The poetic past

Yesterday (sun) was my most exhausting day.... playing, teaching drums.. felt the exhaustion at noon, till 12am.. but it was quite a nice day teaching students n having a good time, except when wendy called & requested that i join a gathering, which i can't, and left me wondering what fun are they enjoying. of course, knowing well that i can't have everything, and being a blessing to other churches n also earn side income is, erm, nice!




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this post is for Angela, to feed her curiousity. heh. I was writing at 2003-2004, used to have a modblog to publish my own kind of poems, spent many hours at late night writing.. Wrote under a female pseudonym - kristy williams.

modblog collapsed a few years ago but i'm so glad that i'm able to recover around 70% of the poems.. most of them are dark (or incredibly dark) but some are sweet. as i read some of poems now, it reminds me of the exact emotion & situation that i was in, or a self-perceived friend's situation. cos almost all the poems are written with a moving picture in my head, when i read them again after a few years, the exact images and emotions came into my mind beautifully, like a key that unlocks a forgotten movie, and that's what i love about poetry.

nah, Angela, this is the two that i like, with 'shortys'.

Beach Sky

It's seven
and You began

slowly, red stepping down
lightening, orange over pale white
slipping and sliding in betweens
big blue canvas leaning against
curls lapping fine particles
emblazon, up above, in hues
silent wonder

hey, children's playing under Your breath
You bent to embrace
dyed them, with bliss
anymore for me, in Your pallette?
I'm a lil' tired of sinking in, brooding loud
a lil' jaded, maybe
dunno



cottons turned scarlet darkness
Your rested brushes dripping leftovers
color fading
still beauty

It's seven thirty-five
please don't stop painting
i still need You
even after the beach meeting my sky


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shortys:

it's a monologue to God and a description on how He beautifully painted the sunset. "it's seven" refers to the time. the poem suggests the author's longing for childhood and , and how God enjoys the presence of children.

"cottons turned scarlet darkness", surface meaning is the cloud turning red n into darkness after sunset. Also describes Christ's crucifixion, holiness turned to sin, covered in blood. If read the poem again, it lightly suggests the crucifixion, 7th hour is between 6th to 9th hour, when Jesus is dying, about darkness. "silent wonder" - of God's love. End of poem suggests the need for Christ even after his death. Poem's setting is sunset, dawn of the next day is the certainty of resurrection & victory.


Autumn

Autumn
like fading glory over fatigue trees
befalls in winks of my infinity
recedes, reds of orangish petals
like nature's final independence
from the perennial body

I, was still, still am
in the fog of mine, and it came
bringing my hair in a song
dancing to the rustling beauty
to the gentle gush, effusion

set my feet flying
scramble knee-deep brown reds
bring to life, the bliss of
innocent wonder

goes on and on..
under the gorgeous sun
under the shower of leaves
under daddy's laughter
over granny's grin

A decade after my first breath,
I was ten.






still ten.


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shortys: This is the poem that got published, heh heh. Basically a description of a child in awe of autumn, the trees, wind and leaves. An adult's account of his childhood, that when autumn comes, he still feels like a ten yr-old.
"knee-deep brown reds" - pile of autumn leaves. "petals"=leaves.
"Fog" - suggests confusion, 'unclarity' in life.

To me, it's a very beautiful picture of a ten yr-old child experiencing autumn, strong wind with leaves falling from the sky, dancing & kicking the piles of autumn leaves. The presence of dad & granny suggests a close family. Absence of mom is due to a past conflict that the author has with his mom. (of course, now already been dealt with).

oh ya, i always wanted to experience autumn, hope to get a chance..



If read poem again.
Subtle hint of death and the journey to heaven.
"set my feet flying"


"like fading glory over fatigue trees befalls in winks of my infinity" - when the body ages and withers / how time flies/people age, in a wink of the eye, infinity - sometimes people think they live forever.

"like nature's final independence from the perennial body" - death, spirit leaves body.

and in the fog of death, suddenly changing to a new youthful creation..

"goes on and on.." - eternity in heaven.

Heaven:
under the gorgeous sun - God's ever presence
under the shower of leaves - suggests beauty
under daddy's laughter - security & joy
over granny's grin - comfort