and today, on a Sunday, while on the way back after packing dinner for family, the sunset rests above the flowing trees on a windy slow fall. Simply - beautiful.
Would it be more wonderful? I asked Him would it be made true in the future, for the waves would never stop for its beaches. Would it be made true, in the breath of a thousand sighs and quiet wishes. In the tired grip on the steering wheels at the end of the day, after the laughs of young teenagers and aged adults, or the smiling distant faces and fading memories. Could You search it once again today, the heart which yearns for something, search it through and through, a heart longing to be home with You.
Wipe my invisible tears, O Lord. Just want to be quiet in Your love. To be still and know that the heart of hearts is given to you, for I know I can trust in your love. I can be still... I can be still.
"It's beautiful to me Your holy mystery I'm standing here in awe Of how you make everything So beautiful to me Someday I will see How You hold this wounded heart And make it perfect and complete And it's beautiful to me Beautiful"
if for anything i start developing a habit of pushing myself until the brink of falling sick; if not then slack like nobody's business, seldom have healthy consistency.. better rest more now.... and change.
Glad to find a photo that depicts the current feeling, tired & thinking. This Sunday surprised to find my neighbour (a 12-yr old blind boy) sitting at the front portion in the church hall after i played the drums, he came to english service just because i'm there.. wow. (supposed to be at bilingual service with mum) Mom's now looking for ways to get him a Braille bible.
If there is anything attributable to my own effort & success, it is never my circle of influence. I find God can mold me through the years and place people in my life to be a positive impact to them, not by the sheer effort of wanting to influence people, but by abiding in Him and he will somehow open a way for me to walk in the specific path He prepared. And it seems that nowadays it is the path of picking up those left behind and stand by the broken-hearted. And as soon as I start to think how great am I to be doing this and resumed doing this my way with my method, I start to get tired easily. Now you know why I'm tired, ha.
If to sum up what I've observed over these few years, is that the path to greatness (fulfilling life's calling / live life most satisfactorily) seems to be a path to smallness. Maybe that's why they called it ministry, all the "mini's" and you have to "try", sort of, ha. You shall increase, I shall (either the hard or easy way) decrease.
"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." ~Solomon (Ecc 12:13)
Christmas wish this year: - Friends and family healthy, fruitful & happy - Pass my exams confidently - Somebody borrow me A.W. Tozer's book: The Pursuit of God =)
goes the initial blog title and then i thought i'd better put a proper one in.
Changed the skin, changed the tone, went back to how I used to write - with a pic and music to set the tone.. Too bad I just came back from office at 9, would imagine myself wrapped thick on a white beach bench on a winter morning with hot cocoa.
I had one those moments again, if you ever had a wacky idea or 'could-it-possibly' scenario fooling around your mind and you entertain it like a leisurely squash game.
I have nothing to write about but a myriad of imaginations butterflying with a music like this. A quick getaway from office, after they acquired a group of companies with annual sales topping a billion, messy documentations and unmotivated staff. And unfinished accounting studies.
I walked pass the tall mirror to the kitchen, amused at myself, 'cause I changed into a blue flowered Hawaiian bermuda pants while still wearing the formal white striped shirt. "That's so me!"
Tomorrow's gonna be a war to finish all unfinished business, in office. Sigh.
but still.. Praise the Lord, I have a much better life now compared to the past 2 yrs in SG.
--
"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." ~Maya Angelou
One of the worst moments in my life is the shattering of dreams. But it's been a while, and at home after work, after the night's dream-come-true home-cooked dinner, here it comes again, not the shattering part but recollection of old and new ones.
Above deviantart picture entails almost exactly how it felt sometimes when i was driving home from work, sitting in church with closed eyes, jogging around the stadium at dawn, and lying down on the sofa at home. The tremendous sense of belittling awe, or a relaxing one. And also how it felt sometimes after a long day of work in the past, back to a quiet dark condo seeing the stars struggling to light up itself distinctly against the city sky, like myself. There is rest, there is a little fear, there is some hope, some darkness, light, there is beauty, dullness, past, present and yeah - future. reality rich in imagination. Like a dream. like a dreamer.
Do I still continue to hold on to the old ones, like the one i had since about 15, of sitting on the drum stool on a huge elevated stage in a open air christian concert at dusk, playing with such passion in the oblivion of tens of thousands worshipers singing holy. Or the little, already destroyed ones, of leading a wonderful inspiring cell group of 13, 14 year-olds, grooming them into well-matured leaders that will rock the world.
there are also more reality based ones like holding a paper creased into a roll, holding my head confidently with a squarish hat with a short line hanging back down like a crystalised short stream of tears (of hardwork & trepidation). Or the fulfillment of all artistic hungry pangs as stated in the previous post.
