Perfectly Paralyzed by Procrastination

I've never thought of myself as a perfectionist. One would only have to peer into my office to understand why.

My office has the appearance of chaos, confusion and disorder. "Appearance" is the operative word. I find the chaos to be completely functional. I rely on my own, unique organizational theory: It's better occasionally to waste time searching for items than regularly to waste time keeping the place tidy with everything meticulously filed.

I know what you're thinking. My mother didn't agree with my theory either.

I admit that I struggle with procrastination. But me, a perfectionist? Hardly. A perfectionist is someone who does everything perfectly. I only think about doing things perfectly.

Not long ago, I had the opportunity to hear what Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church in Southern California, had to say on this subject. A procrastinator, says Warren, is nothing more than a frustrated perfectionist.

A perfectionist is convinced she must prove her worth by being perfect. A perfectionist craves approval. Warren contends it's the fear of not being able to perform perfectly that leads to procrastination. And procrastination eventually leads to paralysis.

There are times I can stare into my computer screen for hours on end without completing a single sentence. Even though I have a clear-cut subject, a semi-brilliant conclusion and a general idea of how I plan to get there, until I perfect my first paragraph, I'm paralyzed.

Have you ever felt paralyzed by your procrastination? Perhaps perfectionism is at the root of the problem.

Perfectionism can keep us from moving forward, but it doesn't have to be that way. There are antidotes for perfectionism.

1. Believe that no one is perfect. You will liberate yourself when you lower your expectations from perfect to realistic. Don't be afraid to make a mistake. You don't have to be perfect to be happy.

2. Let go and let God handle things. It takes a lot of faith to let go of those things over which we have no control.

3. Learn contentment. Life must be lived in less than perfect circumstances. Accept that. Love the moment, and enjoy the journey. Dump the pressure that says you must be perfect to be accepted.

It's time to break out of your prison of perfectionism. Identify what you need to do and take the first step. Even if you fall flat on your face, you will have gained at least five feet. Then take the second step, and the third. Before you know it, you will be making terrific progress. Not perfection, but progress!

September 12, 2010

©Copyright 2010 Mary Hunt.

Leftovers of Johor Bahru

A thought came to my mind after working in JB for a while and could this happen in the future?

It seems that the 2nd generation christians are getting more educated and affluent. Especially those who went overseas & SG to study, most of us went to SG to work, having in mind that one day we would settle down in JB when we have earned enough, or when the SG government bond has ended. But so far I observed that none of us have really bought into our initial plan, eventually we decided to build a nest in SG for the sake of a continuing career and education of children in SG. And we raise SG kids, thinking that probably they will be like us, still treating JB as a home and coming back to JB every weekend, or not.

Over time, our parents will pass on, leaving their houses for us to stay in JB for the weekend, our children will grow up in SG but i'm not sure whether they still fancy the idea of coming back to JB in the weekends when their friends and activities are all in SG. So the older generation has passed on, there won't be any need to come to JB anymore, family and friends will be based in SG.

Nothing wrong with that, it's personal choice & family planning.

Just wondering if our fathers has passed on this value to us, that JB is merely a leftover, do study and work hard so that we don't have to be in JB. You only remain in JB when there are no opportunities outside or to maintain family business. JB is only for getting by. Of course there are special prayer days in church and revival meetings to desire for a change in the society, but we are sending our children off elsewhere because JB is not good enough. Really. There's something wrong in the education system, so we send our children to private/home schools or to SG. The society, politics, safety & education will not improve much, just thank God it doesn't get worse. JB is simply not worth it, has the passing remark became a core belief unknowingly. The older generation will slowly fade away, the excellent young bloods will be encouraged or even expected to be in overseas, just wondering what will be the future of JB & its churches in the next 30 years.. Will it very silently evolved to be the subtle leftover city?

mercies in disguise

What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise...

