2010 ending, last words.

Many things happened this 2010 yr..

The joy of building up and pain in accepting the break of a new relationship
The months spent thinking about career path & meaning of life and eventually quit the audit job
the crazy job... the crazy, crazy audit job...
The journey thru church doors and Cambodia orphan homes
The new found job without job-searching and worries of west africa & india, the RM500 million acquisition..
Moving back to JB
Juggling of work demands, ministry needs, study requirement and lack of proper social life sometimes
Internal struggles, barely avoiding breaking point and complicated thoughts
The joy of guiding and watching the younger ones grow
learning n guiding senior staff
Stresses in the feeling of incompetence followed by God's deliverance
Procrastination & inhumane perseverance
Tiredness, exhaustion.

Yet God is faithful, and His grace and strength is overwhelming.
What would next year be? What multitude of experiences awaiting? What joy & peace in Christ through all circumstances?

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

You are ever faithful.. =)

"With everything that You've started in me, I believe that You will be faithful"

~Lincoln Brewster ("Best Days", 2010)

Till then before the 31 Dec countdown, spend time withdrawing myself to seek the Lord and renew my mind for a fresh start =)

Lincoln Brewster - Best days

awesome christmas-eve movie!!! =D

Merry Christmas

Luke 2

The Birth of Jesus

¹ In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to their own town to register.

⁴ So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

²¹ On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.

Jesus Presented in the Temple

²² When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord ²³ (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”), ²⁴ and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”

²⁵ Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. ²⁶ It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. ²⁷ Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, ²⁸ Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:

²⁹ “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you may now dismiss your servant in peace.
³⁰ For my eyes have seen your salvation,
³¹ which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:
³² a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
and the glory of your people Israel.”

³³ The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. ³⁴ Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, ³⁵ so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”

³⁶ There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, ³⁷ and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. ³⁸ Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.

³⁹ When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. ⁴⁰ And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.

The Boy Jesus at the Temple

⁴¹ Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. ⁴² When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom. ⁴³ After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. ⁴⁴ Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. ⁴⁵ When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. ⁴⁶ After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. ⁴⁸ When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”

⁴⁹ “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” ⁵⁰ But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

⁵¹ Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. ⁵² And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

Revelation 12

The Woman and the Dragon

¹ A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. ² She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. ³ Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. ⁴ Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. ⁵ She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter.”And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. ⁶ The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.

⁷ Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. ⁸ But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. ⁹ The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

¹⁰ Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
¹¹ They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
¹² Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short.”

¹³ When the dragon saw that he had been hurled to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. ¹⁴ The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so that she might fly to the place prepared for her in the wilderness, where she would be taken care of for a time, times and half a time, out of the serpent’s reach. ¹⁵ Then from his mouth the serpent spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the torrent. ¹⁶ But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. ¹⁷ Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring—those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.

Joy of serving the next generation

*When too tired, printscreen =P

Your best years are ahead ~~

short & sweet ~





& Simplicity ~

1st day back to office after exam

1st day back to office after exam, and i got called for discussion by the GM, senior accountant & treasury dept even before i find my seat, and later on again called to the GM room for discussion.
and then in 30 mins whisk away for a full day's seminar n discussion on implementation of SAP.

how small & busy i felt but still gotha cope & improve...

"oh the kid's gotha learn a lot"

Who you hang out with

When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

~ Acts 4:13

Only memories

As of mid-Dec 2010, all my colleagues in the same audit team in my previous firm has resigned & left. What's left are only memories of the crazy hours, extreme stresses, wide exposure and fun we had while coping with them.

All went back to their respective countries, indonesia, australia, china, me malaysia, another further to UK. All have gotten stronger & wiser...

sigh.. memories..

Holocaust to Lincoln

A few years back when I had a few weeks of holiday from college, I did a brief research on the Holocaust and it changed my perspective in life.

And if I am granted holiday again someday, next will be on the life of Abraham Lincoln.

I want to know how he journeyed from a child till his death - the miles walked just to borrow books, the person who only had less than 2 years of formal education, the many hours spent reading the bible and copying parts to memorise it, his work as a farm labourer, rail worker, military captain, grocery store owner, postmaster, land surveyor, lawyer, political figure & US president.

