The Calvinist - John Piper

The Calvinist from Desiring God on Vimeo.

See him on his knees,

Hear his constant pleas:
Heart of ev’ry aim:

“Hallowed be Your name.”

See him in the Word,

Helpless, cool, unstirred,

Heaping on the pyre

Heed until the fire.

See him with his books:

Tree beside the brooks,

Drinking at the root

Till the branch bear fruit.

See him with his pen:

Written line, and then,

Better thought preferred,

Deep from in the Word.

See him in the square,

Kept from subtle snare:

Unrelenting sleuth

On the scent of truth.

See him on the street,

Seeking to entreat,

Meek and treasuring:

“Do you know my King?”

See him in dispute,

Firm and resolute,

Driven by the fame

Of his Father’s name.

See him at his trade.

Done. The plan is made.

Men will have his skills,

If the Father wills.

See him at his meal,

Praying now to feel

Thanks and, be it graced,

God in ev’ry taste.

See him with his child:

Has he ever smiled

Such a smile before,

Playing on the floor?

See him with his wife,

Parable for life:

In this sacred scene

She is heaven’s queen.

See him stray. He groans.

“One is true,” he owns.

“What is left to me?

Fallibility.”

See him in lament

“Should I now repent?”

“Yes. And then proclaim:

All is for my fame.”

See him worshipping.

Watch the sinner sing,

Spared the burning flood

Only by the blood.

See him on the shore:

“Whence this ocean store?”

“From your God above,

Thimbleful of love.”

See him now asleep.

Watch the helpless reap,

But no credit take,

Just as when awake.

See him nearing death.

Listen to his breath,

Through the ebbing pain:

Final whisper: “Gain!”

Man & marriage

"Man was meant to be a bold creative artist who plunges into the unformed mystery of life and shapes it to a greater vision of beauty. At the Fall he became a cowardly, violent protector of nothing more than himself. Intimacy and openness were replaced by hiding and hatred. Marriage is the relationship where depravity is best exposed and where our dignity is best lived out."

-Dan Allender & Trempler Longman

The linen dance

"Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord with all his might, while he and all Israel were bringing up the ark of the Lord with shouts and the sound of trumpets. 

As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart. 

When David returned home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, “How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!” 

David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord ’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor.” 

And Michal daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death." 

(2 Samuel 6:14-16, 20-23 NIV)

~

It was a joyous celebration again, after a fatal incident when Uzzah tried to save the ark from falling to ground, the ark was placed in Obed-Edom, David was angry & afraid of God, and in the 3 months God blessed Obed-Edom, till David was convinced and finally brought it back to the City of David.

And he danced with such celebration by wearing the ephod, a simple piece of vest-like clothing usually wore by the priest over their robes. A powerful king stooped down, wearing a symbol of ministry & servanthood, half-naked, dancing with the crowds. He could be leaping from side to side following the rhythms of the trumpets, or to the shouts & cheers from the crowd. The boy who probably once danced & sang to the Lord alone in the wilderness/pastures with the flock is now expressing himself fully with the people.

How many times have I despised those who seem to be so weird at worship during service. The ones whose hands never stop trembling, the extremely jubilant, the avid dancer, the super concentrated, and the clubbing moves.

God never delights just in my style of worship, or just my style of reverence to Him. If He would mind, probably we will have a dispute in heaven someday, and segregate into zones of varying level of preferences.

But He delights in the praises that comes from a pure heart, whether coming from singing reserved to the choir on stage, or the hipsters that turn the pulpit into a dance floor.         

Moonlight

Moon sits, fingers raised
and its melody plays
a secret song for my heart

and it flows like melted chocolate
into liquid gold, into a freed pigeon
stretching its chest wide open
taking in a first deep breath
like a child's first big grasp
or a sudden Jack Frost..
Cold yet warm
A heavier sense of light.