For good =)

For Good

(Elphaba) I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda) I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda) Because I knew you

(Both) I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I've done you blame me for

(Glinda) But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda) Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba) Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both) Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda) And because I knew you...

(Elphaba) Because I knew you...

(Both) Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

Not now

"If you ever have any free time and you're wondering, "What in the world am I going to do now?" don't go to my blog. Have extended devotions, or read some good book on our Savior, or serve your family. And once you've done that, come and visit my blog."

-Quoted from an article

I can't deny that I am not as disciplined as I wish to be. I don't know why it's so hard to do the things that matter FIRST before secondary priorities. I have tasted the bitterness of procrastination and I want tonight to be the last of my old disease, God help me.

Exam on the 10th & 14th of June. And besides this, so many books to be read, relationships to maintain, devotion to commit. These postings in front of the 18.5" screen is only a tiny fraction of a beautiful picture when I get down on my knees and stand on my feet.

Nelson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech

Your grace is enough..

Your grace is enough..

Joke

"How do you discern God's will?"

"Oh, Lord. People have suggested all kinds of methods to me."

"Like what?"

"When I was in high school, my uncle told me that whenever he needed to know God's will, he opened the Bible at random, read the first verse that met his eyes, then did whatever it told him."

"So you tried it?"

"Don't laugh. At first it seemed to work. One time I asked God whether I should go out with this really pretty girl named Melissa. When I opened the Bible, the first verse that met my eye was Proverbs 6:25, 'Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes.' So I asked, 'Then whoshould I go out with?' This time when I opened the Bible, the first verse that met my eye was Isaiah 55:12, 'You shall go out with joy.' So I asked out Joy."

"You shouldn't have asked me not to laugh. What opened your eyes?"

"Two things. First, Joy said no."

"What was the other?"

"Well," said Mark, "one day I happened to ask that same uncle why he'd taken up cigarettes. He said 'God told me to smoke.' First he'd opened the Bible at random and read the 1 Corinthians 6:19, 'Do you not know that your body is a temple ... ?' Then he'd opened it again and read Revelations 15:8, 'The temple was filled with smoke.'"

Five Things Every Adult Should Know

Came across this article that talks about adulthood and references to the book Adam’s Return by Richard Rohr in a talk he gave called "Five Things Every Adult Should Know." Rohr's list of five promises that define true adulthood is what he says gives a person the ability to live in the world as a grown up.

The promises include:

1. Life is hard.
2. You are not that important.
3. Your life is not about you.
4. You’re not in control.
5. You’re going to die.

And.. which of these promises are the hardest for you to digest?

If only it were as easy as drums

If only life's issues were as easy as understanding the complexity of drums.. wishful thinking~

Inner Bloom

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

- 1 Cor 13:11

Are you like me, at times feeling like an adolescent stuck in a maturing body. Or have you ever felt like years have passed but you are still the same old, or same young. I used to think and believe that as soon as adulthood steps in, nature's magical wand would swing its magic, and we would grow up to be mature adults who can face the world, brace its tide, and take care of ourselves well enough to extend to others. I was wrong.

I could get caught on the other side of the cloud only, getting more work experience, expanding the working & social capacity, manage work & people so well, having a good laugh on the familiar side of successful people; and upon reaching middle age, came crashing down. The tide of world seems to favour external growth towards the stars, but God may be whispering, the inside counts. Go deeper.

"When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me"

Not an act of nature or by-product of time & environment only, but a verb: "put behind me". Place aside the childish self-serving thoughts & idealisms. Stop whining, don't extend adolescence & excuses. Rise up above culture, not about being Mr Sensitive or Mr Man, but looking towards Jesus as the primary model, where true fulfillment comes in the form of godliness.

Yet not giant leaps, but simple little steps everyday; sowing seeds of patience, diligence, wisdom, kindness, love, sacrifice; surrendering & allowing God to mold us, we find ourselves becoming man - man of God.

New look

maybe for me, it takes a 13-yr old blind boy to teach me how to appreciate what i have in life..