The numerous, numerous setbacks - Family lost land title, death of mother at 9 yrs old, considered to be lazy by family & neighbours, 1st fiance died before marriage, 2nd relationship failed, 3rd one split as marriage day approaching. Business failed, business partner died, bankruptcy & spent 17 yrs repaying debt. 2nd son died at 3 yrs old, 3rd son died at 11 yrs old, 4th son died at 18 yrs old. Had nervous breakdown, suffered from clinical depression.

Politically: Defeated for state legislature, defeated for speaker, defeated for nomination for Congress, lost renomination, defeated for US senate, defeated for nomination for vice president, elected President.

Consistently rated as one of 3 greatest presidents of US. Went through the civil war, preserved the union, ended slavery.

Die when I may, I want it said by those who knew me best that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow.

~Abraham Lincoln

Shy's impression

Like My Status & I will tell you ---

1) How we met
2) My first impression of you
3) What I like about you
...4) Favorite memory with you
5) A song that reminds me of you
6) Dare you to put this on your status

Victor
1. Teenz? You're priscilla's elder brother and alan raved about your drumming skill haha.
2. You looked dai dai and sleepy but turned out to be crazy both in humour and behind the drums.
3. You think deeply about the things that are hap...pening and makes me feel less crazy.
4. Hanging out after teenz going for supper, but rivaling badminton sessions =)
5. I Am Nothing - Ginny Owens

Everything that occurs..

Everything that occurs teaches and prepares you for the next stage of life.
Nothing is lost.

~Zig Ziglar

Nothing is lost, comforts the old melancholy in fading youthfulness. Forgotten feelings are only feelings. Today, He made all things new.

You will surely find at the journey’s end,
Whatever the world may afford,
That things fade away, and success is seen
In the life that has served the Lord.

Both Sides Now

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.

~Joni Mitchell

Sonnet XVII

when too stressed, read poetry.. Pablo Neruda.

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

is it..

to most i am this, to a handful i am that, to some, maybe; to the few, silently.

Purpose

"God’s purpose is not to perfect me to make me a trophy in His showcase; He is getting me to the place where He can use me. Let Him do what He wants.."
~Oswald Chambers (My utmost for His highest devotional)

Stress management

Learning to handle a "small" manufacturing company. To them it's small, to me & my inexperience, it's overwhelming at times.

Coping with a work that I heard usually need months of training first. How long am I working here, slightly over 2 months, do I look like a kiddo with too heavy responsibilities. Learning.. learning.. to be dependable, to hold up with colleagues and a support group of staff older than me.. To be able to hold a good level of understanding and give sound advice when they come to me.. and to cope well in my personal capacity. Not a manager but due to being somewhat in the lower middle of the corporate ladder, have to serve the supporting staff members. First time doing so, previously in SG only an assistant. Many things to learn & teach & guide, many more hours to put in, much more leadership qualities & problem-solving skills expected.

And where is God, have my whirlwinds spin Him off the centre of my life? I came to church so exhausted i think i yawned a dozen times during prayer, there are many things done and not done; there are things that I have done well and things I used to hold on to tightly but now have neglected. Eh... I have changed.

Faith is not a crutch. Faith may be a strength unknown of human ability & a vision with a purpose. And I know Your joy is exceeding and never fades. You never change, Your love is always the same. So here I am, to abide & follow You, everywhere from the drum stool to the executive chair, and to the hopeful unknown region in future.

Found in You

There are many things that could warm a heart; by having a fulfilling career, great family, lovely partner, beautiful children, close friendships. A home, a house, a fun car, all-round growing ministry.

But above these desires, I am found in You. I am found in You. And I'll live the life You want me to.

Our main business

‎"Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand."

~Thomas Carlyle

Father Samaan and Garbage City

This is a short documentary on Father Samaan and "Garbage City" where the Zabaleen of Egypt live. It is about the miraculous transformation of the people through Christ and the building of the Church in the Mokattam Mountain.

1st episode - done!

Today marks the end of 1st episode of this career in JB. Merging, assist to manage & now relocating back to main office for a combined accounting staff of 30+.

Had the best chicken rice in PG @ LAN coffee cafe..

Next, SAP & new consolidation pack. Waiting & hoping to be posted soon.