CLCN worship seminar 2013

It is a long but meaningful week after taking 2 days off from work to be a drums instructor for CLCN worship seminar. During the seminar, besides teaching about drums, I get to dwell in God's presence during intimate worship, learned about worship from other musicians, worship leaders, song writers & speakers; and enjoyed the interaction with other people from churches all over. At the last day I brought my girlfriend over for the last session to worship together & pray specifically for different churches, I am glad that she enjoys it thoroughly, to be able to serve & pray together is such a joy beyond the usual dating of movies/hanging around/kite flying.

I like it, although it sounds unusual to be taking 2 precious days off (don't know why a part of my mind is saying why can't it be spent on studies or vacation), getting too tired & fell sick on the Monday back to work, but it is so worth it. Maybe I have caught a glimpse of how is it being like Mary sitting & listening than to be caught up by "all the preparations" (Luke 10:40) of being an assistant accountant who studies & worries about the company affairs.

"You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one"
(Luke 10:41-42)

Meaning & relationship

"Meaning in life is not found in fulfilling divine purposes, but in a relationship with God". -Jan Johnson (Living a Purpose-Full Life)

Quiet

“With our whole heart, soul, mind, strength and fortitude; with our whole understanding, powers, effort, affection, and feeling; with every desire and wish, let us love the Lord our God who gives each of us our body, our soul, our life; who creates, redeems, and saves us by mercy alone; who does all good for us, the miserable, wretched, rotten, and ungrateful. Let us desire nothing else, want nothing else, delight in nothing else, except our Creator, Redeemer and Savior who alone is good; who alone is holy. Let nothing hinder, separate, or come between us.” —St. Francis of Assisi

Movie & eulogy for a classmate

I had an eventful week, thinking that I could relax after my accounting exam, right after my exam ended, I went all the way to a secondary school friend's house & brought him to the cinema. He risked his life protecting his parents from robbers (armed with knives & guns) was being cut over & over again, left his arm dangling to the hospital & had a 5-hr surgery. After which he is just sitting at home resting n doing nothing, waiting for friends to bring him out to chill.

I listened to the long story of real bravery & not even a word of complain from him, watched movie, n after that, very "bro"-ly, patted each other's shoulder & said bye. He felt appreciated, I was inspired. There is nothing spoken in his Facebook wall, silent are the real men living in our days.

2 days later, it's my primary school friend's memorial service. I don't know what was I doing the night before, thinking & thinking, nothing much written but it took hours until I slept late at night. And then the following afternoon, I gave the most difficult 5-min speech in my life - the eulogy for a classmate who committed suicide.

When I was preparing for exams, all I cared was about the exam. After it was over, life struck back in. And it dawned on me that I need the right perspective from God in order to overcome this unpredictable life. Sure, there is the problem of pain & the problem of pleasure. But there is hope, the biggest, surest, only hope. We can see it in the rain, in loud crashes, silent 'fade aways', brightest day & darkest night.

Jesus.

~


No one knew the torment,
that you were going through;
We only kept on seeing 
What we really wanted to.

We saw the outward smile, 
but not your inner pain;
We never really dreamt, 
That you would never smile again.

Forgive us if we failed to see, 
What we could do to aid;
Or if we failed to comprehend, 
How much you were afraid.

We pray your mental anguish, 
Will now forever cease;
And that your deep anxieties,
Will be replaced by peace.

We know your pain invaded,
Every single thought you had;
It made you cry internally,
And deeply, deeply sad.

But we in turn remember,
The good times, not the bad;
We remember when you smiled at us,
And not when you were sad.

So when we think about your life,
We won't dwell upon its close;
We'll remember all the good times,
And forget about life's blows.

We'll remember all the happiness,
The joy and not the tears;
The assurance and the confidence,
And not irrational fears. 

Our lives have all been better,
Because you have been there;
So now we leave your memory,
In God's all-loving care.

(c) 2008 Dick Underwood

Draw my lines

This video really encouraged me to draw my lines & reaffirmed how I should lead my life. It is times like this where I need to come back to focus, lest should days becomes years & pass by.