For I will take you from among the nations, gather you out of all countries, and bring you into your own land. ²⁵ Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. ²⁶ I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. ²⁷ I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.

Eze 36:24-27

26 summers

While posting this song, thought that would be good to write some stuffs before i go to bed. today is a pretty juiced-up day, because this other dept tai-chi with each other when i ask for reports. so stressful & get called in to the GM's office again to help provide info.

and after the long day at nearly 8pm, went to church for counseling course. i will always appreciate the vast difference from work environment. hee.. sis lydia plyed the video of a tv real-time counseling of this internet-addicted teens with his mom, the girlfriend etc.. it's so interesting and the twists are better than most soaps, happy ending by the way. how nice if i can be a counselor for a change rather than punching numbers in my head everyday, but then, important to do what God has given me.. to be a good number-crunching, problem-solving, effective managing person.. still a long way to go especially in managing situations & inheriting the knack for solving case-by-case problems that arises. and still learning to face problems without pulling my hair out, and not thinking of all problems at the same time and have a mental meltdown.

it is well. oh ya... it isz well..

I am 26 this year. And I found a "26" song for myself! =D

song not found in youtube though, enjoy the lyrics =)

Twenty Six Summers

by Vicky Beeching

I don’t know what the future holds
or what lies beyond my horizon
the years ahead are just out of sight
well, i think sometimes that You hide them
so that i’ll walk by faith not sight
so i’ll take Your hand, holding tight

through twenty-six summers
and twenty-six winters
i’ve laughed in the springtime
i’ve cried in the rain
though i’ve questioned the meaning
of some of life’s seasons
it’s true that they’ve left me holding on
tighter to You

my one desire for the road ahead
is that we would walk it together
Friend and King, You’re my everything
may i stay by Your side forever
for when my heart’s afraid, You’re near
whispering to my soul, ‘don’t fear’

and i will trust in You alone
for You’re the hand leading me home
leading me home..

i’ve spent twenty-six summers
and twenty-six winters with You
through all of the seasons
and my search for reasons
You’ve carried me through
i will keep holding on to You…”

buying things for myself, for the 1st time in 2011

Yesterday (sat) was quite tiring, slept 3 hrs after long chat with sis & have to wake up - to show up for work. After work I decided that this day would be an exception, I will buy things for myself, for the 1st time this year.

I realised I never buy things for myself; new clothes come from Birthday gifts (no new clothes during CNY), hypermarket - to pick up groceries & hang thoughts (yeah, like hanging clothes, in a way); my old clothes, as long as they weren't qualified to be floor mat, would be my favourite suit. My room - bro's SPM chair, rusty table from nowhere. My Samsonite work bag, given by ex-company's associate director, not as a gift but leftover. My favourite sling bag's (my only sling bag also) "metal holder" just broke last night too, after about 4-5 yrs use, i think.

Funnily, i'm not thrifty & i'm far from looking for gifts. Just that i don't find it remotely amazing to get many new stuff, or to look good. I just get what I need

, and yesterday i needed an exception.

So I went to Jusco Tebrau, got myself 3 good books and a deco 'flower pail' (for the office desk), and the urge to make an exception stopped.

First book

2nd book

the flower pail..

3rd book..

Hope i smell the roses more..

and that's how it will look if my blog is viewed in "mosaic"

still, not.

the sea is blue, the greens are green. stay still? not, says the world that surrounds. they urge, be fast, be proud and very efficient. for?

looming questions, i find myself asking- or would it be, whither go you?

whether it is.. withering in the wide path or blooming in the narrow streets, if i am lucky to see the difference.

there's no hard & fast I thought so. Slow I am to your response, demand. Understands me not. And left is, mighty arm upholding the withering in the hopeless heights. the, always. can you see, he asks. still, not. i am, am i not, or else. A flower? No, my dear. The flower.

new look for web browser, happy~

A long forgotten Bday wish

That you will always be well. No longer are the breath of a thousand wishes, the quick tear, and the long goodbye.

