Wiped away

I managed to test my limit, and fell sick after lunch time today. haha. Pushed myself too hard in work ba, i guess, emailed my director and left office at 3pm to visit the company's clinic - raffles medical.

And as the lift went down 21 floors, step out to the sunlight, a hidden smile popped out of me =)
how nice it is to see the sunshine again in its full volume. I walked about 10mins, enjoying every minute of not being where i supposed to be. Listen closely, and you will find the rustling of trees louder than hidden sighs in passer-bys.

Briefly registered my name and company, sat on a coloured seat and loving the piano solo music playing in the background, i remembered how different it is 6 months ago. From being naive to, err, slightly less naive. Ha. Though i still shudder at the thought of calling overseas clients tomorrow.

Visited the doctor, took the expensive-looking but free meds.
Back to my desk, the whirlwind.


..

went out with my dutch cousin last night, he told me: "victor, you should do something that you will be happy about, happy inside."

well.. i am learning to be happy, i know this is where i am supposed to be in this season, it will not pass on that soon, it will likely get more serious. i will grow.

I am cultivating the habit of saying a longer prayer of thanks to God everytime i finished work, while walking to the mrt with head hanging half-low, whether it is 7, 8 or 9pm. And i am slowly gaining back perspective and surprisingly, joy.

When i can, i'll try to wipe away my yawning eyes. It's a new day tomorrow, and I will close my windows at 9.30pm today =)


oh yeah, check out the boy at min 2:18-2:26. I didn't know Joey could dance so well, and at junior Eurovision!! kudos to my cousin..




*for those ppl who have enough spare time to read this blog, pls read the below article..

Perfect love casts out fear

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.."
- 1 John 4:18


Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

by Joyce Meyer

There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. —1 John 4:18

In years past when I read this scripture, I misunderstood its meaning. I thought it was saying that if I could reach the place where I walked in perfect love toward other people, I would no longer experience fear in my own life. I diligently tried to love others, but it seemed like I always failed. I couldn’t even love them imperfectly, let alone perfectly!

I had a lot of fear in my life—fear that manifested as insecurity and mental torment of every kind. A fearful person worries and is anxious about many things, such as the past, the future, finances, what people think, etc. These constant companions literally bring torment. The King James version of 1 John 4:18 certainly describes fear accurately when it says that …fear hath torment….

There are many evil spirits that Satan uses to make people miserable, but I personally believe that fear is the master spirit. Fear seems to be the root of most of the problems that steal our peace. For example, if we find ourselves uncomfortable with a group of people, it is usually because we fear what they think of us. If we’re trying to control a situation, and it’s causing us to get into strife, it’s often because we’re afraid that we’ll be taken advantage of if we don't control everything.

THE CONTROL ISSUE

Trying to control people, circumstances, and even God is a hard task. As a matter of fact, it’s impossible. Out of fear, I spent many years trying to control everything and everyone. I was fearful of being hurt or taken advantage of, as I had been in the past. I had not yet learned about perfect love that casts out fear. I was busy being in charge of everything—being the great “choir director” of my life. The Holy Spirit wants to guide, direct and control us. If we allow Him, He’ll direct us into great blessings for our lives. We’re to operate in self-control and give the Holy Spirit control of our lives, but we should never try to control other people. Satan uses manipulation and control to get his way, but these aren’t the methods that God's children should use to get what they desire.

We are to trust God, pray about what we want, and believe that He’ll do what’s best for us at the right time. This is difficult to learn because all too often our experience with people teaches us not to trust. We must learn that people and God aren’t alike. All people are imperfect, and even those who try not to hurt others occasionally do. How can imperfect people love us with perfect love? If they could, we would have no fear. Our fears concerning people—being hurt and disappointed by them—would end. Because the emotional pain of rejection, judgment, betrayal, criticism, etc. is very real and devastating, we naturally avoid it once we have experienced it. It seems that people fall into one of two categories: they either withdraw in fear and live lonely lives where they avoid close relationships, or they want to have relationships but are never really able to develop proper ones because of all their fears. They end up controlling, manipulating, and being angry a lot. In general, their lives are frustrating because much of the time, they truly don't know what is wrong. They’re reacting from the pain of old wounds rather than acting on the truth of God's Word.

THE CURE FOR THE INSECURE

Insecurity is said to be an epidemic in today's society. There are so many insecure people trying to have relationships with other insecure people. The world calls this kind of relationship dysfunctional, which simply means they aren’t functioning properly.

Most people are raised in dysfunctional homes. They go into society and continue the dysfunction, and each generation adds to the last one's problems until society becomes increasingly more dysfunctional. There is, however, an answer. His name is Jesus Christ.

When Jesus said in John 14:6, ...I am the Way..., He not only meant that He’s the Way to the Father and the Way to heaven, but I believe He also meant that He’s the Way out of every wrong and messed up situation. If we invite Him, Jesus can get into the middle of dysfunctional lives and make them functional again. He restores, renews, redeems, reconciles and refreshes. Jesus is "re" everything. The prefix re means "to go back again, or to return to the starting place." Our heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, intends to get us back to the place where Satan messed things up and give us a new beginning. If we repent, He removes the reproach of the past and gives us a full recompense for our past hurts. Yes, Jesus is the only Way.