Or at last, the simplicity of loving someone who will love back.
Time passes, some shut eyes will remain shut eyed. tastes change. Some unexpected ones came true though. Like the moment I be story-teller to a cutey little orphan girl in Cambodia, to found out that all she wants is just someone to be around her, and that the 101 Dalmatians book I read is the exact book I read as a child.
And sitting on the shallow side of the beach with no cares of the world or time, windsurfing, kayaking and snorkeling to a nearby little island. Lying on a pitch dark beach, seeing shooting stars.
And riding free along the seaside at sunset, or jazz drumming alone in dimmed yellow light at seaside. Or writing the best possible poem. Or the all-so-surprised smiles coming from colleagues, family & friends. Time well spent talking and shouldering other people's burdens. Having super great siblings whom I can pour my heart out to and trust completely, whether at home or in Melbourne. So many of them and I feel thankful. yet for now..
I dream of waking up bruised and broken in a war-torn country yet full of fiery passion and joy for other souls. I dream of backpacking nepal and cambodia. I dream having short business trips to Europe. I dream of planing across the sea at above 50km/h, really windsurfing. I dream of staying with a local family in Italy or France, to learn a different culture & lifestyle. I dream of finishing my studies and retain an open mind of continuous learning. I dream of finally being completely free to live and love fearlessly. I dream of spending the rest of the evening walking in streets of Rome with a loved one. I dream of having a beautiful wife and daughter to spend the rest of my life loving them.
so far are the dreams at 10.50pm. so much more to come when i lie down on my bed. I pray that i'll lay each it of them down at each new day to live relentlessly and un-apologetically true to myself and my God. I don't know if this is possible but it excites me. hee..
They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, and moves on with each next little steps.
If there is something i would like to do really well (besides studies) is to take great unedited natural light portraits and black & whites, and to pick up the people left behind.
Happen to have a 50 cent australian coin beside me, reminds me of my bro everytime i see it.
was sick, took MC and stayed home all day (almost) and watched Eat, Pray, Love. How much I missed the better movies in the past. Intelligent quotes and musings don't make up enough for puffed up contemporary content.
Need to learn to stand on my feet in workplace because greater responsibilities may be coming.
Gosh i'm so hungry intellectually and artistically. I could use a dream vacation, spend a day learning landscape painting, half day composing modern prose/poetry, 2 days learning to bake french pastry and cook chinese cuisine, 3 days drumming with a jazz and pop band, 5 sunset evenings honing my windsurfing followed by al-fresco dining and listening to live classical music in Prague, 1 day learning basics of photography, join a book club in C.S. Lewis & Emily Dickinson writings, and have study friends in revising accountancy.
I don't complete paragraphs or thoughts or actions anymore, everything seems so random and unlinked. Ideas seems disillusioned, there is no meaning in forming an opinion anymore.
Probably i'm tired and need more rest while still sick. Lightly ignoring the weekday role as an exec, learning n learning to lead.
No, not. I just missed older days when there is no need for Gmail buzz, twitter nor Facebook. Besides family & God, there is no substitute for face to face conversations with old friends.
Now, not influence, not even substance. Nothing out of the circle of family seem to matter anymore.
I am drowning in reconnaissance desire of an undulated Ecclesiastes mood. Even if there is a cure, there seem to be no meaningful definition of spiritual nor secular normalcy.
God's omnipotence means power to do all that is intrinsically possible, not to do the intrinsically impossible. You may attribute miracles to Him, but not nonsense. This is no limit to His power. If you choose to say 'God can give a creature free will and and at the same time withhold free will from it', you have succeeded in saying anything about God: meaningless combination of words do not suddenly acquire meaning simply because we prefix to them the two other words 'God can'. It remains true that all things are possible with God: the intrinsic impossibilities are not things but nonentities. It is no more possible for God than for the weakest of His creatures to carry out both of two mutually exclusive alternatives; not because His power meets an obstacle, but because nonsense remains nonsense even when we talk it about God.
i hope the 4 newly acquired companies' accounts would be done soon, i'll be super familiar with palm oil & oleochemicals processing and workflow of all processes, i'll finish up my ACCA PER requirement for previous tax and audit directors' approval n signature, settle drums in CBC n english service, assist christmas bilingual & english. study financial reporting n advanced performance management. finish reading CS Lewis & value investing books, done my research in SG & M'sia listed companies, catch up with all my friends, have good time with close ones, enjoy my life, continue practicing windsurfing. take up photography, continue writing blog n poetry. prepare for future local n overseas business trips.
but i can't i can't, because there's too much whirlwind. too much whirlwind. too much whirlwind.....
