Saturday

I think i worked too hard till the point of exhaustion, 'cause i can't function well on last saturday, to attend to church meetings & practices, but after a good night's sleep, some of it went away, along with the slight depression that comes with it. the unexpected lucrative job rewards doesn't help much too, besides the good feeling for a few hours.

I question myself frequently, about meaning of life and definition of living for Christ. I question about relationships, there are so many things I have thought through yet not understand.

Coming week is yet another busy one, i think consideration for staff benefit & actual maintenance of operations may be slightly lacking but I am considering how to start the slow momentum towards a paradigm shift to better holistic growth. big words, small actions - trouble with literature. no, trouble with myself. action, action, motivation & initiation for better control. Start with appreciation & understanding, end with growth? How to push without encouraging staff turnover? I am far from shouldering the heavier responsibility but these have kept me intrigue by human nature and its reaction towards work.

Problem is I think too much and lacked experience to improve this, and i spend too much time FB-ing & watching videos rather than practicing what i really wanted to do - grow. And once again I have to whisk in the strong arm - discipline.

Office risk

There is a certain uneasiness i am all too familiar, it sounded like the first confused moment i had in my baby steps in the taxation fire ladder. so what makes it now in a different environment, had my eyes been like calloused feelings to the surrounding demands, and how had my gentle tone seemed nauseous to your audacious attitude resounding professional pride which should not be the pillar of a sound company, should it be, shoot it please.

The Country (poem)

I wondered about you
when you told me never to leave
a box of wooden, strike-anywhere matches
lying around the house because the mice

might get into them and start a fire.
But your face was absolutely straight
when you twisted the lid down on the round tin
where the matches, you said, are always stowed.

Who could sleep that night?
Who could whisk away the thought
of the one unlikely mouse
padding along a cold water pipe

behind the floral wallpaper
gripping a single wooden match
between the needles of his teeth?
Who could not see him rounding a corner,

the blue tip scratching against a rough-hewn beam,
the sudden flare, and the creature
for one bright, shining moment
suddenly thrust ahead of his time -

now a fire-starter, now a torchbearer
in a forgotten ritual, little brown druid
illuminating some ancient night.
Who could fail to notice,

lit up in the blazing insulation,
the tiny looks of wonderment on the faces of his fellow mice, onetime inhabitants
of what once was your house in the country?

Bday wish.. =P

Beautiful night

It was sunset gleaming with pride before fading off
the monday night pasar malam had its usual homey atmosphere
uncles aunties that sold stuffs since my childhood days were still around
chinese new year is near so there's the festive mood
firecrackers, sky lanterns
mommy holding child & home clothes

and i walked back to the car with packed dinner & hot tao fu fa.
this is JB, this is home

quick one

1. God saved me from another almost-accident, from the anxious traffic law-breaking black BMW.
2. After prayer meeting, parents said i played drums well, long time never hear me play
3. I was the one who is heavily burdened, i didn't work or study during today's public holiday, i didn't go out n play, but i still looked drained n exhausted.

goodnight.

Still..

Still.. there are things so deep a person forgets to forget.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNnYTgpgkQM



I will soon. And I will seriously write poetry again someday.

10 things to note abt career

10. Understand your strengths & weaknesses
9. Build up your tool box
8. Go beyond your comfort zone
7. Be a team player
6. Under promise, over deliver
5. Communicate, communicate
4. Understand simple F/S, good business fundamentals
3. Build trust
2. You own your career
1. Seek God's guidance by His timing.

JJ Heller - What love really means

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please…
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who’ll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, “I know you’ve murdered
And I know you’ve lied
And I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I…”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you

Made for more..

Don't care about money don't care about fame
Not chasing some great accolade
Oh I want more
I've never been much for flattery
So don't waste that kind of talk on me
Oh I want more

More than this whole world can offer
More than all that time destroys
And all I've wanted here can't satisfy my wanting
'Cause I was made made for more

Well I've climbed as high as status goes
But I've got social vertigo
Oh I want more
Never thought my gifts would seal my worth
I never wanted fans just wanted church
Oh I want more

And after all I wasn't made for here
But I give myself to all you gave

Well I want to see my kids grow old
And always have your hand to hold
Oh I was made made for more
Made for more


Isaiah 58 9:12

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

I'm very touched by God in this morning's sermon by uncle Chong Hiang and during altar call. The call to live for eternity is once again being reminded.

Character vs Comfort
Give vs Get
Eternity vs Temporary

Have I spent too much time preparing to stay but don't spend time preparing to go?


And was being shown a glimpse of the heart of God during altar call about the cry of the people in need, kept weeping.. funnily somebody (not church staff) that prayed for me thought i was crying cos very hurt n heart-broken made me very confused and laughable after. =P
not blaming that person though, it's only less than a year since the BGR ended and i still lead a simpler lifestyle. what can one say, when i rode the motorbike in the rain to meet my (then) girlfriend's parents for dinner in the first meet, when i was still working 13-15hrs a day.

i spoke to parents about perspective, and they reprimanded me about something very important
which made it clear to me about what God was teaching about these days. Cos i was very concerned about how people perceived me and why did they treat me as somebody i'm not.