For the hands of the everlasting are faithful for all of our hearts..

Trust, and lean not on my own understanding.


*And as a sign of this milestone, i'll change this old user pic.. no longer have to hope to run away..



and please do..

Priorities

Lord, help me focus on my weekday priorities...

1. TAWG
2. Family
3. Studies
4. Work
5. Relationships

And fulfill my grandmother's wish someday soon, hopefully before she passes on..



For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.

~Colossians 1:9-12

失明前我想记得的四十七件事

Tree

But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

~ Jer 17:7-8

Ordinary

Everybody doing their part for the world..

It's all about you

Raison d’être..

A different tomorrow

I hope to be different starting tomorrow. Give thanks more, think more about the noble things rather than sulk at the darker side. Remind myself of who He is & what He has promised. Life is too short to cringe my face at the lemons, rather, be making lemonade.

Thou my best thought, by day or by night; waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

失敗者的飛翔

累了.. 1st time work until chest pain..

Juwita

will write soon..


too tired, never mind.. HA

Full throttle study

It's a beautiful purple-ish blue sky as I woke up for a quick jog before work.
Jogging helps me throw my thoughts out better & appreciate what I have more..

It's 7.20am now, better wash up now to leave for work.
ACCA results is out, it appears that I have to retake again & sacrifice more, back to full-throttle study. Thank God more used to work now, can solved issues in shorter time.

Discipline, Victor, discipline. And thanks mom for the honey quaker oat breakfast. I better run now, my parents have already left for work.

4 months is pretty fast

I overheard my bosses discussing about me, "4 months is pretty fast"... Cos i've only joined the company about 4-5 months.

But i don't care if you think i'm pretty brilliant or still lacking in some areas.
I am struggling to find meaning in the things I do.

Responsiblities of a young man

I was talking to my sis about relationships n stuff and she told me to write this blog post cos there will be some younger readers reading abt this, so here it goes..

I remember when I was about 21-ish years old, as older boys we will seriously start thinking about the future. Besides discussing about girls, we will begin saving up for the future. Things my father did which I don't know, I will start learning about it.

CHORES

Things like how to call the mechanic, how to change tyres, do housework, cook, place bank FD, take phone messages.

FINANCES

Going further, insurance planning, savings and maybe some knowledge in investment & others: housing loans, car loans, calculation of paying off study loan, how much it costs to prepare for marriage, how to spend & save adequately. Know what are true assets & liabilities, you'll be surprised.

If very much interested in finance - value investing & property investment. Do you know what is the miracle (or disaster if it's a loan) of compounded interest?

Challenging our views of the world to change from me-centric to also providing for others. How much to save ar, enough to survive on it for minimum 6 months. (let's say you need $1,000/mth, should have at least an untouchable $6,000)

MINISTRY

Ministry-wise, especially for some of my friends, some will begin drifting away, but for those who stayed, they started grooming people, which is such a huge challenge because we have no experience whatsoever. Also learning to see the bigger picture from working together or chatting with adults. learning to serve where you are placed, not because of peer or romantic influence.

FRIENDSHIPS

who are your close circle of friends, they will have a significant influence to your perspective, priorities & responsibilities. do you still maintain friendships with non-christians and bring Christ to them when the opportunity arises; if no opportunity, do you still care for them sincerely. what are your common topics with close friends, do they bring edification to yourself and others.


LADIES

i guess the fundamental issue is that firstly, they are the special species. i need to understand why they deserve to be served first before i serve myself.

secondly, seek to understand them. it's a never-ending journey, period.

thirdly, which most of us neglect, value them. Value their thoughts, value the way they do things, the way they express themselves, their perspective. by then appreciation naturally develops.

examine the way you treat the ladies in your family =P

INTERACTION

After understanding your parent well enough, start understanding other adults around you. Be able to hold meaningful conversations with adults, adults who are in their 30s, 40s, 50-70s, single adults, married adults, married adults with children, retired adults.

