Saturday

I think i worked too hard till the point of exhaustion, 'cause i can't function well on last saturday, to attend to church meetings & practices, but after a good night's sleep, some of it went away, along with the slight depression that comes with it. the unexpected lucrative job rewards doesn't help much too, besides the good feeling for a few hours.

I question myself frequently, about meaning of life and definition of living for Christ. I question about relationships, there are so many things I have thought through yet not understand.

Coming week is yet another busy one, i think consideration for staff benefit & actual maintenance of operations may be slightly lacking but I am considering how to start the slow momentum towards a paradigm shift to better holistic growth. big words, small actions - trouble with literature. no, trouble with myself. action, action, motivation & initiation for better control. Start with appreciation & understanding, end with growth? How to push without encouraging staff turnover? I am far from shouldering the heavier responsibility but these have kept me intrigue by human nature and its reaction towards work.

Problem is I think too much and lacked experience to improve this, and i spend too much time FB-ing & watching videos rather than practicing what i really wanted to do - grow. And once again I have to whisk in the strong arm - discipline.

Office risk

There is a certain uneasiness i am all too familiar, it sounded like the first confused moment i had in my baby steps in the taxation fire ladder. so what makes it now in a different environment, had my eyes been like calloused feelings to the surrounding demands, and how had my gentle tone seemed nauseous to your audacious attitude resounding professional pride which should not be the pillar of a sound company, should it be, shoot it please.

The Country (poem)

I wondered about you
when you told me never to leave
a box of wooden, strike-anywhere matches
lying around the house because the mice

might get into them and start a fire.
But your face was absolutely straight
when you twisted the lid down on the round tin
where the matches, you said, are always stowed.

Who could sleep that night?
Who could whisk away the thought
of the one unlikely mouse
padding along a cold water pipe

behind the floral wallpaper
gripping a single wooden match
between the needles of his teeth?
Who could not see him rounding a corner,

the blue tip scratching against a rough-hewn beam,
the sudden flare, and the creature
for one bright, shining moment
suddenly thrust ahead of his time -

now a fire-starter, now a torchbearer
in a forgotten ritual, little brown druid
illuminating some ancient night.
Who could fail to notice,

lit up in the blazing insulation,
the tiny looks of wonderment on the faces of his fellow mice, onetime inhabitants
of what once was your house in the country?

Bday wish.. =P

Beautiful night

It was sunset gleaming with pride before fading off
the monday night pasar malam had its usual homey atmosphere
uncles aunties that sold stuffs since my childhood days were still around
chinese new year is near so there's the festive mood
firecrackers, sky lanterns
mommy holding child & home clothes

and i walked back to the car with packed dinner & hot tao fu fa.
this is JB, this is home

quick one

1. God saved me from another almost-accident, from the anxious traffic law-breaking black BMW.
2. After prayer meeting, parents said i played drums well, long time never hear me play
3. I was the one who is heavily burdened, i didn't work or study during today's public holiday, i didn't go out n play, but i still looked drained n exhausted.

goodnight.

Still..

Still.. there are things so deep a person forgets to forget.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNnYTgpgkQM



I will soon. And I will seriously write poetry again someday.

10 things to note abt career

10. Understand your strengths & weaknesses
9. Build up your tool box
8. Go beyond your comfort zone
7. Be a team player
6. Under promise, over deliver
5. Communicate, communicate
4. Understand simple F/S, good business fundamentals
3. Build trust
2. You own your career
1. Seek God's guidance by His timing.

JJ Heller - What love really means

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please…
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who’ll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, “I know you’ve murdered
And I know you’ve lied
And I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I…”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you

Made for more..

Don't care about money don't care about fame
Not chasing some great accolade
Oh I want more
I've never been much for flattery
So don't waste that kind of talk on me
Oh I want more

More than this whole world can offer
More than all that time destroys
And all I've wanted here can't satisfy my wanting
'Cause I was made made for more

Well I've climbed as high as status goes
But I've got social vertigo
Oh I want more
Never thought my gifts would seal my worth
I never wanted fans just wanted church
Oh I want more

And after all I wasn't made for here
But I give myself to all you gave

Well I want to see my kids grow old
And always have your hand to hold
Oh I was made made for more
Made for more


Isaiah 58 9:12

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

I'm very touched by God in this morning's sermon by uncle Chong Hiang and during altar call. The call to live for eternity is once again being reminded.

Character vs Comfort
Give vs Get
Eternity vs Temporary

Have I spent too much time preparing to stay but don't spend time preparing to go?


And was being shown a glimpse of the heart of God during altar call about the cry of the people in need, kept weeping.. funnily somebody (not church staff) that prayed for me thought i was crying cos very hurt n heart-broken made me very confused and laughable after. =P
not blaming that person though, it's only less than a year since the BGR ended and i still lead a simpler lifestyle. what can one say, when i rode the motorbike in the rain to meet my (then) girlfriend's parents for dinner in the first meet, when i was still working 13-15hrs a day.

i spoke to parents about perspective, and they reprimanded me about something very important
which made it clear to me about what God was teaching about these days. Cos i was very concerned about how people perceived me and why did they treat me as somebody i'm not.

"The reason why people's negative words had so much effect on you, is because you are not grounded on the word of God."

"oh...."

Will I look to God, read & learn from His word always?

Quoting the above bible verse, will I do away with ungodliness? Will I do away with finger-pointing n malicious talk, and really, start spending on the hungry & oppressed? How rare are the people I know that are not in need? How blind can my eyes go & mind wander?

Christ's love will compel us to love, and nobody will live for themselves while facing eternity.

I was made for more, more than self-gain, more than wealth & worries. I am made to love you and live your higher calling. This is where it begins - daily.




C.T. Studd, part of 7 cambridge graduates who devote their lives being missionaries.

Only One Life ~ C.T. Studd

Two little lines I heard one day,Traveling along life's busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in 'that day' my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God's holy will to cleave;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e'er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, "twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say,"Thy will be done";
And when at last I'll hear the call, I know I'll say "twas worth it all";
Only one life,'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

reading BIBLE =)

before 1 Jan 2011 passes by too long, it's an excellent opportunity to catch up on following any "finish the bible in 1 year plan" =)