Why should Jesus help us in this manner? He does it because He is love—because He loves us. He’s God's gift of love to us. Jesus is the manifestation of perfect love. Only perfect love can cast out fear. One thing we need to concentrate on and seek God for is revelation about the love He has extended toward us.

Very few people have a deep and abiding revelation concerning the love of God. I believe God wants me to tell you that He loves you very much. That may sound simple, but it’s the most powerful thing you can believe. When we know without a doubt the perfect, complete love that God has for us, it will cause fear to lose its grip on our lives.


LEARNING TO ABIDE IN HIS LOVE

The word abide means "to dwell in or live." It does not refer to visiting. It refers to staying or remaining. I don't visit my house; I live in it. We should learn to live in the love of God. First John 4:16 in the Amplified translation brings out the point that we should become conscious and aware of the love God has for us. The knowledge of His love should not be some biblical fact to which we mentally assent, but it should be a daily, living reality in our lives. This scripture says we should observe it and experience it: And we know (understand, recognize, are conscious of, by observation and by experience) and believe (adhere to and put faith in and rely on) the love God cherishes for us. God is love, and he who dwells and continues in love dwells and continues in God, and God dwells and continues in him (I John 4:16).

I was so desperate for a revelation concerning the love of God, that several years ago I began to keep a journal of the things He did in my life that I believed displayed His love. No matter how small they were, I recorded them. This process helped me to become more conscious of His love. I needed to dwell in God's love because I needed a lot of healing. I was insecure and fearful, and I’ve found that the love of God is the cure for the insecure.

When people gave me things, I recorded it. When I was shown favor in situations, I recorded it. When God answered prayers and did things for me that I had requested, I recorded it. Many of the things I recorded seemed rather childish, but they were helping me become like the little child Jesus said we should be—a child who is trusting, humble, lowly and loving.

I believe God is showing His love for us daily in many different ways, but because we haven’t trained ourselves to be conscious of His love, we miss what He’s doing. His love is there, but it’s not a reality to us. Therefore, it doesn’t benefit us as it should.

Paul's prayer for the church, as recorded in the book of Ephesians, indicates how very important it is that we have a deep revelation concerning how much God loves us. Paul could have prayed for anything. He could have prayed for them to have power, to do miracles or to exercise authority over the devil, but Paul prayed for the church to be rooted deeply in God's love. Paul knew that was the starting point—the place from which every point starts—the place from which everything else grows. Power, miracles, victory and authority are all based on our being secure in the fact that God loves us.

Ephesians 3:17-19 says, May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, that you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God's devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it]; [that you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!

These scriptures make it clear that we need to experience His love—not just have head knowledge but a deep revelation—and that the roots of our being should be securely planted in His love.

THE FEAR OF LACK

There are endless varieties of fear, but one of the tormenting fears that many people suffer from is the fear of lack. They fear that their needs won’t be met—that God won’t come through in time. Hebrews 13:5,6 gives great comfort to those in this situation: Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?

You may be in a situation right now that you’ve never been in before. You may be facing new responsibility that you don't know how to handle. You may have needs that are beyond your resources and the spirit of fear is attacking you and telling you that you aren’t going to make it. You may feel all alone in your situation, like nobody cares. But God cares about you!

When God says in these scriptures to be satisfied with your present circumstances, He doesn’t mean that you cannot desire change. We should be content in Jesus, knowing that He has heard our prayers and believing that He’ll never fail us. We must learn how to enjoy where we are on the way to where we are going.

God is a God of progress. He’s never standing still. Even when it seems that absolutely nothing is happening in our lives, God is working behind the scene on things that He’ll manifest at exactly the right time. God is life, and life must flow otherwise it is no longer life. Dead things stagnate and no longer move, but life is always moving, stirring and making progress.

Beloved, God has a good plan for you, and He’ll manifest it right on time. Fear not! God is with you, and He’ll never leave you nor forsake you. He’ll not leave you without support! If you need financial support, He’ll provide. If it’s physical support you need, He’ll sustain you while you’re waiting for your full manifestation of healing. If you need emotional support, He’ll comfort you with the kind of comfort that only the Holy Spirit can give. He’ll nourish you and bring you back to a place of strength in every area of your life. God is for you. He is not against you. Satan is against you, but God is for you. The greater One lives in you! (See 1 John 4:4.)


LET NOTHING SEPARATE YOU FROM GOD'S LOVE

Romans 8:35-39 speaks to us about difficult times and how important it is not to allow them to separate us from God's love. I’ve discovered over the years that His love sustains me in times of great trial and stress. During hard times Satan works overtime trying to convince us that God doesn’t love us—that if He did, either we wouldn’t be in this situation, or He would’ve delivered us by now. I confess with my own mouth the truth that God does love me during these attacks of fear. I encourage you to say several times a day with confidence, "God loves me!" Don't allow the devil to steal this truth from you.

Ephesians 6:11-17 speaks of wearing spiritual armor during demonic attacks. One piece of that armor is the belt of truth. The Amplified Bible states that we are to tighten the belt of truth during attack. That means the truths we’ve learned from God's Word must be held onto tightly during trials.

Let me close with these scriptures from Romans 8:35-39, which I pray will comfort you right now: Who shall ever separate us from Christ's love? Shall suffering and affliction and tribulation? Or calamity and distress? Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword?