Next, children & teenagers. Same as above, be able to bring yourself up/down to their level. The best level for conversation is at the same level, whether in status or physical; if little children are too short, bend slightly or even squat down when you speak to them. If they are bigger children or teenagers, hold them up the respect you would give an adult but interact at their level.

Learn to treat people of different status & races with respect. How do you think of the college's janitor & the Dean shouldn't be too different.


CONTENTMENT

This will affect your lifestyle - know the difference between joy & happiness, and make up your mind which one you want more.


SIGNIFICANCE

it would be good time to find out what contributes substantially to your personal significance & check its value against eternity. Check what are links between your passion, talents & significance. Slowly extend your contribution to add to the significance of others.




bla bla... so if u're around 19-22 yrs old as a young adults, i would encourage you to continue reading the bible, applying its principle, n learn to discern the guidance of the holy spirit.

And on another personal note, do read up Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends & influence people" and start applying its important principles too. It's like a masters degree in people skills.

I'm still learning even as i'm writing these.. Cheerios~ there is hope for the masculine

柴米油鹽醬醋茶

生日快乐，过了。。
风筝累了，隨着夕阳低下了

(if i could write chinese faster, i would write it all in chinese , today the thoughts spelt out in chinese)

who says happiness belong to the deserving, it came by from the people who loved you, who played their music around your grey cloud. sour de, spicy de, did not pass away, they blend the sweet & tea and made me a beautiful tale sung over gu zheng & pipa. Family is xin fu de, ren jian man yi zhe ni de zhu fu, wo man xin gan xie, ni gei de mei yi di 柴米油鹽醬醋茶

Saturday

I think i worked too hard till the point of exhaustion, 'cause i can't function well on last saturday, to attend to church meetings & practices, but after a good night's sleep, some of it went away, along with the slight depression that comes with it. the unexpected lucrative job rewards doesn't help much too, besides the good feeling for a few hours.

I question myself frequently, about meaning of life and definition of living for Christ. I question about relationships, there are so many things I have thought through yet not understand.

Coming week is yet another busy one, i think consideration for staff benefit & actual maintenance of operations may be slightly lacking but I am considering how to start the slow momentum towards a paradigm shift to better holistic growth. big words, small actions - trouble with literature. no, trouble with myself. action, action, motivation & initiation for better control. Start with appreciation & understanding, end with growth? How to push without encouraging staff turnover? I am far from shouldering the heavier responsibility but these have kept me intrigue by human nature and its reaction towards work.

Problem is I think too much and lacked experience to improve this, and i spend too much time FB-ing & watching videos rather than practicing what i really wanted to do - grow. And once again I have to whisk in the strong arm - discipline.

Office risk

There is a certain uneasiness i am all too familiar, it sounded like the first confused moment i had in my baby steps in the taxation fire ladder. so what makes it now in a different environment, had my eyes been like calloused feelings to the surrounding demands, and how had my gentle tone seemed nauseous to your audacious attitude resounding professional pride which should not be the pillar of a sound company, should it be, shoot it please.

The Country (poem)

I wondered about you
when you told me never to leave
a box of wooden, strike-anywhere matches
lying around the house because the mice

might get into them and start a fire.
But your face was absolutely straight
when you twisted the lid down on the round tin
where the matches, you said, are always stowed.

Who could sleep that night?
Who could whisk away the thought
of the one unlikely mouse
padding along a cold water pipe

behind the floral wallpaper
gripping a single wooden match
between the needles of his teeth?
Who could not see him rounding a corner,

the blue tip scratching against a rough-hewn beam,
the sudden flare, and the creature
for one bright, shining moment
suddenly thrust ahead of his time -

now a fire-starter, now a torchbearer
in a forgotten ritual, little brown druid
illuminating some ancient night.
Who could fail to notice,

lit up in the blazing insulation,
the tiny looks of wonderment on the faces of his fellow mice, onetime inhabitants
of what once was your house in the country?