This is the video that will make me work harder, much harder

Joy

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Falling apart

There is a very fragile thin line holding everything outside the family. I am a bad juggler in rubber balls like ministry, work & studies. Say work, well I have been sick 3 times already and once waking up at 4am to do work but to find myself falling back to sleep again every hour until 7am and later show up in office tired. Bad stress management. Ministry - I have not been follow through "-ing" completely. Bad ministry partner. Studies - who knows what can this guy come up with - been so smart to study at McD from 7-8.30am before a 10-12hrs work day, eventually burning himself up to fall sick and look sickly tired at work. Bad time management.

If not for the grace of God, the guy sitting a few feet away from you is quietly falling apart. What I am, the things He has made beautiful in my life, in His time, it's all Him. No me.

Going to sleep, too much in mind. Got a feeling, something's gonna burn up soon.

窗外瞭望

窗外瞭望

晨雾茫茫
缓缓升起太阳
匆匆一天开场
有人已经在忙，有人才刚起床
后脚还在梦乡，前脚踩进天光
当我将双眼闭上
一条泪河
窜流中央...

Names

There are a handful of names going thru my head soon, names unheard of in CBC, probably seen before in person but not knowing them. This thing leads from handling the band, no choice. On a separate matter, I am happy to safely say my music collection is now complete.

As for the singers for the band, think Glee. Probably.

Ps 39

“Show me, LORD, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath,
even those who seem secure."

“Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom;
in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth
without knowing whose it will finally be."

the beautiful weekend

sister came back.

went for a malay wedding luncheon with dad n sis, thereafter visited the monash medical campus in the hospital, admire the colonial architecture. drove around old town area, admiring beautiful houses and had great time with dad.

Ming Soon came by our house for a while, he shared his joy of praying to God and getting his desires, got an A for UPSR malay and gotten entry to English College - meaning don't have to leave home to the vocational school for handicapped in KL.

heard from sis about his mom's testimony, a powerful word from God in the book of John about the story of the blind man, being born blind not because of the parent's sins but for the glory of God. She cried n cried after reading this..

celebrated sis' n dad's birthday.
attended company's annual dinner.

still had outstanding office work though. massive stress after being informed after sat night.

missed wmm committee meeting, missed church's vision casting meeting, missed david n nec's farewell party. missed sun service's sermon. missed socializing with friends. settled part of christmas prac, still settling christmas' youth band arrangement - more than i expected, hope will be great for the kids.

watched online new life church sermon. Learned about the greatest desire of God, expounded from Genesis, Ezekiel and Isaiah. cried.

cell group was great too.

find myself kept listening to this song.. find lots of comfort in tiredness..

Rubber-band life

Another long day at work, near those make-it-or-break-it days..

Life feels like a big big rubber-band, it never stops stretching.

Got a feeling that it's the start of the next great 10-year cycle. Tough but unexpectedly fulfilling, again the road less travelled?

The Here and Now and Not Yet

What prosperity gospel gets right, what suffering theology gets wrong, how both miss the point.. reading..

http://glennpackiam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2010/11/the-here-and-now-and-not-yet.html

Loved

opps, falling sick again.. too much too much....



"I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved. I am not sure that you are of the same kind. But the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave. This is the world of literature and speech and I shall take leave to tell you that you are very dear."
-G.Eliot


I thank God that during this Sunday's worship, out of the many things He could have said, He reassured that I am loved.

And the 2nd best thing that happened is that my best friend asked "how are you?". It has been a long while, I can't remember when's the last that somebody asked how am I as the start and content of a whole conversation.


Glee

Dreams

I guess the ownership and clarity of dreams would move me forward.

Sesame Street - drums

Kermit interviews Animal, discussing his influences and his love of drums. When animal mentions that he likes to eat his drums, Kermit says, “How ‘cymballic’,” prompting Animal to yell, “Bad pun! Bad pun!” Kermit decides not to replace Animal with a new drummer, Tony Checkers, after Animal beats Kermit senseless.

• During the first drum solo on this compilation, Animal plays so fast that his drums go up in flames.
• The second drum duet is a classic drum-off between the great Buddy Rich and Animal. Buddy Rich’s talents cause Animal’s jaw to drop open, before he throws a drum at Buddy’s head in a fit of rage. This is one of the best Sesame Street sketches of all-time, AND it displays examples of rudimental techniques combined with great showmanship.
• Animal shows how overplaying can annoy the other musicians in the band (and the audience). The singer Rita Moreno, is not impressed with Animal’s hilariously out-of-control playing during the song, “Fever.” When an aggravated Rita tells Animal to chill, he decides to play in an even louder and out of control manner.