Even as it is written, For Thy sake we are put to death all the day long; we are regarded and counted as sheep for the slaughter. Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us.

For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

As long as you refuse to let anything separate you from God's love, you will have the victory!
=)



*vic: wow.......

Favourite scenes

Yay, finished work early enough, home at 8.30pm!! yay yay!!!!! haha. I don't have much to say, besides last week's busyness, working, studying, reading, writing, meeting friends. Finally i have a few minutes to write something. Just wanna go YouTube a while and publish a few unforgettable movie soundtracks/scenes.

so here it goes..

The Parent Trap handshake




When you're fetching E.T.




The daughter scene




My Gene Kelly fav =)




I Am Sam



edelweiss




The Ultimate Gift




Lastly, Moon river =) =) =)

now i know why i have work stress

I counted, and find that I am involved in 106 companies’ taxation matters.

Every Season

I was playing the intro of this song in conference room before the start of a meeting on 1 Jan, the only thing i know how to play on the piano, trying to remember the lyrics, telling titus how sad that i've lost this song. He searched his laptop for what i've sent him yrs ago, found it, and emailed it to me =)

Every season by Nicole Nordeman, one of my utmost favourite christian poetic song.

and so, for 2009, i've decided that this will be a year that i will focus on investing in people and my own studies. It's gonna be very difficult if i don't depend on Him, which will be good. hehe.
Let's find Him in every season..



Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children's games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and what's to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that's new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)

Told Boon Fei & Angela that it was a year 1950 movie, wrong fact, it's 1961, hehe. Breakfast at Tiffany's is one of those movies that you should watch before you die, lol. You can check out the wiki link for the plot & Audrey Hepburn. There's something about this movie that leaves me reeling for more, the light twist at the end of the movie makes a happy ending, though not entirely satisfying, as if the movie doesn't really end. A socialite, her fashion / lifestyle and choice of men, and the lonely nights with a love-struck stranger waiting at the door.


and the famous song that won an Oscar for itself..

"Moon River" music by Henry Mancini, lyrics by Johnny Mercer
	Moon River, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style some day. Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker, wherever you're going I'm going your way. Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see. We're after the same rainbow's end-- waiting 'round the bend, my huckleberry friend, Moon River and me. © 1961 Paramount Music Corporation, ASCAP

I would love to write something like this one day, the shortest simplest lyrics yet with the deepest meaning... .. ...

sigh.. sigh...

..

ok, it's 5am now, gotha go to work. bye everybody, have a nice friday. =)

Moon River - Andrea Ross

Moon River - Joey McIntyre

The awakening

It was definitely a wonderful Christmas. There are BBQs to savour, hanging out and chatting with many close friends and family, served in Krismas Kita, relax and enjoyed the memorable performance during the 25^th morning, bringing my non-christian primary school friend to some occasions. Glad to see her more receptive towards Christians, and one of her brother’s friend received Christ on one of the nights =) I received many simple but beautiful and useful gifts from my colleague and church buddies. I see relationships being restored / strengthened. I was sooo happy.

But until last night probably I was a little too overbearing, the 5-6 dinners to attend really tire me out and I was going back to s’pore feeling sad cos i don’t have time for myself. It’s actually my own fault for thinking I can go for all and expect to have time for myself too.. until.. My m'sia room & desk is messy for weeks and I don’t have time to clear it up.. not healthy… I must do some spring cleaning by 1 Jan.

So, last night was one of the Sunday nights where I find myself wondering why I have served God the whole weekend and still travel back to s’pore ‘jadedly’ with some water welled up in some sad eye. Though I have so much to be thankful, really, so so much.

Went back.. bathed and prepare to sleep, and asked that I may dream of God spending some time talking to me.

He did, but at a different timing. He woke me at 6.30am and told me to sit up and pray. I pleaded if He could let me lie down and pray cos I’m so sleepy… but no. =(

Too bad lo, sit n pray lo. And the moment I close my eyes, I saw a beautiful vision, of something which I won’t tell a soul… =P a big assurance, and His last parting words are: My grace is sufficient for you…

You can’t imagine how free & peaceful the rest that descends upon me.. =)

And so off to work I go, and now I gotha go liao, lunch time’s almost over.

...so challenged by this quote..

You might as well try to hear without ears or breathe without lungs, as to try to live a Christian life without the Spirit of God in your heart.
--D.L. Moody

Shadblow

Because the shad
are swimming
in our waters now,

breaching the skin
of the river with their
tarnished silvery fins,

heading upstream
straight for our tables
where already

knives and forks gleam
in anticipation, these trees
in the woods break

into flower - small, white
flags surrendering
to the season.


Linda Pastan
The Georgia Review, vol. LV, no. 2, Summer 2001

--------------------------------------------------



I am waiting for winter
and it's imaginary warm glow
in snow,

you know,
like little angels falling white as you take a glance
to a dancer spinning across a faraway lake
looking sky.

so,
make me a wish and I would secretly smile in my mind delight,
because you didn't know our hands are made to be together,
I will take it like a glove towards its master,
and make heaven dwell in our snowman.

we would run wild through any cold and summer,
warm a moody cloud and touch its cry,
laugh a hearty and sing in silver thunders.

so don't leave me, not at 10pm
when my eyes closed its deepest longing
t'wards the fading dove that fanned a sacred desire
in you.