"The reason why people's negative words had so much effect on you, is because you are not grounded on the word of God."

"oh...."

Will I look to God, read & learn from His word always?

Quoting the above bible verse, will I do away with ungodliness? Will I do away with finger-pointing n malicious talk, and really, start spending on the hungry & oppressed? How rare are the people I know that are not in need? How blind can my eyes go & mind wander?

Christ's love will compel us to love, and nobody will live for themselves while facing eternity.

I was made for more, more than self-gain, more than wealth & worries. I am made to love you and live your higher calling. This is where it begins - daily.




C.T. Studd, part of 7 cambridge graduates who devote their lives being missionaries.

Only One Life ~ C.T. Studd

Two little lines I heard one day,Traveling along life's busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in 'that day' my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God's holy will to cleave;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e'er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, "twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say,"Thy will be done";
And when at last I'll hear the call, I know I'll say "twas worth it all";
Only one life,'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

reading BIBLE =)

before 1 Jan 2011 passes by too long, it's an excellent opportunity to catch up on following any "finish the bible in 1 year plan" =)

2010 ending, last words.

Many things happened this 2010 yr..

The joy of building up and pain in accepting the break of a new relationship
The months spent thinking about career path & meaning of life and eventually quit the audit job
the crazy job... the crazy, crazy audit job...
The journey thru church doors and Cambodia orphan homes
The new found job without job-searching and worries of west africa & india, the RM500 million acquisition..
Moving back to JB
Juggling of work demands, ministry needs, study requirement and lack of proper social life sometimes
Internal struggles, barely avoiding breaking point and complicated thoughts
The joy of guiding and watching the younger ones grow
learning n guiding senior staff
Stresses in the feeling of incompetence followed by God's deliverance
Procrastination & inhumane perseverance
Tiredness, exhaustion.

Yet God is faithful, and His grace and strength is overwhelming.
What would next year be? What multitude of experiences awaiting? What joy & peace in Christ through all circumstances?

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

You are ever faithful.. =)

"With everything that You've started in me, I believe that You will be faithful"

~Lincoln Brewster ("Best Days", 2010)

Till then before the 31 Dec countdown, spend time withdrawing myself to seek the Lord and renew my mind for a fresh start =)

Lincoln Brewster - Best days

awesome christmas-eve movie!!! =D

Merry Christmas

Luke 2

The Birth of Jesus

¹ In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to their own town to register.

⁴ So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

²¹ On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.

Jesus Presented in the Temple

²² When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord ²³ (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”), ²⁴ and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”

²⁵ Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. ²⁶ It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. ²⁷ Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, ²⁸ Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:

²⁹ “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you may now dismiss your servant in peace.
³⁰ For my eyes have seen your salvation,
³¹ which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:
³² a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
and the glory of your people Israel.”

³³ The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. ³⁴ Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, ³⁵ so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”

³⁶ There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, ³⁷ and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. ³⁸ Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.

³⁹ When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. ⁴⁰ And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.

The Boy Jesus at the Temple

⁴¹ Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. ⁴² When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom. ⁴³ After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. ⁴⁴ Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. ⁴⁵ When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. ⁴⁶ After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. ⁴⁸ When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”

⁴⁹ “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” ⁵⁰ But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

⁵¹ Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. ⁵² And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

Revelation 12

The Woman and the Dragon

¹ A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. ² She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. ³ Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. ⁴ Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. ⁵ She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter.”And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. ⁶ The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.

⁷ Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. ⁸ But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. ⁹ The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

¹⁰ Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
¹¹ They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
¹² Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short.”

¹³ When the dragon saw that he had been hurled to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. ¹⁴ The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so that she might fly to the place prepared for her in the wilderness, where she would be taken care of for a time, times and half a time, out of the serpent’s reach. ¹⁵ Then from his mouth the serpent spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the torrent. ¹⁶ But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. ¹⁷ Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring—those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.

Joy of serving the next generation

*When too tired, printscreen =P

Your best years are ahead ~~

short & sweet ~





& Simplicity ~

1st day back to office after exam

1st day back to office after exam, and i got called for discussion by the GM, senior accountant & treasury dept even before i find my seat, and later on again called to the GM room for discussion.
and then in 30 mins whisk away for a full day's seminar n discussion on implementation of SAP.

how small & busy i felt but still gotha cope & improve...

"oh the kid's gotha learn a lot"

Who you hang out with

When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

~ Acts 4:13

Only memories

As of mid-Dec 2010, all my colleagues in the same audit team in my previous firm has resigned & left. What's left are only memories of the crazy hours, extreme stresses, wide exposure and fun we had while coping with them.

All went back to their respective countries, indonesia, australia, china, me malaysia, another further to UK. All have gotten stronger & wiser...

sigh.. memories..