One of those little special moments which I hope to remember longer :)
Reminds me to appreciate all the quiet giants in church who serve unnoticed.
Guess that I have to continue creating the sole pairs of footsteps on the less preferred path.
Jia you, victor! Jia you! Don't laze around, don't drown yourself in your negative tsunamis. Put in effort in the ministries, your work n studies! Don't give up on yourself, don't give up on the young ones!!
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
Long Di came by Christine's house when morning devotion is about to end. He is thin, average height, wears specs. He is prim n proper, wears a short sleeve collared shirt tucked into his slacks. His shirt is slightly yellowish and old, looking like an aged cloth in a dusty environment.
When he first walked into the house, he seemed quiet and unassuming, like a nice quiet boy brought up from a humble family and moved to the city to further study. He studies law in the university, or maybe already graduated.
He greeted me, put his hands together, "chom-rik-sue", with a smile. His eyes lighted up upon meeting us, and we sat down in the living down. The conversation started, and this 24-year old humble young man spoke.
He talked about the ministry that he is running, trying to create avenue for young people to earn a living while furthering their studies in the city's uni after moving in from the provinces. The 3 learning centres that he is overseeing and the leaders he is training up to live a better life and impact the society. And the clear vision he has for the future.
He does not seem to express the fiery passion for God outwardly like i thought a person with his capabilities would. His tone is calm, he explains what he does like how i would talk to my friend about where to lunch out later.
And in this same unassuming, natural conversation, he ended with this last sentence which i could not remember exactly but is roughly like this:
"My life is meant to live for God, so this is what I will continue to do for His glory".
This is the 10-min conversation that shattered my pride. The many years growing up in church, eventually thinking that to live all for my King is the greatest honour and arduous journey which also command the utmost respect among the same-faith peers is actually just as simple as this - it is only the natural thing to do so.
To follow Christ, to bear his cross, to love God n love others. Isn't that what I have signed for as a Christ-follower? To follow in His footsteps, to fulfill his calling in the works of my hands, to be molded like him in mind, soul n strength could only be the only mission of my life. I can't wash my sins away, I won't earn enough to laugh at the streets of gold, I can't even do anything of my own well without living in His grace.
So this might very well be it, not about being here in Cambodia to do all the wonderful things but more than that - witnessing the lives of the quiet people who magnified Christ and changed the world, and be inspired to do so for the next 50 years of my life.
e went into the 2nd phase of the mission trip, to join Christine in the Khmer ministry. Ordered about 80 crab fish & sausage sandwiches and brought it into the orphanage. Kids run out of the building to greet us & wanting to hug us even before we got down the ‘tut tut’. They lined up for the sandwiches and we hand it to them one by one, they hold their palms together n thanked us before receiving it, with such pure sincerity and appreciation that I am moved to near tears. To put it in short, we played games, sing songs, did a drama, boon fei shared a bit..
We go off again, saying byes n getting hugs.. I wouldn’t understand that significant contribution we did to impact the place, what have we done to deserve such joy n love from the kids, but while on the way of the sunset ‘tut tut’ ride to the Russian market roadside eatery stalls, it seems that the dusty air and unfamiliar surroundings have dawned on me that He breathed life into my soul. God still breathes, in every willing life, no matter in the slums or royal palace, he died so that we have the opportunity to live; or probably in my case, to see and feel His heartbeat, to learn to love and live.
Thank God the sharing @ SDJ went well. Although i have forgotten to share my experience, hopefully the story-telling is sufficient.. Boon Fei said for 1st timer is not bad, said that i am a natural sharer... hmm..
Time passed fast and TnT Camp went by like a flash during the long weekend. A lot of good things happened and I'm glad that no matter how uncertain the future holds & how much facts and emotions fluctuate, God loves me dearly & is in control.
I just bought some dry food n wet tissues for the upcoming mission trip to Cambodia.. still have a list of ministry preparation which i haven't completed - testimony, worship leading... kid's drama, song leading, sharing, games.... drum teaching, english teaching assistance..
Want to be fully prepared, also spiritually, for this. I have always wanted to go overseas for missions, i have waited for more than 5 yrs for this....