~
i gotha go, there's work to do,
lots.


Victor Tan
The Bored review, vol. RIP, no. 1, fading Summer 2008


"sing in silver thunders", lol: silver - old, thunder - argument.

So much work

I have 6 piles of work, on my desk, under my desk, beside my desk… My uncompleted workload has occupied two long desks.

it's like u have to help the auditor to find any notices already issued from the IRAS since 1 Jan 08, then download & attach to him, and check if another company whether has ceased to elect us as tax agent, then go back to your own tax computation, get the draft P&L from another auditor by today because tomorrow the documents had to be sent back to America due to shutdown, and have to go two floors up to get the P&L and a whole bag of journal entries and audit working files, while coming back to the desk and continue doing work halfway, manager calls n go over she brief me about a dormant company to do, can refer to another company's case file. go back do work, halfway senior came over tells u to monitor the last two day's 7 client that i have done up the estimated chargeable income and another Notice advice to get it amended n send out before friday. go back to original work, client called for another team of auditors which is now in China, have to email them to liaise. go back to original work.. manager came again pass IRAS query to check past work for tax matters and do up an explanation to the government. still have 30+ other clients to file their work and do tabs. email inbox with 20-30 emails to organise in respective folders b4 another batch sends in again. go back to original work... client had email back more info on another client on its original dividend breakdown remitted from China (receipts in Chinese).

If in school, it's like you're taking english essay writing, chinese reading sessions, P.E , math lecture and tutorials all at the same time, and you're expected do take note of everything and NOT miss out on anything (if not you're considered inefficient, never learn and even need other people to make effort to remind you what you should remember), make minimal mistakes, organise all your work nicely and hand to teacher, and also monitor what u hand to teacher so that in two day's time u know what your teacher has/hasn't marked, amend ALL mistakes, learn, and pass it on to be published to the government. And while doing all these, help your friends in their homework.

I miss school/college. Work is challenging and when you've done all the work, the satisfaction can be.. great?

For now, HELP.

Merry Christmas.

Midnight ramblings

Moonlight reverie

September the 14th at 11, perfect timing
as I slid out of bed out of cool's window,
tugging sleepy warm pajamas in can't-wait's grip,
and lay there, just over the obscure red roof
under the misunderstood moonshine.

first the ceremonial solo huge gasp of night scent
and then watch nothingness reveal its being.

------------------------------------------

Goodbye means never having to leave

.

Gratitude of a sick boy

Hi, just wanna thank the numerous people who showed their concern. I'm fine, Sunday morning's blood test showed that it's not dengue, only any other viral infection. My temperature's not so high now, tomorrow will be my last exam paper & the following day will resume working.

I guess life will resume its busyness & blog entries will reduce again. hope that i'm gonna recover fully and be able to come to church on the coming weekend.

it's nice to have ppl sms/calling, even my cell member who (i think) likes to avoid me called me to ask how am i. hehe. of course my dad & sis cared me a lot, kudos for dad for taking care of me though he himself is sick too.

how foolish am i to live for dunno how many months without feeling any 'love'. Like Koon said, "love sick?", no, probably not feeling the love until now. lol.

傍晚的le4伤悲

*chinese star programme much better now, though still got problem with some words, good enough though, yay..


一个星期的“考试假”过得又快又漫长，开心带伤感。开心能暂时脱离工作，回家，吹海feng，看日落，读shu，听听歌，写一点诗；犹如已往的自由，过去留下的字迹。伤感的呢，应该是时间吧，怎me4 ye3 不能再倒退，弥补失望；好深隐，对不起自己在学业上的失望。

现在正开着周董，Mr J，義法廚房，北醫店的网zhan4.. 只为了听它的音yue4，想想少些梦想。

能像方文山写歌词，冰心写shu1，周董写曲，Emily Dickinson 写诗，著名gu3手玩音yue4的工作，试试一下。 或像哥哥能弹奏动听的音旋，John Williams 写感人的经典，或着做个 free-spirited 的 ang mo nang，在个个国家“游手好闲”， 哈哈。

tu1 然好想去台湾和ao4/欧洲，绕圈子，live a life. 知道很欠打，仿佛自己不属于现况，只待明天。


唉.. 醒醒吧... 。学xi2感恩，让昨天的wu1云成就今天的彩虹和明天的晴天梦想。



*刚刚发现有位美国女士八月时在我的英诗部落格留下 comment , 说写得很好。好开心唷 =P 是否考试后继续认真写诗呢？

Most - the bridge + writings

http://www.mostthemovie.com/


Having a week's exam leave, a good break from work to study, just want to write something before i resume studying again.. *light sigh*... Nice rite, the above video, quite the super. =)



Sky sigh

Once upon a time
In a faraway land where mystical creatures
talking trees and hidden treasures are not unheard of
There was a mind

.

Cut and jam and bring it back
to the lines in your eyes, of a certain set of thinking
about skyscrapers and running numbers.

.

Once chanced upon time
There was a soul pitted against itself in constraint conscience
Wrestle onto the floor to pronounce its winner.
No find.

.

