wise

somebody said all the predicaments paid the sacrifice to make me a wiser person..
sigh... can't feel much wiser, the eyes felt older though..


iWise

Sunset musings

it is the sunset sky n family that makes me stay.

and today, on a Sunday, while on the way back after packing dinner for family, the sunset rests above the flowing trees on a windy slow fall. Simply - beautiful.

Would it be more wonderful? I asked Him would it be made true in the future, for the waves would never stop for its beaches. Would it be made true, in the breath of a thousand sighs and quiet wishes. In the tired grip on the steering wheels at the end of the day, after the laughs of young teenagers and aged adults, or the smiling distant faces and fading memories. Could You search it once again today, the heart which yearns for something, search it through and through, a heart longing to be home with You.

Wipe my invisible tears, O Lord. Just want to be quiet in Your love. To be still and know that the heart of hearts is given to you, for I know I can trust in your love. I can be still... I can be still.

It's beautiful to me

"It's beautiful to me
Your holy mystery
I'm standing here in awe
Of how you make everything
So beautiful to me
Someday I will see
How You hold this wounded heart
And make it perfect and complete
And it's beautiful to me
Beautiful"

~Kerrie Roberts

=)

tendency

if for anything i start developing a habit of pushing myself until the brink of falling sick; if not then slack like nobody's business, seldom have healthy consistency.. better rest more now.... and change.

Sundays

Glad to find a photo that depicts the current feeling, tired & thinking. This Sunday surprised to find my neighbour (a 12-yr old blind boy) sitting at the front portion in the church hall after i played the drums, he came to english service just because i'm there.. wow. (supposed to be at bilingual service with mum) Mom's now looking for ways to get him a Braille bible.

If there is anything attributable to my own effort & success, it is never my circle of influence. I find God can mold me through the years and place people in my life to be a positive impact to them, not by the sheer effort of wanting to influence people, but by abiding in Him and he will somehow open a way for me to walk in the specific path He prepared. And it seems that nowadays it is the path of picking up those left behind and stand by the broken-hearted. And as soon as I start to think how great am I to be doing this and resumed doing this my way with my method, I start to get tired easily. Now you know why I'm tired, ha.

If to sum up what I've observed over these few years, is that the path to greatness (fulfilling life's calling / live life most satisfactorily) seems to be a path to smallness. Maybe that's why they called it ministry, all the "mini's" and you have to "try", sort of, ha. You shall increase, I shall (either the hard or easy way) decrease.


"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."
~Solomon (Ecc 12:13)


Christmas wish this year:
- Friends and family healthy, fruitful & happy
- Pass my exams confidently
- Somebody borrow me A.W. Tozer's book: The Pursuit of God =)

Cell group

no words needed..

OH MY GOSH

oh my gosh i just amended the messiest poem (before amendment) i've ever written to be submitted for church publication!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jane Lui

Goodnight company =)

Just the way you are

Seldom listen to radio songs, but this is different. The way to Billboard #1 is to let them know who they really are - special.

new blog skin & phase

"lala blah blah blu bluek blueah!"

goes the initial blog title and then i thought i'd better put a proper one in.

Changed the skin, changed the tone, went back to how I used to write - with a pic and music to set the tone.. Too bad I just came back from office at 9, would imagine myself wrapped thick on a white beach bench on a winter morning with hot cocoa.

I had one those moments again, if you ever had a wacky idea or 'could-it-possibly' scenario fooling around your mind and you entertain it like a leisurely squash game.

I have nothing to write about but a myriad of imaginations butterflying with a music like this. A quick getaway from office, after they acquired a group of companies with annual sales topping a billion, messy documentations and unmotivated staff. And unfinished accounting studies.

I walked pass the tall mirror to the kitchen, amused at myself, 'cause I changed into a blue flowered Hawaiian bermuda pants while still wearing the formal white striped shirt. "That's so me!"

Tomorrow's gonna be a war to finish all unfinished business, in office. Sigh.

but still.. Praise the Lord, I have a much better life now compared to the past 2 yrs in SG.

--

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." ~Maya Angelou


~joking, but seriously, kick some.

testing new camera..

Leaders drive

Dad

nostal-door

past

mutterings..

worry lines of life

praying for open doors..

speck, plank, light

sis said don't read photography articles, take the photo just as i see it.. try try...

Dreamer

One of the worst moments in my life is the shattering of dreams. But it's been a while, and at home after work, after the night's dream-come-true home-cooked dinner, here it comes again, not the shattering part but recollection of old and new ones.

Above deviantart picture entails almost exactly how it felt sometimes when i was driving home from work, sitting in church with closed eyes, jogging around the stadium at dawn, and lying down on the sofa at home. The tremendous sense of belittling awe, or a relaxing one. And also how it felt sometimes after a long day of work in the past, back to a quiet dark condo seeing the stars struggling to light up itself distinctly against the city sky, like myself. There is rest, there is a little fear, there is some hope, some darkness, light, there is beauty, dullness, past, present and yeah - future. reality rich in imagination. Like a dream. like a dreamer.

Do I still continue to hold on to the old ones, like the one i had since about 15, of sitting on the drum stool on a huge elevated stage in a open air christian concert at dusk, playing with such passion in the oblivion of tens of thousands worshipers singing holy. Or the little, already destroyed ones, of leading a wonderful inspiring cell group of 13, 14 year-olds, grooming them into well-matured leaders that will rock the world.

there are also more reality based ones like holding a paper creased into a roll, holding my head confidently with a squarish hat with a short line hanging back down like a crystalised short stream of tears (of hardwork & trepidation). Or the fulfillment of all artistic hungry pangs as stated in the previous post.