Internship in church just in the beginning few days has open up my eyes to the many needs of the people around me that has tumbled into the sight n ears of the church full time ppl.
actually have someone guiding in how to listen, how to respond with empathy.. it's common sense but nice to hear from someone saying it again.
tomorrow ish friday CF, need to give 20-mins worth of sharing to 80+ students!!?! so nervous, public speaking is NOT my thing.. prepare prepare prepare.....
"We may have secret longings too deep to utter to others—perhaps a desire for marriage, or a work or ministry we’d like to perform, or a special place to serve. We must put each desire in God’s hands and pray, “Lord, You must choose for me. I will not choose for myself...”
IM SO SAD that its your last day. I will definitely miss you lots cuz you’ve always been the funny one in the office. I hope that you’ll have a great life ahead.
Hopefully we’ll meet again and wishing you all the best for ur ACCA!!!
I'll just have one more, last cup of yam then, on my last day of work.. =) Before going off to the 1-month church work and take the 1-day windsurfing course soon.. And work really hard.
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am , regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Jimmy Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Still Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a Bad Day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Are Ya OK Now? - No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
What? STILL having a Bad Day?
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits..
Send some rain, would You send some rain? 'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud? Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid But maybe not, not today Maybe You'll provide in other ways And if that's the case . . .
(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You With gratitude For lessons learned in how to thirst for You How to bless the very sun that warms our face If You never send us rain
Daily bread, give us daily bread Bless our bodies, keep our children fed Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight Wrap us up and warm us through Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time Or maybe not, not today Maybe You'll provide in other ways And if that's the case . . .
(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You With gratitude A lesson learned to hunger after You That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread
Oh, the differences that often are between What we want and what we really need
So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace Move our hearts to hear a single beat Between alibis and enemies tonight Or maybe not, not today Peace might be another world away And if that's the case . . .
(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You With gratitude For lessons learned in how to trust in You That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream In abundance or in need And if You never grant us peace
It's been a long time, I ate Takoyaki & enjoyed original blended yam bubble tea (which is not purple in colour).
Remembered the forgotten taste, thought about it for the longest time, and move on.
It is a beautiful Thursday morning. Looking out from my office's window, the sun is shining brightly on the city buildings, the sea, port and Sentosa island.
Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. =)
After all that i went through in the last 2 yrs of my 1st job, the tears & joy, it will finally come an end soon. I remember the most hectic days where even the photocopier is not fast enough to keep up with your pace, coming back to office on a sunday night just to do filing; working with my senior, manager, the client - accountant and financial controller until 10pm in Tuas to discuss the figures, going back to own office to continue work until 2am; slogging for weeks straight and finale with work until 4am and continuing at 8.30am on the following day... laughing happily n crazily with my colleague on a friday 10.30pm because we can go home early... All the insults, scoldings and stress involved with different seniors, managers, accountants, finance managers, financial controllers, directors, working with people, working alone, contacting overseas people, south africans, koreans, americans, french, australians, taiwanese, india, hong kong nationals..... went to indonesia alone, discovering discrepancies and seeing the reaction of the australian directors and worries of the indo staff.... all the hilarious antics with colleagues, crazy hours.. all the korean n japanese food....
What an adventurous ride in 2 yrs..
Quitting job by 30 July, going off for missions for probably a month, first time in my life get a laptop for myself, find new job again, finish up my studies.. Taking care of myself more...
Looking forward to some rest to counter some mental & emotional burnout, taking time to pray n seek the Lord, a weekend at tioman to meet the beach & sea, find more time to enjoy meals with close friends, hanging out with family at home, taking care of people with real needs.. Live a life again, gain new perspective, breathe some fresh air, learn to smile again.... .. to smile.. sigh, to smile..
Remembered a word from God when I was at Melbourne's great ocean road's 12 apostles early last year, as the waves crash against the beautiful statues on the sea - that He is molding me for a beautiful path, and I would not fall even as the waves continually come.
To never, ever give up.
Finally I have found a song to describe my life till now.. =)
If i can serve others as if i were serving Jesus, I am delivered from any feelings of nobility in what i do. It is one thing to lift some drunk out of the gutter, take him home, shower him and put him into my bed. In such a case i might view myself as a wonderful person who did something worthy of praise. On the other hand, if when i look into the eyes of that drunk, i think of ministering to Jesus Himself, I am only left inquiring of myself, "Am I worthy?"
To recognise the image of our God in even the most socially despised of creatures is to become a humble servant of these people.
