advice, genuine concern and superb reading materials. but of course my parents & own little sis are still the best. so i'm a lucky guy, ha.

anyway, tired.. want to sleep..

thank you God for today, for teaching me how to live in peace..

good friday's coming soon, yay, public holiday.

nite.

my heart & eyes r a little heavier today, but my God abounds in strength and grace.

Jesmond is leaving next week

This guy ar, last min wan wor. Coming weekend is his last weekend in church liao, then he'll be studying in KL - civil engineering. Same college as his brother.

Today after work suddenly one sms -

"hey bro, juz wanna inform u tat i'll b going off next week 2 kl to further my studies.... gOnna miss u a lot man :-) "


what the!!??!

Whack him when u see him yar! =P


Time flies, i have known him for years... since form 1, i think. There's something about him, quiet faithfulness in serving, something rare among the youth nowadays. I have seen how his drum skills improve, strong groove.

wow, now he's going. so fast. he used to run, but now i believe he will soar from here onwards.
He will start to lead, like how he used to gun in the above picture, ha, joking.

He will lead one day. =)