Campus dreams

If I were to take my course on a full-time basis rather than online, this would be the place I frequent for lectures. Goodbye, campus dreams. Hereon to the professional working world..

great movie for deepavali =)

sofa chair room

i could use a comfy sofa-chair & calming lights in the room..

romanticize, london skies

Heartbreak truth

You are not your own

"...The first thing God does is get us grounded on strong reality and truth. He does this until our cares for ourselves individually have been brought into submission to His way for the purpose of His redemption. Why shouldn’t we experience heartbreak? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us collapse at the first grip of pain. We sit down at the door of God’s purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity. And all the so-called Christian sympathy of others helps us to our deathbed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, as if to say, “Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.” If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?"

~Oswald Chambers

The Switch

every once in a while in all randomness, something unexpected happens and it pushes us all forward; and the truth is, when i'm starting to think, when i'm starting to feel, is that maybe the human race isn't a race at all.

If i were to be a singer, i'll be..

Khalil Fong.

方大同

when u can't get enough of the same song

The 6 greetings

1) Oh my goodness it's so hard to find young musicians that are willing to practice, i don't even require much talent, none are willing to prac, very few find passion in the joy of music-making or worship. goodness will the next musical generation cease to survive..

2) yay, the holding company launches its first sustainability report today! In accordance with the Global Initiative Report, finally the world's leading edible oil manufacturer has put environmental and social responsibility on paper to satisfy the larger stakeholders.. hope that tomorrow won't be too tiring.. big report to prepare with my inexperienced mind.. goodness i still have to prepare for the coming exam too and prevent myself from falling sick again..

3) it just started raining now at 10.30pm, the rain falls down, breaking the tangled rambutan leaves to the ground, or the rusty zink covering outside my room, produces an incomprehensible serenity to be enjoyed lying on the bed with utter silence. Not one word to be spoken after breathing in the wet, fresh whisk of sky, breathing out sheer delight.

4) i find stewardship management to be fairly effective in corporate leadership and also in ministry. Not that it is a great method, but a great lifestyle.


5) oh my goodness look at that little kid, can she get any cuter than this?

6) how are you? =)

There are only very few close friends who can understand that these 6 things can come out from the same person at the same time if he chooses to... maybe it's preferable that i stay single for now, lol.

wise

somebody said all the predicaments paid the sacrifice to make me a wiser person..
sigh... can't feel much wiser, the eyes felt older though..


iWise

Sunset musings

it is the sunset sky n family that makes me stay.

and today, on a Sunday, while on the way back after packing dinner for family, the sunset rests above the flowing trees on a windy slow fall. Simply - beautiful.

Would it be more wonderful? I asked Him would it be made true in the future, for the waves would never stop for its beaches. Would it be made true, in the breath of a thousand sighs and quiet wishes. In the tired grip on the steering wheels at the end of the day, after the laughs of young teenagers and aged adults, or the smiling distant faces and fading memories. Could You search it once again today, the heart which yearns for something, search it through and through, a heart longing to be home with You.

Wipe my invisible tears, O Lord. Just want to be quiet in Your love. To be still and know that the heart of hearts is given to you, for I know I can trust in your love. I can be still... I can be still.

It's beautiful to me

"It's beautiful to me
Your holy mystery
I'm standing here in awe
Of how you make everything
So beautiful to me
Someday I will see
How You hold this wounded heart
And make it perfect and complete
And it's beautiful to me
Beautiful"

~Kerrie Roberts

=)

tendency

if for anything i start developing a habit of pushing myself until the brink of falling sick; if not then slack like nobody's business, seldom have healthy consistency.. better rest more now.... and change.

Sundays

Glad to find a photo that depicts the current feeling, tired & thinking. This Sunday surprised to find my neighbour (a 12-yr old blind boy) sitting at the front portion in the church hall after i played the drums, he came to english service just because i'm there.. wow. (supposed to be at bilingual service with mum) Mom's now looking for ways to get him a Braille bible.

If there is anything attributable to my own effort & success, it is never my circle of influence. I find God can mold me through the years and place people in my life to be a positive impact to them, not by the sheer effort of wanting to influence people, but by abiding in Him and he will somehow open a way for me to walk in the specific path He prepared. And it seems that nowadays it is the path of picking up those left behind and stand by the broken-hearted. And as soon as I start to think how great am I to be doing this and resumed doing this my way with my method, I start to get tired easily. Now you know why I'm tired, ha.