It's a good time, after coming back from work, after the 5 days of inhumane hours n work stress. at home alone, 30mins before i go for cell group, bathed, with some good music... to try to write abt how the heart felt.. knowing now that ppl rarely read blogs, even better.. smiles :)
--------------------------
It is cold out the night, I wore my favourite sweater walking through the quiet paths straight home, imagining as it was like olden days where children will wave to me from the side as you pass by, and a big golden sun stretching out its arms across the white picket fence before laying down a day's purpose to continue dreaming.
Like a kid 20 years ago in autumn, remember the stacks of leaves? =) remember how we used to swim through it, get ourselves the dirty, comfy little adventures we experience and believe.
yeh eh, how old am i? Or how young i went by or left? did i just lived today, pretend to, or died?
I close my eyes and all I dream is nothing I am 70, I am 25, I am 40. I am running, falling, wading, dragging, flying?
God I am 25 & 30. I am all I can be with nothing. You fill my empty, available cup, ba.
Like a painter whose mind may be set on a moving pattern, I am 25. Like a trustee who knows who guarantees his future, I am 30, need not be 18.
Who is like you who creates the ever-expanding galaxies and take times to fill up my insecurities intricately?
Crisscross our hearts with your gentle, everlasting love. open its corner to flow out to the next heart. Calm our stormy souls, one word and be still. Buckle us with righteousness, like a seatbelt save us from our careless undertakings.
------------
ok, what a wandering mind, go lie down a while n go cell group/
God is speaking in solitude, asking what is my name. And for a man of failures, it is a difficult name to swallow. To learn to view from the Father's perspective, and based on His immeasurable love, rise up.
Victor \Vic"tor\, n. [L. victor, fr. vincere, victum, to vanquish, to conquer. See Vanquish.]
1. The winner in a contest; one who gets the better of another in any struggle; esp., one who defeats an enemy in battle; a vanquisher; a conqueror; -- often followed by at, rarely by of. [1913 Webster]
In love, the victors from the vanquished fly; They fly that wound, and they pursue that die. --Waller. [1913 Webster]
2. A destroyer. [R. & Poetic] [1913 Webster]
There, victor of his health, of fortune, friends, And fame, this lord of useless thousands ends. --Pope. [1913 Webster]
Source: The Collaborative International Dictionary of English v.0.48
had been working for quite intense & long hrs lately as an auditor. at first thought my audit peak period will last for maybe 2-3 months, later realised that it might last for 5-6 months..
sunday worked till 3am, monday worked till 4am. had a nice sleep last night 9.30pm-5am. today have to continue the challenge.
a long day at work, my eyes felt like it'll pop out soon n i'm having headache for days.. anyway, went to facebook n a friend posted all the photos of years ago, bring me a lot of nostalgia.. =)
it's wonderful to see how God leads us thru the days & years, to grow to another phase of life and to grow more like Him.
k la, gotha sleep... tomorrow is another long day again..
Hmm, not for the quest to greatness but follow Christ's exemplary life of being a servant. =)
sometimes very influenced by the workplace's demanding workload to be strong n hide your weaknesses, but my senior really shown me how to be strong in weakness, even in dealing with high-ranking clients.
It's a Monday, another week to start off with all my heart & strength, with God's grace =)
It's been quite some time since i blogged. Had been caught in the whirlwind of auditing peak period, travelling back and forth from Tuas to my office in city area, working real late for 3-4 weeks straight, taking cab, pull thru late nights, fell sick 4 times without taking medical leave and recovered. But it's been great, learned a lot, had more perseverance and determination in my work and life.
Then it's Titus & Jaelyn's wedding. =) i'll narrate from the wedding driver's perspective ba..
1 part - The morning
It feels different to be the first to arrive at the groom's house, and the only one that is so well-"dressed", in a suit.. saying hi to titus' uncles and aunties, pai seh pai seh, eat the very sedap mee siam, and talking to his cousins from m'sia, sg & france (i forgot exactly how they were related).
eventually the brothers arrived, titus' uni hall mates & JC friends, very happening & humourous ppl (imagine another 2 Alans there). when time's up, fill up the bridal car's boot with lots of stuff, put some drinks in the car, insert key n press a button to start the engine, and roar.
titus, his bro (david) and I looked at another, "ok, let's go", and then there goes the 1st ride on the most important day of his life. I'm not sure how they felt, but it seems that in the silence, there hangs a thick air of nervousness.
