The awakening

It was definitely a wonderful Christmas. There are BBQs to savour, hanging out and chatting with many close friends and family, served in Krismas Kita, relax and enjoyed the memorable performance during the 25^th morning, bringing my non-christian primary school friend to some occasions. Glad to see her more receptive towards Christians, and one of her brother’s friend received Christ on one of the nights =) I received many simple but beautiful and useful gifts from my colleague and church buddies. I see relationships being restored / strengthened. I was sooo happy.

But until last night probably I was a little too overbearing, the 5-6 dinners to attend really tire me out and I was going back to s’pore feeling sad cos i don’t have time for myself. It’s actually my own fault for thinking I can go for all and expect to have time for myself too.. until.. My m'sia room & desk is messy for weeks and I don’t have time to clear it up.. not healthy… I must do some spring cleaning by 1 Jan.

So, last night was one of the Sunday nights where I find myself wondering why I have served God the whole weekend and still travel back to s’pore ‘jadedly’ with some water welled up in some sad eye. Though I have so much to be thankful, really, so so much.

Went back.. bathed and prepare to sleep, and asked that I may dream of God spending some time talking to me.

He did, but at a different timing. He woke me at 6.30am and told me to sit up and pray. I pleaded if He could let me lie down and pray cos I’m so sleepy… but no. =(

Too bad lo, sit n pray lo. And the moment I close my eyes, I saw a beautiful vision, of something which I won’t tell a soul… =P a big assurance, and His last parting words are: My grace is sufficient for you…

You can’t imagine how free & peaceful the rest that descends upon me.. =)

And so off to work I go, and now I gotha go liao, lunch time’s almost over.

...so challenged by this quote..

You might as well try to hear without ears or breathe without lungs, as to try to live a Christian life without the Spirit of God in your heart.
--D.L. Moody

Shadblow

Because the shad
are swimming
in our waters now,

breaching the skin
of the river with their
tarnished silvery fins,

heading upstream
straight for our tables
where already

knives and forks gleam
in anticipation, these trees
in the woods break

into flower - small, white
flags surrendering
to the season.


Linda Pastan
The Georgia Review, vol. LV, no. 2, Summer 2001

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I am waiting for winter
and it's imaginary warm glow
in snow,

you know,
like little angels falling white as you take a glance
to a dancer spinning across a faraway lake
looking sky.

so,
make me a wish and I would secretly smile in my mind delight,
because you didn't know our hands are made to be together,
I will take it like a glove towards its master,
and make heaven dwell in our snowman.

we would run wild through any cold and summer,
warm a moody cloud and touch its cry,
laugh a hearty and sing in silver thunders.

so don't leave me, not at 10pm
when my eyes closed its deepest longing
t'wards the fading dove that fanned a sacred desire
in you.


~
i gotha go, there's work to do,
lots.


Victor Tan
The Bored review, vol. RIP, no. 1, fading Summer 2008


"sing in silver thunders", lol: silver - old, thunder - argument.

So much work

I have 6 piles of work, on my desk, under my desk, beside my desk… My uncompleted workload has occupied two long desks.

it's like u have to help the auditor to find any notices already issued from the IRAS since 1 Jan 08, then download & attach to him, and check if another company whether has ceased to elect us as tax agent, then go back to your own tax computation, get the draft P&L from another auditor by today because tomorrow the documents had to be sent back to America due to shutdown, and have to go two floors up to get the P&L and a whole bag of journal entries and audit working files, while coming back to the desk and continue doing work halfway, manager calls n go over she brief me about a dormant company to do, can refer to another company's case file. go back do work, halfway senior came over tells u to monitor the last two day's 7 client that i have done up the estimated chargeable income and another Notice advice to get it amended n send out before friday. go back to original work, client called for another team of auditors which is now in China, have to email them to liaise. go back to original work.. manager came again pass IRAS query to check past work for tax matters and do up an explanation to the government. still have 30+ other clients to file their work and do tabs. email inbox with 20-30 emails to organise in respective folders b4 another batch sends in again. go back to original work... client had email back more info on another client on its original dividend breakdown remitted from China (receipts in Chinese).