If to sum up what I've observed over these few years, is that the path to greatness (fulfilling life's calling / live life most satisfactorily) seems to be a path to smallness. Maybe that's why they called it ministry, all the "mini's" and you have to "try", sort of, ha. You shall increase, I shall (either the hard or easy way) decrease.


"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."
~Solomon (Ecc 12:13)


Christmas wish this year:
- Friends and family healthy, fruitful & happy
- Pass my exams confidently
- Somebody borrow me A.W. Tozer's book: The Pursuit of God =)

Cell group

no words needed..

OH MY GOSH

oh my gosh i just amended the messiest poem (before amendment) i've ever written to be submitted for church publication!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jane Lui

Goodnight company =)

Just the way you are

Seldom listen to radio songs, but this is different. The way to Billboard #1 is to let them know who they really are - special.

new blog skin & phase

"lala blah blah blu bluek blueah!"

goes the initial blog title and then i thought i'd better put a proper one in.

Changed the skin, changed the tone, went back to how I used to write - with a pic and music to set the tone.. Too bad I just came back from office at 9, would imagine myself wrapped thick on a white beach bench on a winter morning with hot cocoa.

I had one those moments again, if you ever had a wacky idea or 'could-it-possibly' scenario fooling around your mind and you entertain it like a leisurely squash game.

I have nothing to write about but a myriad of imaginations butterflying with a music like this. A quick getaway from office, after they acquired a group of companies with annual sales topping a billion, messy documentations and unmotivated staff. And unfinished accounting studies.

I walked pass the tall mirror to the kitchen, amused at myself, 'cause I changed into a blue flowered Hawaiian bermuda pants while still wearing the formal white striped shirt. "That's so me!"

Tomorrow's gonna be a war to finish all unfinished business, in office. Sigh.

but still.. Praise the Lord, I have a much better life now compared to the past 2 yrs in SG.

--

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." ~Maya Angelou


~joking, but seriously, kick some.

testing new camera..

Leaders drive

Dad

nostal-door

past

mutterings..

worry lines of life

praying for open doors..

speck, plank, light

sis said don't read photography articles, take the photo just as i see it.. try try...

Dreamer

One of the worst moments in my life is the shattering of dreams. But it's been a while, and at home after work, after the night's dream-come-true home-cooked dinner, here it comes again, not the shattering part but recollection of old and new ones.

Above deviantart picture entails almost exactly how it felt sometimes when i was driving home from work, sitting in church with closed eyes, jogging around the stadium at dawn, and lying down on the sofa at home. The tremendous sense of belittling awe, or a relaxing one. And also how it felt sometimes after a long day of work in the past, back to a quiet dark condo seeing the stars struggling to light up itself distinctly against the city sky, like myself. There is rest, there is a little fear, there is some hope, some darkness, light, there is beauty, dullness, past, present and yeah - future. reality rich in imagination. Like a dream. like a dreamer.

Do I still continue to hold on to the old ones, like the one i had since about 15, of sitting on the drum stool on a huge elevated stage in a open air christian concert at dusk, playing with such passion in the oblivion of tens of thousands worshipers singing holy. Or the little, already destroyed ones, of leading a wonderful inspiring cell group of 13, 14 year-olds, grooming them into well-matured leaders that will rock the world.

there are also more reality based ones like holding a paper creased into a roll, holding my head confidently with a squarish hat with a short line hanging back down like a crystalised short stream of tears (of hardwork & trepidation). Or the fulfillment of all artistic hungry pangs as stated in the previous post.

Or at last, the simplicity of loving someone who will love back.




Time passes, some shut eyes will remain shut eyed. tastes change. Some unexpected ones came true though. Like the moment I be story-teller to a cutey little orphan girl in Cambodia, to found out that all she wants is just someone to be around her, and that the 101 Dalmatians book I read is the exact book I read as a child.

And sitting on the shallow side of the beach with no cares of the world or time, windsurfing, kayaking and snorkeling to a nearby little island. Lying on a pitch dark beach, seeing shooting stars.