i'm lying on my bed with laptop propped up against my bended legs, sitting on my stomach. it's 10pm and i want to sleep soon, today's a better tues cos get to go home early on a working peak period. random thoughts.
had a nice chat with the taxi driver on the way to a company far off from my office. he complained abt his son who's 27 and still hanging around with playful friends and spending every dime of his pay on entertainment. also talked abt his view on all religions are the same, being a Buddhist but also helped to fetch old ppl to every sunday church service. I didn't tell him abt the truth that lingers on my mind... should tell.. don't just try to understand & please ppl only... sian
had an ok but tiring day at work though no OT. dinner @ Wendy's. new fastfood @ lau pa sat. so full now. may get fatter. slim plan failing, no good, not healthy. lethargic. mom nag. ha.
my colleagues are fun n responsible, hard to find.
it's weird but started developing interest in economics. Interesting to learn to be the final user of financial information and dream about creating wealth for missions.
warren buffet & zig ziglar, new books for reading. book worm lately. need to prioritize TAWG n read more God's word instead.
doing the will of God vs Quest for self-fulfillment.
Common misconception abt money: Ownership vs Stewardship
Need to be more diligent and do the things that should be done, now.
A better tuesday. sky darkens, wind caresses the leafs to sway and sleep
Had a really tiring weekend, understood that I can't shoulder some tasks alone, if not I will fall sick / burn out soon. Need to learn to delegate, encourage & raise up others =)
Going to sleep now at nearly 10pm, cos simply very tired, read about a passage from a book that light up my eyes, so i'm whipping out my laptop to type this before going back to read & sleep =P :
Elisabeth Elliot, a woman I deeply respect, wrote to her nephew Pete, "The world cries for men who are strong - strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray that you will be that kind of man - glad that God made you a man, glad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contempt.
I want to be that kind of man. I have a long way to go. I fail more often than I succeed. I let my sin, my fear, and my laziness get the best of me. But i want to change. I know that God has made me a man for a reason. No matter what culture says, or even what some women say, I want to gladly 'shoulder the burden of manliness'.
I guess the best example to be a man is by looking at the life of Jesus while he was on earth, gentle like a dove, wise as a serpent, rebuke when necessary, forgive freely, enjoy life in busyness, speak at the right time, lead by example, give out of compassion, suffer for the right cause, take care of family even in lowest point of life.
It's good to remind myself, else I live day by day merely to get by.
Best friend getting married soon, someone's gotha be the driver =P
He who every morning plans the transactions of the day and follows out that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the most busy life...
But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incident, chaos will soon reign.
-Victor Hugo
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
first day in audit assist in contacting client & doing up some stuffs, tomorrow - 2nd day need to go audit a public listed company liao.. woah, steep learning curve...
Christmas is coming soon! =) goodness I was so caught up with work & studies, didn't realise it's near. Stayed at home all day to study, got tired and signed in to my YouTube subcription, wow they've gotten famous now. I think this is their latest video post, sweet eh, totally. =P Do check out their other christian covers.
I'm so inspired to attempt some vocal stuffs & learn some guitar; inspired only, no action taken, heh heh. Bit numbed at the usual drumming, should practice. Bit too used to the current way of life, wished I could don a cool outfit after work and work on my drums in a quiet jazz bar, playing to the tunes of some R&B (like the video below), pop rock, jazz songs in a warm acoustic setting. Followed by a nice long chat with close buddies, with iced milo & roti prata, ending with a glass of red wine.
I'm officially missing the ideal. (so says the boy-man standing on greener grass)
Tried to clear my office PC’s Microsoft outlook. Took a few minute just to empty my ‘deleted items’. Now my emails amount to about 1.7Gb. Realised I screen thru 30-50 emails a day. ha
I find it important to catch up on some reading even though life can be very hectic at times. I just completed a quick read thru my housemate's "One month to live" by Kerry & Chris Shook and a little start for "Approval addiction" by Joyce Meyer & "Walking in your shoes" by Robert A. Schuller. Decided to put on hold Nelson Mandela's autobiography until after my exams, but, my, what an interesting childhood he had in africa. =)
In "1 month to live", the authors talked about how would u live your life if you were being told by the doctor that uu only had 30 days left to live. It expounded on the 4 points of:
Live passionately (living each day as if it were your last) Love completely (showing others love that transcends & transforms) Learn humbly (growing thru your problems and pains) Leave boldly (creating a legacy that will impact generation)
It really got me down to see the core of life and helped see what worldly things that easily entangle my thoughts and cripple my values when I don't get down on my knees.