So let the book breeze its blues and pencil rule,
Order order in your mesh messy heart or mind,
Conform to snake and ladder for life,
And at every turn,
Try to remember what is laughter and colour,
and how its sky sighs.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chicken toufu to the West

Baby turns boy turns trying-to-be-man turns chicken toufu.

Seeing the straight pathway across anything back to destiny,
he chose not even to walk the sand.

But turns and run, like anything, for anything goes
to the sea.

Legacy

An old MTV, but the msg's still fresh.. :)



I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such 'n such...it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an "Atta boy" or "Atta girl"
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
the temporary trappings of this world

Chorus:
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon destroy

Chorus

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well done" good and faithful one

海角七號 - 國境之南

國境之南

詞：嚴云農　曲：曾志豪
　

如果海會說話　如果風愛上砂

如果　有些想念遺忘在漫長的長假

我會聆聽浪花　讓風吹過頭髮

任記憶裡的愛情在時間潮汐裡喧嘩

非得等春天遠了夏天才近了

我是在回首時終於懂得（也許天氣永遠會那麼熱）

Tagged

I am tagged, thought that at my age won't be tagged, lol, wait, let me get my walking stick and reading glasses..
ehrrm, sorry Caleb, late response, i hope this tag is not more than a month ago.


1. Person who tagged you is?
Caleb Chandra Mohan bu zhi dao

2. Your relationship with him?
My friend, he laughs at my lousy jokes, makes me feel good abt myself. ......... lol.

3. Five impressions of him?
Good-lookin', smiles quite a lot, good in IT & rapping (also very knowledgeable in trendy music), nice guy, more than meets the eye. transformer!

4. The most memorable thing he has done for you?
Nothing le, hmm, the many times he laughs at my jokes ba.

5. Most memorable thing he has said to you?
no, i only remember the many times he smile.

6. If he becomes your lover, you will?
Yucks, i'm a guy.

7. If he becomes your lover, thing he has to improve on would be?
Be a girl.

8. If they become your enemy, you will?
i will do nothing.

9. What is it you want to tell him now?
That his future's gonna be stormy and bright?

10. Your overall impression on him is?
Nice guy, great taste in music & arts, loves the important ppl ard him, appreciates the current phase of life.

11. How do you think people around you will feel?
Eh, suddenly ask abt myself pulak, hey hey.

12. What do you love about yourself?
That i am different, and gone through many phases/circumstances that usual ppl don't.

13. What do you hate about yourself?
That i am different, and gone through many phases/circumstances that usual ppl don't.

14. The most ideal person you want to be.
Shrek, Obama, Titus. kidding.. I want to be stronger in character to pull thru overwhelming circumstances.

15. For people who love and care for you, say something to them.
Blah blah blah..

16. Tag ten people:
stella, yan, ye chow, thisisachainmailturnintoablog, reuben, vincent, xizhe. i think i have ten ppl alredy right, didn't hav my calculator with me..

17. Who is 6 having a relationship with?
Didn't have my clculator with me...

18. Is 9 a male or female?
no calculator no talk..

19. If 8 and 10 are together, would it be a good thing?
shit.

20. What is 2 studying about?
one..two... she's finished her studies already, she studies the bible.

21. When was the last time you had a chat with 3?
last sunday, i guess.

22. What kind of music band does 8 like?
no 8.

23. Does 1 have any siblings?
yes. fun dudes.

24. Will you woo 3?
no. but she's a nice & fun girl =)

25. How about 7?
boy.

26. Is 4 single?
besides titus, fu yao & jiuan, ya the rest is.

27. What is the surname of 5?
Tan, i think, dunno.

28. What is a hobby of 10?
no 10

29. Does 5 and 9 get along well?
no 9, i dunno whether reuben gets along well with himself, ask him lo.

30. Where is 2 studying at?
the bible.

31. Talk about something for 1?
she is the greatest older sister on this earth, not literally.

32. Have you tried developing feelings for 8?
yes, but there is no 8 right, how shad.

33. Where does 9 live?
in your mind.

34. What colour does 4 like?
dunno!

35. Are 1 and 5 best friends?
no

36. Does 6 have any pets?
dunno, guitar ba.

37. Is 7 the sexiest person in the world?
yes, go interview him.

38. What is 10 doing now?
psychic hotline? wrong number

Merry Christmas, ha.

Latest Christmas carol for 2008,

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.

It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town

It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake, HEY

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!

Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake, OH

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.

하나님은 너를 지키시는 자

God is our protector.

DHL is fast

I dunno abt the other courier companies, but DHL can send an office package from Shanghai to Singapore within 24 hours.

Naïve me: *clap clap*

serve or die

Very inspired by this story, indeed I have to always serve.. J

 

Dr. Paul Brand told me of a memorable Frenchman named Pierre, who had served in Parliament until he became disillusioned with the slow pace of political change. During a harsh winter, many Parisian beggars froze to death. In desperation, Pierre became a friar to work among them and organize the beggars themselves.

They divided into teams to scour the city for bottles. Next, he led them to build a warehouse out of discarded bricks and start a business processing the bottles. Finally, he gave each beggar responsibility to help another poorer than himself. The project caught on. In a few years he founded the charitable organization Emmaus.