Or at last, the simplicity of loving someone who will love back.




Time passes, some shut eyes will remain shut eyed. tastes change. Some unexpected ones came true though. Like the moment I be story-teller to a cutey little orphan girl in Cambodia, to found out that all she wants is just someone to be around her, and that the 101 Dalmatians book I read is the exact book I read as a child.

And sitting on the shallow side of the beach with no cares of the world or time, windsurfing, kayaking and snorkeling to a nearby little island. Lying on a pitch dark beach, seeing shooting stars.

And riding free along the seaside at sunset, or jazz drumming alone in dimmed yellow light at seaside. Or writing the best possible poem. Or the all-so-surprised smiles coming from colleagues, family & friends. Time well spent talking and shouldering other people's burdens. Having super great siblings whom I can pour my heart out to and trust completely, whether at home or in Melbourne. So many of them and I feel thankful. yet for now..



I dream of waking up bruised and broken in a war-torn country yet full of fiery passion and joy for other souls. I dream of backpacking nepal and cambodia. I dream having short business trips to Europe. I dream of planing across the sea at above 50km/h, really windsurfing. I dream of staying with a local family in Italy or France, to learn a different culture & lifestyle. I dream of finishing my studies and retain an open mind of continuous learning. I dream of finally being completely free to live and love fearlessly. I dream of spending the rest of the evening walking in streets of Rome with a loved one. I dream of having a beautiful wife and daughter to spend the rest of my life loving them.

so far are the dreams at 10.50pm. so much more to come when i lie down on my bed. I pray that i'll lay each it of them down at each new day to live relentlessly and un-apologetically true to myself and my God. I don't know if this is possible but it excites me. hee..

They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, and moves on with each next little steps.

The day a mind speaks

If there is something i would like to do really well (besides studies) is to take great unedited natural light portraits and black & whites, and to pick up the people left behind.

Happen to have a 50 cent australian coin beside me, reminds me of my bro everytime i see it.

was sick, took MC and stayed home all day (almost) and watched Eat, Pray, Love. How much I missed the better movies in the past. Intelligent quotes and musings don't make up enough for puffed up contemporary content.

Need to learn to stand on my feet in workplace because greater responsibilities may be coming.

Gosh i'm so hungry intellectually and artistically. I could use a dream vacation, spend a day learning landscape painting, half day composing modern prose/poetry, 2 days learning to bake french pastry and cook chinese cuisine, 3 days drumming with a jazz and pop band, 5 sunset evenings honing my windsurfing followed by al-fresco dining and listening to live classical music in Prague, 1 day learning basics of photography, join a book club in C.S. Lewis & Emily Dickinson writings, and have study friends in revising accountancy.

I don't complete paragraphs or thoughts or actions anymore, everything seems so random and unlinked. Ideas seems disillusioned, there is no meaning in forming an opinion anymore.

Probably i'm tired and need more rest while still sick. Lightly ignoring the weekday role as an exec, learning n learning to lead.

No, not. I just missed older days when there is no need for Gmail buzz, twitter nor Facebook. Besides family & God, there is no substitute for face to face conversations with old friends.

Now, not influence, not even substance. Nothing out of the circle of family seem to matter anymore.

I am drowning in reconnaissance desire of an undulated Ecclesiastes mood. Even if there is a cure, there seem to be no meaningful definition of spiritual nor secular normalcy.

Love & its defiance of its own gravity

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness."

~Julia Roberts

omnipotence of God by C.S. Lewis

God's omnipotence means power to do all that is intrinsically possible, not to do the intrinsically impossible. You may attribute miracles to Him, but not nonsense. This is no limit to His power. If you choose to say 'God can give a creature free will and and at the same time withhold free will from it', you have succeeded in saying anything about God: meaningless combination of words do not suddenly acquire meaning simply because we prefix to them the two other words 'God can'. It remains true that all things are possible with God: the intrinsic impossibilities are not things but nonentities. It is no more possible for God than for the weakest of His creatures to carry out both of two mutually exclusive alternatives; not because His power meets an obstacle, but because nonsense remains nonsense even when we talk it about God.

-C.S. Lewis

sky boy

he crisscrosses the majestic masses from miles behind me
to across mushrooms of sunsets in the foreshore of light

missing

sounds crazy, but i feel like i've missed out on a lot things living in peaceful times..

marketplace calling

if this is what it takes, here I go.

Canon S95

maybe this will cure my photojournalism and artistic hungry pangs from time to time..

whirlwind

mind's a constant whirlwind.

windsurf against own wind.

so tired.

i hope the 4 newly acquired companies' accounts would be done soon, i'll be super familiar with palm oil & oleochemicals processing and workflow of all processes, i'll finish up my ACCA PER requirement for previous tax and audit directors' approval n signature, settle drums in CBC n english service, assist christmas bilingual & english. study financial reporting n advanced performance management. finish reading CS Lewis & value investing books, done my research in SG & M'sia listed companies, catch up with all my friends, have good time with close ones, enjoy my life, continue practicing windsurfing. take up photography, continue writing blog n poetry. prepare for future local n overseas business trips.

but i can't i can't, because there's too much whirlwind. too much whirlwind. too much whirlwind.....