Bday wish.. =P

Beautiful night

It was sunset gleaming with pride before fading off
the monday night pasar malam had its usual homey atmosphere
uncles aunties that sold stuffs since my childhood days were still around
chinese new year is near so there's the festive mood
firecrackers, sky lanterns
mommy holding child & home clothes

and i walked back to the car with packed dinner & hot tao fu fa.
this is JB, this is home

quick one

1. God saved me from another almost-accident, from the anxious traffic law-breaking black BMW.
2. After prayer meeting, parents said i played drums well, long time never hear me play
3. I was the one who is heavily burdened, i didn't work or study during today's public holiday, i didn't go out n play, but i still looked drained n exhausted.

goodnight.

Still..

Still.. there are things so deep a person forgets to forget.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNnYTgpgkQM



I will soon. And I will seriously write poetry again someday.

10 things to note abt career

10. Understand your strengths & weaknesses
9. Build up your tool box
8. Go beyond your comfort zone
7. Be a team player
6. Under promise, over deliver
5. Communicate, communicate
4. Understand simple F/S, good business fundamentals
3. Build trust
2. You own your career
1. Seek God's guidance by His timing.

JJ Heller - What love really means

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please…
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who’ll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, “I know you’ve murdered
And I know you’ve lied
And I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I…”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you

Made for more..

Don't care about money don't care about fame
Not chasing some great accolade
Oh I want more
I've never been much for flattery
So don't waste that kind of talk on me
Oh I want more

More than this whole world can offer
More than all that time destroys
And all I've wanted here can't satisfy my wanting
'Cause I was made made for more

Well I've climbed as high as status goes
But I've got social vertigo
Oh I want more
Never thought my gifts would seal my worth
I never wanted fans just wanted church
Oh I want more

And after all I wasn't made for here
But I give myself to all you gave

Well I want to see my kids grow old
And always have your hand to hold
Oh I was made made for more
Made for more


Isaiah 58 9:12

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

I'm very touched by God in this morning's sermon by uncle Chong Hiang and during altar call. The call to live for eternity is once again being reminded.

Character vs Comfort
Give vs Get
Eternity vs Temporary

Have I spent too much time preparing to stay but don't spend time preparing to go?


And was being shown a glimpse of the heart of God during altar call about the cry of the people in need, kept weeping.. funnily somebody (not church staff) that prayed for me thought i was crying cos very hurt n heart-broken made me very confused and laughable after. =P
not blaming that person though, it's only less than a year since the BGR ended and i still lead a simpler lifestyle. what can one say, when i rode the motorbike in the rain to meet my (then) girlfriend's parents for dinner in the first meet, when i was still working 13-15hrs a day.

i spoke to parents about perspective, and they reprimanded me about something very important
which made it clear to me about what God was teaching about these days. Cos i was very concerned about how people perceived me and why did they treat me as somebody i'm not.

"The reason why people's negative words had so much effect on you, is because you are not grounded on the word of God."

"oh...."

Will I look to God, read & learn from His word always?

Quoting the above bible verse, will I do away with ungodliness? Will I do away with finger-pointing n malicious talk, and really, start spending on the hungry & oppressed? How rare are the people I know that are not in need? How blind can my eyes go & mind wander?

Christ's love will compel us to love, and nobody will live for themselves while facing eternity.

I was made for more, more than self-gain, more than wealth & worries. I am made to love you and live your higher calling. This is where it begins - daily.




C.T. Studd, part of 7 cambridge graduates who devote their lives being missionaries.