"Guard the secret theater of your heart. See nothing there that you do not want to see happen in reality." -Roy H. Williams
Lately while having lunch with my colleagues, we chatted about food and when I talked about the good chicken rice restaurant, having it with a couple of loved ones with the various dishes served, they pointed out to me that I am smiling from ear to ear and said that I am such a simple person to be satisfied. ha. happy only. Well, with a 160GB iPod in hand, fun colleagues, wonderful family, great roommate, nice cell group, caring ppl ard and my bro is visiting soon, how not to?
It's a sunday at about 6.20pm, the sun is setting and i am a day closer to my exams and tax submission deadline. But thank God that today happened and there's tomorrow to wake up to.
oh ya, my architect-to-be sis showed me an awesome YouTube video of a gifted man who has photographic memory n able to draw out the whole city of rome in panoramic view after taking a 45-min helicopter trip.
hmm...
heard this story abt a man who went to the market to buy some fruits and saw God actually manning one of the stalls. So he walked towards it and God asked him, "what do u want?" The man hesitate for a while, thought it over and said, "I want joy, peace and happiness for the rest of my life". God replied,
"Sorry, I don't sell fruits. I provide seeds."
This story really got to me when i first read it, hopefully i'll always sow the right seeds n reap the harvest.
Nothing to say, 3 quotes to end this. Don't wanna be a 'quotey' person by the way, but too nice to be left untyped, hee. let's learn to live fearlessly & unselfishly for God.
This is your life. Are you who you want to be?
-Switchfoot
Security is a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
-Helen Keller
Don't ask what the world needs, Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
so far study progress is catching up well.. quite tired though cos have to study then at work have to OT also.
I just got myself a mp3 player that can store ALL my mp3s!! palm sized 160GB super big storage, haha, so happy, finally can have every songs in my fingertips and can bring everywhere, listen to all sort of things, gonna record in the audio bible soon, somemore can read the verses on screen at the same time, so happeeee.
lately i'm reading Psalms 100+, one of the chapters that has many many verses. talks abt finding delight and guidance in the command/word of God, delighting in it more than earthly riches. soon to find out the richness and nourishment of God's word. yum.
so far that's abt it, count down abt 6 weeks to the end of tax's peak period, exam n going into audit peak period. next 4 mth's gonna be very very challenging. super steep learning curve.
like what Pastor Wendy Ching shared last sunday, must always remember the faithfulness of God n his past wonderful works in our lives. So comforted when she assured me thru the ministering time that i'm right on track n God wants to use me for His glory n praise.
till then, i must be prepared to be looked down by people but still do my best n learn good n fast.
She’s gonna give a free open-air performance outside Ion this Friday. Saw the organizer already set up the seats everyday when I pass by.. hmm… I think I will still choose to go home instead of staying back to watch.
15Malaysia is a short film project. It consists of 15 short films made by 15 Malaysian filmmakers. These films not only deal with socio-political issues in Malaysia, they also feature some of the best-known faces in the country, including actors, musicians and top political leaders. You may think of them as funky little films made by 15 Malaysian voices for the people of Malaysia.....
pondered over my life and see what do i really want to do..
observed the attitudes and life of others, christians, managers, financial controllers, company directors, managing directors, other account execs, auditors, corp secretarial staff, admin staffs, TnT ppl, pastoral staff, cell group leaders, housemates, friends, teenz ppl, australian dudes, indonesians, myanmar n china nationals..
ups and downs, perks and what-nots..
i think now i have a slightly better understanding on what to do n what to avoid in life, but it's still mainly about doing the very things God has put in your hands and doing his will. the world has a very subtle way of persuading your mindset. there's only 1 life to live, only 1.. not to waste but give it for eternity.
went to my primary sch classmate's wedding today. she's the only "outside my church" friend who is a christian. attended her wedding ceremony n luncheon held at danga bay. many pastors n friends joined n the ceremony is great. i really can see the difference between someone who receives Christ n loves him. the blessings n God's guidance is so vastly different from my other non-christian pri sch mates. she's married to a young specialist doctor n will move to melbourne soon. from her gratitude speeches, can really see how God bring different ppl into her life to guide her n made her into the person she is today.
wow.. being in love with God n walking in his path makes ALL the difference in the world. it's not all about the blessings, it's the difference in character - being refined to be pure gold.
i'm so tired after the luncheon, going back to SG again n despite the Hari Raya holidays, got classes during public holiday but i'm thankful to God for his providence n guidance daily.
hopefully there'll be no more weddings to attend next month.
life's ok, work's ok, studies' ok... bits of here and there, nothing much to say.. been watching quite a bit of youtube lately, here's 2 touching auditions :)
Went to Timbre @ the arthouse with my roomies. He said there's great music and I should go at least once for exposure. It's quite nice, beside the river at raffles. The ambience is great. Had a glass of Chardonnay. I think the group's best rendition is Taylor Swift's teardrops on my guitar.
very nice la, everything, but just felt very sien. still preferred music@church.
