Death and the gunny sack

Though it seems (from reading my blog) that i have already started work, but no, but yay(!), just received email from my HR manager congratulating me on getting my S Pass approval from the government. Gonna start work this week! =)

I just finished chatting with Esther who happens to be online and it was nice, considering that i rarely go online for the past many months, not yet with job, the best thing I could do is to re-connect or catch up with my buddies before I slip and slide into boring exciting workforce. See the "boring exciting"? This guy (me) has clearly no idea how does working in an audit firm's office will feel like..

Had a late dinner 5 mins ago at 9+pm, prior to this spend some hours at my close friends' house and had fun playing congkak with their cute little niece. I was being told about my blog, to write something about death. It kept me thinking for a while while riding home, I'm not very old with lots of experience, i didn't just attended a funeral, i am thinking solely on my perspective....



Death.
or maybe, DEATH.
or, death...
death!


The times I have encountered death, when my bike meets the back of a car, when once it slides two-three feet and stop right next to an ignorant driver. When my classmates died a few years ago, or somebody's elderly relative or parents..

I used to wonder about what if I die early? Everything is in God's hands right, if I die early, might be good wad.. There are numerous things I should do, or could have done before i go. Once told God, if I am to die this year, let it be after Christmas, not that i want to drag until the end of the year, but cos I am chosen to be the drummer for the rally, I want to have fun playing, seeing myself being a part of the team, a part of the night when ppl come to Christ. Teach more drums, earn more money to invest in important things like ppl and the multi-storey carpark. Talk to friends, build solid friendships and just be there. Talk enough to my mom and dad, and my sister. Then I will die happy, and whoever who cried in my funeral and said how wasted is this young life & its potential - I will rise up fom my casket, grab the person's collar and say: "Do you know better than God?"

haha, sounded like a scene from a Tim Burton movie.


Thank God for death, because it urges us that before death we have to live a life. Death ends our "lao ya" body and upgrades us into eternity. Death creates time, death makes us do extraordinary things. Death defines love, defines sacrifice. Death turns into new life. Death shows us our true colours, death inspires courage. Death searches our souls for compassion and simple humanity. Death ends the temporary things. Death signifies the ending of the ultimate race, then you can finally go back to the father.

~

I remember when I was very young, my elder brother was participating in this kindergarten sports day. I was wearing an awesome t-shirt and simple pants, with my cap on. Bro was kinda sitting with his friends on the field, waiting for the opening ceremony or start of the individual races.

It is all a haze now, but I sure was with my dad and mom, and he is out there. One of the races is the "gunny sack race", where you have to put yourself in the gunny sack and keep jumping while holding the mouth of the sack at waist line, till you reach the end. Imagine the cheers coming from the crowd of parents and siblings, beads of sweat from young little foreheads, struggling and leaping another step forward, and the priceless gleam in the eyes of the champion. After the race, legs freed from the gunny sack, running towards daddy and mummy to be back with them; feeling proud, asking whether they have seen him, showing off the medal...


Likewise, in this life when we are born into temporary gunny sacks, I don't want to get used to being bound in rough patches, I want to learn to leap towards my final destiny with gusto. Yeah, gusto - vigorous and enthusiastic enjoyment despite the mud and callouses. Not gonna earn money just to decorate my gunny sack, not gonna sulk about other people's advantages, not gonna complain about holding on. I will enjoy the wind pressing pass my face, I will hear my father cheering on louder than any grunts or rantings.

And when I push through the finish line, letting go of my gunny sack, my life, my love ones, my reputation, money, legacy, my all; meet death, receive my medal, feel my legs again and run back into daddy's arms.. then I will know why there is a gunny-sack race, and how warm is my father's embrace.

... so..and just..

Working - looking

This might be my final entry.
There might be a hiatus for a few days/months/years?

And if you are thinking how is he (me) now, he is most likely to be working, or working overtime, night swimming at the orchard condo, taking night classes, self-studying, chatting with his roommates, or listening to music. Nothing else, on the outside.

Inside, the mind just keeps thinking about life, how nice is the cool breeze, work, accounting issues/updates, trying to do his work well & impress the boss, wondering where does life go on from here, church ministry, how are my friends doing, how's family, little inner conflicts, finance issues, analysing the next batch of music, talking to God, learning to appreciate the deviation of dreams and little things in life..

And once in a while, smiling rather sheepishly. heh heh =)


I felt that this won't be the ending ba. After more than 2 weeks without the internet, having to check email at cyber cafe every morning & night (besides seeing young ppl indulging in cyber world & a mom ridiculously treating the place as a daycare), I lost the appetite to blog. Thoughts venture into conversations with parents, friends and mentor instead, which is healthier ba.

Lately God has spoken through dreams, interesting dreams, the latest one (few nights ago) is Morgan Freeman saying to me: "You must die to yourself." This dream i can remember for a long time..

When I think back of the past month it's like a huge but quick whirlwind: pressing on hard for exams, looking a job, finding one, and now waiting for the approval of singapore work permit.. Praise God for the amazing journey through it all and starting a new chapter in my life.


Looking at the survey at the upper right hand section, maybe at my age (23) is really a good time to enjoy life. When it is still a tad early to be anxious looking for a partner, when you're a freshie full of energy to conquer the world, when the phase of angst & hating your teenage life is over, when you have learned to accept and walk with a little more faith in God over circumstances.


There is less sentimental music.
aniticipate life, lah.

~la.



When living streams flow through the desert, even the most hopeless soul sings.




Desert Song

VERSE 1:

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

VERSE 2:

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

CHORUS:

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

VERSE 3:

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

BRIDGE:

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

VERSE 4:

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

why no blog

cos internet connection at home is too slow, can't even login to Gmail.
i think for more than 2 weeks liao.. TM dudes said they will fix it tomorrow...



anyway, I got the job at shenton way, signed letter of offer yesterday, gonna start work soon =)

waiting game

went for an interview at Shenton Way, gotten a very favourable response. Got a call from PriceWaterhouseCoopers in KL..

The waiting game is not fun. heh heh