Only One Life ~ C.T. Studd

Two little lines I heard one day,Traveling along life's busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in 'that day' my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God's holy will to cleave;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e'er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, "twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say,"Thy will be done";
And when at last I'll hear the call, I know I'll say "twas worth it all";
Only one life,'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

reading BIBLE =)

before 1 Jan 2011 passes by too long, it's an excellent opportunity to catch up on following any "finish the bible in 1 year plan" =)

2010 ending, last words.

Many things happened this 2010 yr..

The joy of building up and pain in accepting the break of a new relationship
The months spent thinking about career path & meaning of life and eventually quit the audit job
the crazy job... the crazy, crazy audit job...
The journey thru church doors and Cambodia orphan homes
The new found job without job-searching and worries of west africa & india, the RM500 million acquisition..
Moving back to JB
Juggling of work demands, ministry needs, study requirement and lack of proper social life sometimes
Internal struggles, barely avoiding breaking point and complicated thoughts
The joy of guiding and watching the younger ones grow
learning n guiding senior staff
Stresses in the feeling of incompetence followed by God's deliverance
Procrastination & inhumane perseverance
Tiredness, exhaustion.

Yet God is faithful, and His grace and strength is overwhelming.
What would next year be? What multitude of experiences awaiting? What joy & peace in Christ through all circumstances?

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

You are ever faithful.. =)

"With everything that You've started in me, I believe that You will be faithful"

~Lincoln Brewster ("Best Days", 2010)

Till then before the 31 Dec countdown, spend time withdrawing myself to seek the Lord and renew my mind for a fresh start =)

Lincoln Brewster - Best days

awesome christmas-eve movie!!! =D

Merry Christmas

Luke 2

The Birth of Jesus

¹ In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to their own town to register.

⁴ So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

²¹ On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.

Jesus Presented in the Temple

²² When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord ²³ (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”), ²⁴ and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”

²⁵ Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. ²⁶ It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. ²⁷ Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, ²⁸ Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:

²⁹ “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you may now dismiss your servant in peace.
³⁰ For my eyes have seen your salvation,
³¹ which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:
³² a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
and the glory of your people Israel.”

³³ The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. ³⁴ Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, ³⁵ so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”

³⁶ There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, ³⁷ and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. ³⁸ Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.

³⁹ When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. ⁴⁰ And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.

The Boy Jesus at the Temple

⁴¹ Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. ⁴² When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom. ⁴³ After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. ⁴⁴ Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. ⁴⁵ When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. ⁴⁶ After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. ⁴⁸ When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”

⁴⁹ “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” ⁵⁰ But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

⁵¹ Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. ⁵² And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

Revelation 12

The Woman and the Dragon

¹ A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. ² She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. ³ Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. ⁴ Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. ⁵ She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter.”And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. ⁶ The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.

⁷ Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. ⁸ But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. ⁹ The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

¹⁰ Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
¹¹ They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
¹² Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short.”

¹³ When the dragon saw that he had been hurled to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. ¹⁴ The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so that she might fly to the place prepared for her in the wilderness, where she would be taken care of for a time, times and half a time, out of the serpent’s reach. ¹⁵ Then from his mouth the serpent spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the torrent. ¹⁶ But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. ¹⁷ Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring—those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.

Joy of serving the next generation

*When too tired, printscreen =P

Your best years are ahead ~~

short & sweet ~





& Simplicity ~

1st day back to office after exam

1st day back to office after exam, and i got called for discussion by the GM, senior accountant & treasury dept even before i find my seat, and later on again called to the GM room for discussion.
and then in 30 mins whisk away for a full day's seminar n discussion on implementation of SAP.

how small & busy i felt but still gotha cope & improve...

"oh the kid's gotha learn a lot"

Who you hang out with

When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

~ Acts 4:13

Only memories

As of mid-Dec 2010, all my colleagues in the same audit team in my previous firm has resigned & left. What's left are only memories of the crazy hours, extreme stresses, wide exposure and fun we had while coping with them.

All went back to their respective countries, indonesia, australia, china, me malaysia, another further to UK. All have gotten stronger & wiser...

sigh.. memories..