Eventually, there were few beggars to be found in Paris. So Pierre went to India. “If I don’t find people worse off than my beggars,” he said, “this movement could turn inward. They’ll become a powerful, rich organization, and the whole spiritual impact will be lost. They’ll have no one to serve.”

At a leprosy colony in India, Pierre met patients worse off than his former beggars. Returning to France, he mobilized the beggars to build a leprosy ward at a hospital in India.

“It is you who have saved us,” he told the grateful patients. “We must serve or we die.”  — Philip Yancey

THINKING IT THROUGH
In Mark 10:35-37, what did James and John seek?
What did Jesus say about the world’s authority? (v.42).
How are followers of Christ to be different? (vv.43-45).

If you want a field of service, look around you.

 

說好的幸福呢

got to know abt this song's MV from esther's blog, nice.. there's one special thing abt jay chou's songs, that i will never tell you. ha.






作詞：方文山 作曲：周杰倫

妳的回話凌亂著 在這個時刻
我想起噴泉旁的白鴿 甜蜜散落了

情緒莫名的拉扯 我還愛妳呢
而妳斷斷續續唱著歌 假裝沒事了

時間過了 走了 愛情面臨選擇 妳冷了 倦了 我哭了
離開時的不快樂 妳用卡片手寫著 有些愛只給到這 真的痛了

怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了
開心與不開心一一細數著 妳再不捨
那些愛過的感覺都太深刻 我都還記得

妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢

妳的回話凌亂著 在這個時刻
我想起噴泉旁的白鴿 甜蜜散落了

情緒莫名的拉扯 我還愛妳呢
而妳斷斷續續唱著歌 假裝沒事了

時間過了 走了 愛情面臨選擇 妳冷了 倦了 我哭了
離開時的不快樂 妳用卡片手寫著 有些愛只給到這 真的痛了

怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了
開心與不開心一一細數著 妳再不捨
那些愛過的感覺都太深刻 我都還記得

妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢

怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了我都還記得

妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢

Gimme it!

From RBC – Our daily bread

 

James 3:13-18 

Two Kinds of Wisdom

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

------------------------

I heard the screams long before I could see him, but as I wheeled my grocery cart around to the next aisle of the store, there he was!

With angry tears streaming out of squinty eyes, the little boy was shouting, “Gimme it!” His mom glanced at me for a moment. I won’t debate the merits of her actions, but, embarrassed and worn down, she grabbed the cheap trinket and tossed it into her cart.

I think I recognized that kid. He looked a lot like me. Yes, I’ve often been the willful child. And sometimes I’ve even pleaded with God, “Why not? Why can’t I have it?” On occasion, God’s given me what I wanted, but not because I wore Him down. No, I think He wanted me to see what happens when I put myself in charge.

What we think is best is not necessarily the best that God desires for us. In Isaiah 55:8, the Lord said, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways.”

In his book Days of Grace, tennis champion Arthur Ashe paraphrased James 1:5 when he wrote this advice to his young daughter: “Ask God for the wisdom to know what is right, what God wants done, and the will to do it.”

That’s just the kind of sincere prayer that God wants to hear from His children.  — Cindy Hess Kasper

We can’t presume to know what’s best
When we begin to pray;
So we must ask, “What honors God?”
Then seek His will and way. —Sper

If God doesn’t give us what we ask for, we can be sure that He has something far better.

 

 

 

 

I realised

I realised that God likes to put me in situations where I couldn’t possibly live life without Him. Now I know in these situations that His mercy and grace will be able will shine through and lift me up to soar above every thingys.

 

So it’s all good. =)

 

Well, this past weekend is so packed with things to do that i don’t even have time to watch last week’s episode of Chuck. Haiz.. never mind, this coming Saturday must watch! =P

When everything..

Today, came back from work, my eyes fading after a week's worth of computer screen-watching putting it all in a day, dragging my feet here n there, went for a swim, today.. had no heart to study.. also had no motivation to think of drums, music, tax, accounts, except a little messy and casual poetry, inspired by Josh Groban's "my heart was home again"... the past few weekends, and days, getting more and more jaded. I guess besides JB home, i missed being home again, where i used to come to God just like that ("snap fingers")... maybe later i'll spend some time doing just that....



When everything comes back,
like water back to snow in streams flowing,
right to falling autumn with its leaves dropping,
joy and tears, across from its heart,
to its heart yearning.

i remember everything, akin to every window pane's memory,
it's vision of dream-like sunsets, wishful cleaning and fear of breaking,
every word and life came back to me the way it used to be,
from a Christmas betrayed to night beach star-view delight,
crouched beneath my mind,
some like a depressed hobbit, some like a innocent child in a playground,
filled with footprints in the sand, time-washed in waves and waves of true reality or self-perceived time.

where is my penny in my 3-yr old pocket,
i recall and sang even in troubles,
but now...

So it goes, history shows,
the desert must expand.
Rise and fall, bite the dust or shine in all vain glory.
walks stone hearts in clogs across all overly decorated valleys.
..

There's a bus that leaves at 8.15 and another at 10,
should i climb aboard, risk everything,
and ride it to the end.
Watch the hills like rollercoasters up against the sky,
saw how the eagles fly.

I couldn't take the bumpy journey, could i stop by, take a breather, be by myself and supposedly live life.