If in school, it's like you're taking english essay writing, chinese reading sessions, P.E , math lecture and tutorials all at the same time, and you're expected do take note of everything and NOT miss out on anything (if not you're considered inefficient, never learn and even need other people to make effort to remind you what you should remember), make minimal mistakes, organise all your work nicely and hand to teacher, and also monitor what u hand to teacher so that in two day's time u know what your teacher has/hasn't marked, amend ALL mistakes, learn, and pass it on to be published to the government. And while doing all these, help your friends in their homework.

I miss school/college. Work is challenging and when you've done all the work, the satisfaction can be.. great?

For now, HELP.

Merry Christmas.

Midnight ramblings

Moonlight reverie

September the 14th at 11, perfect timing
as I slid out of bed out of cool's window,
tugging sleepy warm pajamas in can't-wait's grip,
and lay there, just over the obscure red roof
under the misunderstood moonshine.

first the ceremonial solo huge gasp of night scent
and then watch nothingness reveal its being.

------------------------------------------

Goodbye means never having to leave

.

Gratitude of a sick boy

Hi, just wanna thank the numerous people who showed their concern. I'm fine, Sunday morning's blood test showed that it's not dengue, only any other viral infection. My temperature's not so high now, tomorrow will be my last exam paper & the following day will resume working.

I guess life will resume its busyness & blog entries will reduce again. hope that i'm gonna recover fully and be able to come to church on the coming weekend.

it's nice to have ppl sms/calling, even my cell member who (i think) likes to avoid me called me to ask how am i. hehe. of course my dad & sis cared me a lot, kudos for dad for taking care of me though he himself is sick too.

how foolish am i to live for dunno how many months without feeling any 'love'. Like Koon said, "love sick?", no, probably not feeling the love until now. lol.

傍晚的le4伤悲

*chinese star programme much better now, though still got problem with some words, good enough though, yay..


一个星期的“考试假”过得又快又漫长，开心带伤感。开心能暂时脱离工作，回家，吹海feng，看日落，读shu，听听歌，写一点诗；犹如已往的自由，过去留下的字迹。伤感的呢，应该是时间吧，怎me4 ye3 不能再倒退，弥补失望；好深隐，对不起自己在学业上的失望。

现在正开着周董，Mr J，義法廚房，北醫店的网zhan4.. 只为了听它的音yue4，想想少些梦想。

能像方文山写歌词，冰心写shu1，周董写曲，Emily Dickinson 写诗，著名gu3手玩音yue4的工作，试试一下。 或像哥哥能弹奏动听的音旋，John Williams 写感人的经典，或着做个 free-spirited 的 ang mo nang，在个个国家“游手好闲”， 哈哈。

tu1 然好想去台湾和ao4/欧洲，绕圈子，live a life. 知道很欠打，仿佛自己不属于现况，只待明天。


唉.. 醒醒吧... 。学xi2感恩，让昨天的wu1云成就今天的彩虹和明天的晴天梦想。



*刚刚发现有位美国女士八月时在我的英诗部落格留下 comment , 说写得很好。好开心唷 =P 是否考试后继续认真写诗呢？

Most - the bridge + writings

http://www.mostthemovie.com/


Having a week's exam leave, a good break from work to study, just want to write something before i resume studying again.. *light sigh*... Nice rite, the above video, quite the super. =)



Sky sigh

Once upon a time
In a faraway land where mystical creatures
talking trees and hidden treasures are not unheard of
There was a mind

.

Cut and jam and bring it back
to the lines in your eyes, of a certain set of thinking
about skyscrapers and running numbers.

.

Once chanced upon time
There was a soul pitted against itself in constraint conscience
Wrestle onto the floor to pronounce its winner.
No find.

.

So let the book breeze its blues and pencil rule,
Order order in your mesh messy heart or mind,
Conform to snake and ladder for life,
And at every turn,
Try to remember what is laughter and colour,
and how its sky sighs.


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Chicken toufu to the West

Baby turns boy turns trying-to-be-man turns chicken toufu.

Seeing the straight pathway across anything back to destiny,
he chose not even to walk the sand.

But turns and run, like anything, for anything goes
to the sea.