Holocaust to Lincoln

A few years back when I had a few weeks of holiday from college, I did a brief research on the Holocaust and it changed my perspective in life.

And if I am granted holiday again someday, next will be on the life of Abraham Lincoln.

I want to know how he journeyed from a child till his death - the miles walked just to borrow books, the person who only had less than 2 years of formal education, the many hours spent reading the bible and copying parts to memorise it, his work as a farm labourer, rail worker, military captain, grocery store owner, postmaster, land surveyor, lawyer, political figure & US president.

The numerous, numerous setbacks - Family lost land title, death of mother at 9 yrs old, considered to be lazy by family & neighbours, 1st fiance died before marriage, 2nd relationship failed, 3rd one split as marriage day approaching. Business failed, business partner died, bankruptcy & spent 17 yrs repaying debt. 2nd son died at 3 yrs old, 3rd son died at 11 yrs old, 4th son died at 18 yrs old. Had nervous breakdown, suffered from clinical depression.

Politically: Defeated for state legislature, defeated for speaker, defeated for nomination for Congress, lost renomination, defeated for US senate, defeated for nomination for vice president, elected President.

Consistently rated as one of 3 greatest presidents of US. Went through the civil war, preserved the union, ended slavery.

Die when I may, I want it said by those who knew me best that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow.

~Abraham Lincoln

Shy's impression

Like My Status & I will tell you ---

1) How we met
2) My first impression of you
3) What I like about you
...4) Favorite memory with you
5) A song that reminds me of you
6) Dare you to put this on your status

Victor
1. Teenz? You're priscilla's elder brother and alan raved about your drumming skill haha.
2. You looked dai dai and sleepy but turned out to be crazy both in humour and behind the drums.
3. You think deeply about the things that are hap...pening and makes me feel less crazy.
4. Hanging out after teenz going for supper, but rivaling badminton sessions =)
5. I Am Nothing - Ginny Owens

Everything that occurs..

Everything that occurs teaches and prepares you for the next stage of life.
Nothing is lost.

~Zig Ziglar

Nothing is lost, comforts the old melancholy in fading youthfulness. Forgotten feelings are only feelings. Today, He made all things new.

You will surely find at the journey’s end,
Whatever the world may afford,
That things fade away, and success is seen
In the life that has served the Lord.

Both Sides Now

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.

~Joni Mitchell

Sonnet XVII

when too stressed, read poetry.. Pablo Neruda.

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

is it..

to most i am this, to a handful i am that, to some, maybe; to the few, silently.

Purpose

"God’s purpose is not to perfect me to make me a trophy in His showcase; He is getting me to the place where He can use me. Let Him do what He wants.."
~Oswald Chambers (My utmost for His highest devotional)

Stress management

Learning to handle a "small" manufacturing company. To them it's small, to me & my inexperience, it's overwhelming at times.

Coping with a work that I heard usually need months of training first. How long am I working here, slightly over 2 months, do I look like a kiddo with too heavy responsibilities. Learning.. learning.. to be dependable, to hold up with colleagues and a support group of staff older than me.. To be able to hold a good level of understanding and give sound advice when they come to me.. and to cope well in my personal capacity. Not a manager but due to being somewhat in the lower middle of the corporate ladder, have to serve the supporting staff members. First time doing so, previously in SG only an assistant. Many things to learn & teach & guide, many more hours to put in, much more leadership qualities & problem-solving skills expected.

And where is God, have my whirlwinds spin Him off the centre of my life? I came to church so exhausted i think i yawned a dozen times during prayer, there are many things done and not done; there are things that I have done well and things I used to hold on to tightly but now have neglected. Eh... I have changed.

Faith is not a crutch. Faith may be a strength unknown of human ability & a vision with a purpose. And I know Your joy is exceeding and never fades. You never change, Your love is always the same. So here I am, to abide & follow You, everywhere from the drum stool to the executive chair, and to the hopeful unknown region in future.