Been thinking, wondering, been asking why.

How the stock market works

How the Stock Market Works

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers.

"Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man, nor his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

 

There's a hero

Last friday was my happiest working day, going for the SGX Bull Run with the corporate team, ran the 3.2km around raffles place & across the esplanade bridge, get goodie bags & free drinks, and the bosses treat us all to yummy chicken & mutton satay, egg "hao jian", sugarcane, beer & stuffs. It's like mamak, except that i'm sitting in between the Directors & with the night ambience & breeze soaking in, amidst the joke & laughters, i am glad i work here. =)

Oh yeah, about the marathon, it was great, my first time participating in an official run, which has all the fla-flahs - the air-horn start with man blowing fires to heat it up, mediacorp artistes, radio DJs, numerous corporate sponsors... ya, all the fla-flahs..

how my leg aches now.. heh heh.

There are many other things in my mind which i am lazy to talk about, the awesome BBQ at Jacq's house, meeting the professional drummers from KL who are going to do a drum shed session (jam session) tomorrow @ Vineyard, catching up with friends, rushing to help buy a grand cake for my best friend GF's birthday, having to help light up 24 candles, seeing the glow on their faces.. how God put words in my mouth to talk during TEENz CG to encourage the members (u know i can't talk long).

Sometimes it feels like there are a hundred things going on and i have to put it in segments, daily, in order to remain sane; work, study & church. I'm happy that i still can come home to family during the weekends.

So, the weeks fly by and exams are coming soon.. Hark the humming of a mindless brain going through all the years of failures, picking up and studying again.

Enjoy the below. Cheers.

Janice & Sonya (koreans in Sydney)



Ginny Owens, my fav christian artise

Can I have this dance (HSM3)




Grace Cavalieri (1937– )

Dates

The silver from my mother’s mirror
gleams its stories
toward a light which drops and never breaks.
It says to tell the truth and

permanently shining, brings forth
an original day bright as this one
where children and other small creatures
played without threat

but the child’s story is never without fear—is it—
and seems to be made of remainders which either
want for love or some relief from it.

In the third grade the pyramids were presented to us
by Miss O’Malley
so kind that she would—
in honor of learning—
give us the key to Egypt
if she could.
Who would like to bring dates for all to taste?
Who can do this on the lunch hour? she asked.
Naturally I
—who could not imagine how—
said I would—
and, like a child with enough money to spend, ran
home with only one hour, one hour to ease
my dear mother who probably had
little money in the house, yet who bravely asked
“Shouldn’t you buy two packages for the class”
I said No.
Love and fear divided in my mind between
an ocean of children
and my mother’s troubled face,
“One package is all I need” I lied,
“Someone else will bring the rest”
(Children spend so much time persuading—
no wonder no one believes them).
Eight dates for twenty children
which would taste so sweet—
Miss O’Malley, always kind, cut the tiny squares
and I kept interrupting, hoping they
wouldn’t notice. After all
there wasn’t water in the land of pyramids . . . was
there . . . and
not too many trees,
probably hungry people and small rations there as well.

That day every one of us was a reflection of the other—
the children who ate their portions,
the mother at home worrying about her daughter’s gift,
the child thinking about her mother’s face,
and Miss O’Malley who, kind and earnest,
taught us all about a hardy people in an arid land
who gave what they had and could give nothing more.

© 1990, Grace Cavalieri, Trenton
grateful acknowlegement to Belle Mead Press

Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–1889)

God's Grandeur

The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man's smudge and shares man's smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

When compliments come from Dr M & his wife..

Put it in short, Dr M & his wife went to melbourne, a gala dinner held for them at richest suburb of Melbourne, my bro played a medley of patriotic songs, Malay folk songs, popular songs and also a church song.

Later the wife called for him, complimented him, chatted for a few mins, my bro also had a few words with Dr M.


Nice! =)

Nights in Rodanthe

I'm so glad that i get a "come-or-die" (jokin') with my best friend & his GF to watch this movie with me this coming thursday. It's been a long while since i watch a movie in the cinema, and for those who know me know that i love to watch sappy/deep movies that sometimes only girls would love to watch (hooyay & boohoo). ai ya, hopefully this movie's moral values don't go down the drain..

Well, sappy/deep movies, lots of music & lame jokes, compute tax for corporate clients & play drums professionally makes a good Victor :P

can't wait, yay!



And the next one i will definitely watch (dvd) is..
RENT. =)




Seasons of Love ("Rent" music video)



ALL
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

HOMELESS WOMAN
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

COLLINS
In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died.

ALL
It's time now to sing out,
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Seasons of love!

HOMELESS WOMAN (while ALL sing)
Oh you got to got to
Remember the love!
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love spread love
Measure measure your life in love.

FoodFair '08 & heart.

I think it all went well, i thoroughly enjoyed the weekend, though it's a little tiring. Seeing the TEENz tirelessly working everything to perfection, the decorations, dance, DJ-ing music, coordinating; the food being prepared; the fellowship enjoyed, satisfaction of serving God.

