Pocoyo

I miss those days.. =)

Elli!!

Confidence in weakness

i have this drum student that has a special problem. the first time he came for class n play the drums, i almost cried. the second time, i learned something. third time and so forth, confidence builds.

he has low-IQ and suffers from muscular dystrophy, so my student slurs and plays drums like how i used to imitate a handicapped person play when i'm bored.

but he improved n he's hardworking, he does practice at home when i told him to.. and although i don't see a bright future in him, i sense the potential n teach with gladness.


Sometimes, i see myself in him.

the self-image problem, insecurities, sincerity n simplicity.

when you feel that the whole world looks down on you. When my heart pulls the handbrake at the handicapped car park slot, deep in the secluded corner.



but i slowly have confidence.
Confidence in weakness, because of whom i walk with.


Above the sky, on water.

Behind my superman

long time no write pix crap.. yay =)


Pace is drawing the line
Between up slope, black
and concrete white.
Like gait maker in its breaths,
but without foresight.
I construe looking away, the black
and hoping light.
Pausing the second abreast.


Behind my superman, in behind myself
Defy my gravity, stopped, myself.

across my giants, favour thee.
behind my superman, over myself.


whenitdoesn'tstop
.
itlookslikeastraightline
.
it'snotit
.
just, cheap wind.


cute servant, poor victim.
tossed my pinch of sympathy and moved on quickly,
do i? or did i just stopped?
saved the rest for myself, because i deserve it,
do i? or did i just stopped?

i live my time, you, yours.
an ounce from our world make yours.
..

it goes both ways.

A wet basketball

I was sorely disappointed when i woke up at 6.30 this morning. Bought myself a pair of reasonably cheap sport shoes n basketball the day before, n i expected a beautiful sunrise awaiting me at the basketball court.

but it was pouring.

..waited till 7 and still is, the dark sky.


And when it died down ten long minutes later, happy socks wear gloomy new shoes and the pair of feet went running to my childhood half-hobby.


I didn't know how fun it could be, n it's wet fun. =)
although alone, but splattering over and many attempts to "loop-the-hoop" never felt any better.
I am 12 again. =)
feels great to sweat in light rain and cold winds.



I remember the day i was told that i didn't cut out for the school team, when my friends do.
There goes an 'air-ball', i only bounce n shoot the ball with girls while they train like man.



This morning, in chops and misses, i sweat fun & release, in the presence of ever-faithful friend. =)





*Anyway, something for myself when i think i had enough of my world:

TnT Cell Group

This is the warm n vibrant cell group that i attend every fri night. I will just say from left to right.
Aaron is the leader of the pack of more than 12 ppl, if full attendance i guess abt 15 ppl?
Aaron has a golden finger, the things he touches turn into gold, for example, this cell group.

titus, the smiling fella above me, is my best friend, knew him since 8 yrs old, i think. always a step ahead of me in everything, haha, i'm not jealous but proud of him. nice guy who walks the extra mile for so many yrs.

pink Raymond, came to cell group 2nd time only, studies in Canada. This guy loves God so much. period.

Towering David. One thing abt him is that he looks real young, i want to be like that at that age.
faithful guy who comes regularly. The guy who 1st thought that i'm married with children, lol.

Ke Ting jie, who brings new meaning to thoughtfulness and care.

Chin lee jie, didn't know her much to say anything, pai seh. looked young, like David.

Grace jie in white, artistic and caring in unexpected ways, also another "looked young" case, haha.

Wen Mynn n orange Thomas, couples that stick together by a glue called love, i think. ha. always nice n interesting to talk to. Still holding on to God after many trials. *clap clap*

Cool white Howard in jeans, multi-talented in music, someone who can talk well n make you feel comfortable. knowledgable guy, like Thomas n aaron.

Ken in the corner. Nice, caring, and i'm always encouraged by seeing him worship. i can sense his complete sincerity to God.

Lastly, Seow Ching jie who took this pic. Probably the only person in cell group that reads this blog. The girl who played badminton so well that my mouth can drop open for days, haha. yet another "looked young" case. Bubbly, adventurous n friendly, i think she might outlive me. =)


*Maybe next time i'll talk about the other cell group that i'm leading, that consists of 12-13 yr olds, grown kids full of energy n potential. heh

Jay Chow

Read the lyrics ya, pai seh that the music n video doesn't sync accurately.
oh yeah, i do listen to chinese songs sometimes =P

Tired

I'm tired, it is obvious when the motor bike feels more like gliding rather than riding..
when my mind starts to switch off and grow numb to the things surrounding me..
places, lights, & past memories that laces through my heart...


I'm tired....

I lost something, but its footprints lingered in my watery eyes.
And i sink into my cold bed, quit aspiring and waiting to drown in the beautiful sea of deserted dreams.

Physics & Maths genius

Students nowadays are getting cleverer..

old scripts

some short stuffs from diary.. a "pupu" book my friends gave me, yay..