And riding free along the seaside at sunset, or jazz drumming alone in dimmed yellow light at seaside. Or writing the best possible poem. Or the all-so-surprised smiles coming from colleagues, family & friends. Time well spent talking and shouldering other people's burdens. Having super great siblings whom I can pour my heart out to and trust completely, whether at home or in Melbourne. So many of them and I feel thankful. yet for now..



I dream of waking up bruised and broken in a war-torn country yet full of fiery passion and joy for other souls. I dream of backpacking nepal and cambodia. I dream having short business trips to Europe. I dream of planing across the sea at above 50km/h, really windsurfing. I dream of staying with a local family in Italy or France, to learn a different culture & lifestyle. I dream of finishing my studies and retain an open mind of continuous learning. I dream of finally being completely free to live and love fearlessly. I dream of spending the rest of the evening walking in streets of Rome with a loved one. I dream of having a beautiful wife and daughter to spend the rest of my life loving them.

so far are the dreams at 10.50pm. so much more to come when i lie down on my bed. I pray that i'll lay each it of them down at each new day to live relentlessly and un-apologetically true to myself and my God. I don't know if this is possible but it excites me. hee..

They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, and moves on with each next little steps.

The day a mind speaks

If there is something i would like to do really well (besides studies) is to take great unedited natural light portraits and black & whites, and to pick up the people left behind.

Happen to have a 50 cent australian coin beside me, reminds me of my bro everytime i see it.

was sick, took MC and stayed home all day (almost) and watched Eat, Pray, Love. How much I missed the better movies in the past. Intelligent quotes and musings don't make up enough for puffed up contemporary content.

Need to learn to stand on my feet in workplace because greater responsibilities may be coming.

Gosh i'm so hungry intellectually and artistically. I could use a dream vacation, spend a day learning landscape painting, half day composing modern prose/poetry, 2 days learning to bake french pastry and cook chinese cuisine, 3 days drumming with a jazz and pop band, 5 sunset evenings honing my windsurfing followed by al-fresco dining and listening to live classical music in Prague, 1 day learning basics of photography, join a book club in C.S. Lewis & Emily Dickinson writings, and have study friends in revising accountancy.

I don't complete paragraphs or thoughts or actions anymore, everything seems so random and unlinked. Ideas seems disillusioned, there is no meaning in forming an opinion anymore.

Probably i'm tired and need more rest while still sick. Lightly ignoring the weekday role as an exec, learning n learning to lead.

No, not. I just missed older days when there is no need for Gmail buzz, twitter nor Facebook. Besides family & God, there is no substitute for face to face conversations with old friends.

Now, not influence, not even substance. Nothing out of the circle of family seem to matter anymore.

I am drowning in reconnaissance desire of an undulated Ecclesiastes mood. Even if there is a cure, there seem to be no meaningful definition of spiritual nor secular normalcy.

Love & its defiance of its own gravity

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness."

~Julia Roberts

omnipotence of God by C.S. Lewis

God's omnipotence means power to do all that is intrinsically possible, not to do the intrinsically impossible. You may attribute miracles to Him, but not nonsense. This is no limit to His power. If you choose to say 'God can give a creature free will and and at the same time withhold free will from it', you have succeeded in saying anything about God: meaningless combination of words do not suddenly acquire meaning simply because we prefix to them the two other words 'God can'. It remains true that all things are possible with God: the intrinsic impossibilities are not things but nonentities. It is no more possible for God than for the weakest of His creatures to carry out both of two mutually exclusive alternatives; not because His power meets an obstacle, but because nonsense remains nonsense even when we talk it about God.

-C.S. Lewis

sky boy

he crisscrosses the majestic masses from miles behind me
to across mushrooms of sunsets in the foreshore of light

missing

sounds crazy, but i feel like i've missed out on a lot things living in peaceful times..

marketplace calling

if this is what it takes, here I go.

Canon S95

maybe this will cure my photojournalism and artistic hungry pangs from time to time..

whirlwind

mind's a constant whirlwind.

windsurf against own wind.

so tired.

i hope the 4 newly acquired companies' accounts would be done soon, i'll be super familiar with palm oil & oleochemicals processing and workflow of all processes, i'll finish up my ACCA PER requirement for previous tax and audit directors' approval n signature, settle drums in CBC n english service, assist christmas bilingual & english. study financial reporting n advanced performance management. finish reading CS Lewis & value investing books, done my research in SG & M'sia listed companies, catch up with all my friends, have good time with close ones, enjoy my life, continue practicing windsurfing. take up photography, continue writing blog n poetry. prepare for future local n overseas business trips.

but i can't i can't, because there's too much whirlwind. too much whirlwind. too much whirlwind.....