Definition of sin

“Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself.”
Susanna Wesley (Letter, June 8, 1725)

In the evening sun

I received a very special gift from my girlfriend, a limited edition indie poetic album by Dawn Fung signed & addressed to us :) 

This song is being played in the car, "Home with You", even as the idyllic piano and guitar intro is being played, something happened to me, something that hasn't happen in a long time, tears just welled up in my eyes, the sense of worth is being renewed and the longing for home, longing to say, to feel, to word my heart came back..

"Hold my hand through the valley of my years, 

wipe my tears with the story of your love.."

"Teacher, you who calm the storn

set the fire to my heart

light the way back home.."

Sometimes I don't know where I am now, but I know I am on the way home. As much as tired hands can hold or as much as a homesick heart could want to belong, I know that I am on my way home. 

Do you know my heart, do you ever hear my thoughts, do you really see me at my birth? The moment I opened my eyes or the first cry, are you really there? Have you thought of me on the cross, and bear my pain long before I knew? Show me again, your love, higher than the sky, deeper than the obscure heart, clearer than a spoken word. 

We need a lasting promise, remind us again. 

"Lay me down by your shoulder now to rest

Keep me warm when reason turns too cold

In worship, I'll adorn you with my praise

You rest me now, I'll be home again someday.."

:')

Thank you, for the hand to hold.

Lines

My days are like lines, lines that open itself when the alarm wakes, moving the boulder body while outside, always stringing tightly at the sides and loosely are the lines waiting for wet clothes' day hug. Lines of traffic anticipating your grimace either in your driving or mood swing, lines of choruses & beats bouncing in your ears as the outlines of your workplace becomes clearer and nearer. Lines of human robots waiting in line at the turnstile to work and the warm silver linings of the sky.

Coffee.

Learning to love & listen

I am thankful to God for this phase of life. Being attached recently & juggling with various commitments is a new challenge and I need to learn to stay real focused & be disciplined enough to get things done (and also not put too many things in the plate & be overwhelmed) & have the time to breathe and live.

As January 2013 ends I am being reminded again of what was placed in my heart this year, to learn to love & listen, whether be it to God & loved ones, and be rekindled of what it means to live a life of love and not merely by the demands of responsibilities.

I've listened to a podcast that talks about living a life of awe, how children have this sense of awe towards their father and the things around them. And it stirs me to recall how I was so aware of the very ordinary things that exudes beauty which now I was too engrossed in my fast-paced life to notice. A frosty airplane window, the sunset, sky, sea winds, the way the light shines through a door to the tile and reflects to the ceiling, the way we enjoy life & laughed, a smile. :)

and lately it kept coming back to me, what it means to love You, maker of beauty, nature, work & life. Have I slowed down enough to recognise You in all my surroundings, have I made You my own, as much as You called me Yours.

So as the clock continues to tick, I know as life deepens & bonds with love with others; or from another perspective, as time ebbs away to the day closer & closer to meeting You face to face, I know I have intentionally & gladly made my life's direction pointing towards You. And when the day comes, I am not meeting a divine stranger, but like how a dancer recognises his long lost familiar dancing partner, how a child is so engrossed in his play and hears the familiar sound of dad coming home, knowing so clear I was made to love You, for now and for eternity. 

Forgetful

I remember now. The times when I younger when I saw this photo by Hideaki Hamada. I remember how time stood still while flying, the dreams and day and day dream. I was hungry and I ate and I am happy until I am hungry but I ate again. There is always food, like how there is always love. Mummy is always at home and papa definitely comes home. Evening. Bicycle. Do you feel like dreaming again, or was it a dream? It was a memory, no it was real, but it passed, but it still lives. We are all still around. We love life to be still but it grows. Why. Because it is not yet the end. When will be the end. There is no end. We grow we transit, we climb like the boy up the stair in a bloody hot sun, or we lie down and imagined and lay our arm across our face, our close eyes, or was it opened? I can't remember. I only remember, it was a warm beautiful hot sun.