If clouds would still,
words would fill..
Would you, will?




Sheer Joy
ride of life
long is the journey
till you see the light
try not to worry, never fear
tuck out your t-shirt
enjoy the flight
under his wings..
Fly




You are tingling with the intricacies of my imperfection

deep down in the stillness
where myself isn't reflected in mirrors
footsteps could be heard
creaking slightly as it make way
to the source of tears
ailing darkness

when the curtain is drawn
hope, blown
cries of wind beseeching dawn
i heard you calling me as your own
reaching out across the throne




i think i need to get a new hobby besides writing stuffs, it's been a long time since i enjoy a long chat, fly a kite with someone, doing something (besides working & studying) that involves other people.

other than cell groups n church.


"Men live lives of quiet desperation."
i can feel it, but i don't know what my desperations are..
maybe after all, the hole-in-heart is God-shaped rather than love-shaped.

Because of you

I am pretty encouraged by the photos and captions in teenzalbum blog..

Thank you Lord,
because i could look to you
because your love brings me joy
because you want ordinary people to do extraordinary things
because you are willing to share my burden n all my anxieties
because i do not need to hide anymore
because you want me to have a victorious life
because in your presence i could cry out loud n tell you everything in my heart
....n many more..




thank you..

because of you, my weakened knees starts to dance again..
and my dance is for you, deeply engraved in love, even the waves of the world won't wash away..

Australian Nuts

my ear would fall off if i teach drums longer, 5.30-10pm.. but Mr. Lum kept my ear attached firmly to my body today. He is one of my students, age 60+ =P

It was so nice of him to give me a box of chocolates bought from Sydney. I opened it n share with the staffs n other teachers.. balls of thick milk chocolate coated nuts, each nut is about the size of 10-cent coin, or slightly larger, which is considerably huge. and it melts right into your taste buds...
=)

the staffs said that i'm the music teacher that receives the most gifts from students; on my Bday, during chinese yr..

while my head gets happier and starts bloating up, a needle poked right through it, and what's left when the air of innocent bliss disperses, is grace.
I remember many months go, Aaron's testimony about the grace of God that makes us christians shine everywhere we go, be the head n not the tail..

how i wish that would be the same in my studies too, so i'm gonna change, one day at a time. =]

Happiness

I was happy last night, the "feeling warm inside & smiling" kind of gladness.. cos my cute little 6 yr old student finally improved in his drums. =)
was teaching on Sun night cos i have to give replacement classes..

the boy is so cute when he's playing, people that looked at him smiled or giggled.. oh yeah, the drum studio in yamaha is in full view of the public, bcos of its glass walls. to me, it is still the best place to prac drums due to the great ambience n space.

anyway, kids below 8 yrs of age learn in a much slower pace, takes them about 1 month to learn what an adult can learn in 30 mins. Maybe that's how i developed patience in teaching.. =P


TEENz album now has a blog! =)
it's great, the blog entries are great.. =P =P
I'm amused by the substantial difference in mood compared to this blog.
Let's hope that the 2 bloggers will continue to produce great entries ya!
teenzalbum.blogspot.com


Yesterday's sunday PnW prac seems a little funner than usual, when Boon Fei sings the "salvador song", when the spirit of the Lord.. dance dance... dance like crazy, haha.
It was a funny feeling when I played the drums and have people looking at me.. especially when i ended the song n they clapped loudly for me. This skill in playing that gets me recognition everywhere, gets me a part-time job that pays 3, 4 times more than starbuck's hourly pay, this skill that becomes part of my life.. I gotha always remind myself that it's by God n for him..



I rode my bike following the tnt people for lunch after service, and when we're on our way there, we saw a badly crashed car, all mangled up in a fine mess. This scares me as a motorist.. ... serves as a good lesson for me, to be always courteous & cautious in driving.
I don't want to be... Mr. Mangled, hehe

Heart

it's a very normal day from dawn to dusk.
chores, studies, meals, computer, family, work..

But today i had a slightly deeper conversation with my friend, i would say a colleague & friend. Never knew her more than 3 months (she already has a boyfriend) but i just opened up and talked about boy-girl type of love, and she said something..

"If i put these into too much consideration before choosing.. education, wealth; will love lose its essence?"

may be true in a way,
but what i only know is that it might have caused a love gone cold & lost, or is it a result of conscience disobedience? Would picking up & dialing really change it all?..

and all the if-i-would-haves that welled up in me, setting up a happier past and blame it on the present, I find myself trembling on a long winding road towards self-forgiveness. Reconciliation is moreover, beyond reach.

All these kept thumping, breaking the last remaining strings attached to my heart..
..and right at this moment, i stand weeping in the rain.

..

.





but God, why do you still hear me?..

why are you near the contrite hearted..


In the pelting of darkness,
when my soul cringe in deformity of your likeness..
..

but because of your love,
my soul sings in the hope of life.

and i have sweet dreams every night,
under your wings of everlasting promise.




tomorrow, a door to sunrise..