Heh :)

One of those little special moments which I hope to remember longer :)

Reminds me to appreciate all the quiet giants in church who serve unnoticed.

Guess that I have to continue creating the sole pairs of footsteps on the less preferred path.

Jia you, victor! Jia you! Don't laze around, don't drown yourself in your negative tsunamis. Put in effort in the ministries, your work n studies! Don't give up on yourself, don't give up on the young ones!!

Stars

"Star light, star bright
Wish I may, wish I might"

I remember, I remember,
I wished that thine would shine like an ember

Lesser an angel, lesser a dream
Fulfill heart's constellations that they may be seen

Look far, a dear,
It's patterns woven on thy seams
Hidden below, no fear
a trust never so unseen

Hi there, dear heart
how long has it been
be true, to thyself
and to the maker of thy being.

=)

Feather II (and last)

And here it is, at the end of the windy road
where the paths diverge

Bid goodbyes to an unseen feather already flew away.

It will be beautiful.

It shall.

Beautiful, finally free

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-12

LongDi

Long Di came by Christine's house when morning devotion is about to end. He is thin, average height, wears specs. He is prim n proper, wears a short sleeve collared shirt tucked into his slacks. His shirt is slightly yellowish and old, looking like an aged cloth in a dusty environment.

When he first walked into the house, he seemed quiet and unassuming, like a nice quiet boy brought up from a humble family and moved to the city to further study. He studies law in the university, or maybe already graduated.

He greeted me, put his hands together, "chom-rik-sue", with a smile. His eyes lighted up upon meeting us, and we sat down in the living down. The conversation started, and this 24-year old humble young man spoke.

He talked about the ministry that he is running, trying to create avenue for young people to earn a living while furthering their studies in the city's uni after moving in from the provinces. The 3 learning centres that he is overseeing and the leaders he is training up to live a better life and impact the society. And the clear vision he has for the future.

He does not seem to express the fiery passion for God outwardly like i thought a person with his capabilities would. His tone is calm, he explains what he does like how i would talk to my friend about where to lunch out later.

And in this same unassuming, natural conversation, he ended with this last sentence which i could not remember exactly but is roughly like this:

"My life is meant to live for God, so this is what I will continue to do for His glory".

This is the 10-min conversation that shattered my pride. The many years growing up in church, eventually thinking that to live all for my King is the greatest honour and arduous journey which also command the utmost respect among the same-faith peers is actually just as simple as this - it is only the natural thing to do so.

To follow Christ, to bear his cross, to love God n love others. Isn't that what I have signed for as a Christ-follower? To follow in His footsteps, to fulfill his calling in the works of my hands, to be molded like him in mind, soul n strength could only be the only mission of my life. I can't wash my sins away, I won't earn enough to laugh at the streets of gold, I can't even do anything of my own well without living in His grace.

So this might very well be it, not about being here in Cambodia to do all the wonderful things but more than that - witnessing the lives of the quiet people who magnified Christ and changed the world, and be inspired to do so for the next 50 years of my life.

orphanage programme

e went into the 2nd phase of the mission trip, to join Christine in the Khmer ministry. Ordered about 80 crab fish & sausage sandwiches and brought it into the orphanage. Kids run out of the building to greet us & wanting to hug us even before we got down the ‘tut tut’. They lined up for the sandwiches and we hand it to them one by one, they hold their palms together n thanked us before receiving it, with such pure sincerity and appreciation that I am moved to near tears. To put it in short, we played games, sing songs, did a drama, boon fei shared a bit..

We go off again, saying byes n getting hugs.. I wouldn’t understand that significant contribution we did to impact the place, what have we done to deserve such joy n love from the kids, but while on the way of the sunset ‘tut tut’ ride to the Russian market roadside eatery stalls, it seems that the dusty air and unfamiliar surroundings have dawned on me that He breathed life into my soul. God still breathes, in every willing life, no matter in the slums or royal palace, he died so that we have the opportunity to live; or probably in my case, to see and feel His heartbeat, to learn to love and live.

*P.S. Beef noodles ‘ho sek’ & beef satay ‘ho dai’ wor..

14-28 Aug mission trip..