I had fun being with friends, cell group, I hate that it's all over now, have to drag my feet back to Singapore tonight =(

heh heh. I so glad to see Esther back for a while, with the cool group manning the photography stall. I love the company of alan, wei wan, my sis, alvin, ah lum, my cell members, danny, boon fei, angela, yan, and so many others. I think I really will start to miss people, last time i used to think that i couldn't survive without some movies and internet, now i think i can't survive without some time with people, mainly just slacking off & crapping with my parents, sister, good buddies & friends. It keeps me sane from the weekday mill run, or slogging off in the office & studying at night.

Being with people makes me feel human again :)
haha.

This morning I woke up early for foodfair & i was tremendously rewarded by this big, warm & orangy sun rise while on the way to church, so beautiful, especially when it's overlooking Taman Sentosa & the bridge to Permas Jaya. You can hear the 'wows' in the car from my sis n I.

I wonder if all these can last, friends do come & go like the rising & setting of the sun, everytime it happens & it's similar but different.

Time passes by fast, suddenly i am working & living a lonely city life, to & fro Raffles Place / Tanjong Pagar and Orchard Road everyday. Yet I feel unchanged.


Ever seen time & people fly by, grew up, and felt like your own life snail-pacing in a different path? Remembered His verse about our lives, like morning dew that stays only in a while and fades away.

I blinked, and my holiday's over, favourite movies turn 10 years-old, I work, my weekend's over, my old dreams evolved away, tasty fast foods become bland, life turned its face.

What is life and its supposed responsibility that summoned me out of my true phase?

Be changed, be ever changed, ever renewed in You, see from Your eyes, that you are good, ever good, ever loving, ever there, here, with me. That I am forever in your plans & arms, and i can ever see your face.

Your promises are true for me to live another day.

Home.. quick writings.

--


"Meet me by Paddington's",
In the sweetest smile by Audrey.
"Remember, that bookstore? Where I kinda spilled my..",

Ice-cream. How could I forget,
You used to absorb your mind in "book-bookies",
Dropped your favourite flavour,
don't mind the floor,
I have to clean up the tears.
(Chuckles)
"Forgive your old man, you're always little."

"So, we're gonna read some of those?"
Yeah, from fiction to poetry,
To.. oh yeah, your fav, photography.

You know I have to drag my feet again to one of your..
"Com'on, you love it!",
(I was waiting for this response, it gets me everytime),

Let's go then, I have some spare change
in my pocketful of sunshine.




Snowflakes like raindrops under a dark sky covered by light,
Walking like under an umbrella covered in blight.
Just waiting to be home, a few steps more, to take off.

稻香

對這個世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢繼續往前走
為什麼人要這麼的脆弱 墮落
請你打開電視看看
多少人為生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我們是不是該知足
珍惜一切 就算沒有擁有

還記得你說家是唯一的城堡 隨著稻香河流繼續奔跑
微微笑 小時候的夢我知道
不要哭 讓螢火蟲帶著你逃跑
鄉間的歌謠永遠的依靠
回家吧 回到最初的美好

不要這麼容易就想放棄 就像我說的
追不到的夢想 換個夢不就得了
為自己的人生鮮艷上色 先把愛塗上喜歡的顏色
笑一個吧 功成名就不是目的
讓自己快樂快樂這才叫做意義
童年的紙飛機 現在終於飛回我手裡
所謂的那快樂 赤腳在田裡追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂給叮到怕了 誰在偷笑呢
我靠著稻草人吹著風唱著歌睡著了
哦 哦 午后吉他在蟲鳴中更清脆
哦 哦 陽光灑在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切 就算沒有擁有

還記得你說家是唯一的城堡 隨著稻香河流繼續奔跑
微微笑 小時候的夢我知道
不要哭讓螢火蟲帶著你逃跑 鄉間的歌謠永遠的依靠
回家吧 回到最初的美好

work & eat

These two days very stressed at work cos suddenly got a lot a lot of companies to handle..

 

Eat junk again in office today, junk food bought in Japan by one of the managers, in a small packet, got 9 different types of junk food, nice!!!  

accapella & beatbox in the train

1997 Boy band. nice singing, just don't watch too long, ha.



People Get Ready

People get ready
There's a train a-comming
You don't need no baggage
Just a-get on board
All you need is faith
To hear the deisel hummin'
You don't need no ticket no no
Just thank the Lord
People get ready
For the train to Jordon
It's picking up passengers
From coast to coast
Faith is the key
Open the doors and board on
There's room for all
Amongst who love the most

There ain't no room
For the hopeless sinner
Who would hurt all mankind
Just to save his own
Have pity on those
Who's chances grow thinner
There's no hiding place
In the kingdom's throne

People get ready
(people get ready)
People get ready
(c'mon people)
People get ready
(woah)
People get ready

People get ready
(people get ready)
People get ready
(come i'll tell ya people)
People get ready
(woah)
People get ready

C'mon people get ready
There's a train a-comming
You don't need no baggage
Just a-get on board
All you need is some faith
To hear the deisel hummin'
You don't need no ticket no no
Just thank the Lord

C'mon people get ready
(people get ready)
There's a train a-comming
(train a-commin' - yeah)
You don't need no baggage
Just a-get on board
(no no)
All you need is some faith
(need is faith
To hear the deisel hummin'
(oh oh)
You don't need no ticket no no
(no ticket)
Just thank ..
Just thank the
Lord
We just thank the Lord






how i wish to witness this in the mrt..