Last week we met up with Joel @ New york new york, City Hall. He's flying back soon, gonna study masters @ Stamford. Great time catching up.
just bought the most expensive workbook of my life, the advanced taxation workbook cost me S$65, about RM150 i think, for the beautiful cover and 1.5 inch stack of binded paper.. well, gotha study anyway, after vomiting some blood, ha.
i found myself loss for words sometimes, which might be good, less talk more action.
been tired for a very long time, i longed for rest, for a long sleep, time out, vacation, for the moment in worship service where this flood of freshness will wash over me.
then i thought i can do this right now, after bathing, to come before him with fullness of my heart, acknowledging my need and addressing his love n power, express my gratefulness and bring forth my petition, recall his promises, rest my unfruitful thoughts, rest in Him. so let's do this.
it's time to rest, to push, to soar; tip toe dancing on the blue line, whistle a yellow tune, watch birds fly. i like the mornings, i love the setting. we walk across the streets till the orange sun comes up, see the grey shadows form and disappear into the side tight houses. it's bright, it's windy, chilly. My tie's a flying. no school. let's get something to eat. what's your favourite, what's mine. buns. Don't rush, sooth it like time and its heat will run. enjoy the slow brown gravy. enjoy the company. enjoy the enjoy. we thought of sitting on the purple bench, we thought of dreaming. we sit on the green grass contemplating the blue. we become bun eaters, become cool. we become pilots, doctors. we design, teach, guide. we become rich. we remain white simple. our little hearts turn giant. giant in vision, giant in love. giant in patience. giant in life. giant. big ones. chubby. little did our eyes squint enough to let the sun reflect some. shiny when look from the sidelines.
it's time. oh my silver coin. it flipped out and rolled into the drain. we discuss. we decide. i thought i would leave it. i went in. pick up. wipe a wipe. good to use. yeah. good to use. for another bun, another day for the same. move and sky. always. move and sky.
SG national's day over. Starting work again soon tomorrow, result's gonna be out soon, in a week. nice song below, reminds me of the Beatles. warm fuzzy feelings before i sleep. can't believe i said that, ha.
You tucked me in, turned out the light Kept me safe and sound at night Little girls depend on things like that
Brushed my teeth and combed my hair Had to drive me everywhere You were always there when I looked back
You had to do it all alone Make a living, make a home Must have been as hard as it could be
And when I couldn't sleep at night Scared things wouldn't turn out right You would hold my hand and sing to me
Caterpillar in the tree How you wonder who you'll be Can't go far but you can always dream
Wish you may and wish you might Don't you worry, hold on tight I promise you there will come a day Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away Flap your wings now you can't stay Take those dreams and make them all come true
Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away We've been waiting for this day All along and knowing just what to do Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly fly away
just now watched a movie trailer abt a realist who fell in love with a poet, and the words he spoke in some of the occasions were astounding. Things like when someone else confronted him, he pushed the person angrily and said "there's a holiness to the heart's affection that you know nothing about".
woah, haha, nice! how i miss poetry. music like this, some poetry, a McD choc milkshake and a bible under esplanade during sunset would make a perfect evening =)
"A thing of beauty is a joy forever, its loveliness increases, it will never pass into nothingness."
I can't believe I forgot to attend Dawn's wedding practice. So coming sat gotha be there early to go through the songs and enjoy the ceremony & luncheon thereafter.
Thank God i'm much better, don't wanna fall sick again for this month. this morning my colleague happen to hop into the bus at the same time and began telling me about this perpetual tiredness she felt since starting work. Looks like i'm not the only one, cheers mate. and then in the office, read "our daily bread" and it teaches abt giving thanks in every circumstances. I like the way the heart feels when it starts giving thanks for teeny tiny bacon bits and also the major blessings for today. Ok, after postponing for more than 2 weeks, reminder to buy a good empty book to keep a journal with God.
Thank God for coming long weekend because monday's a public holiday due to SG's national day, and it also marks my 1 year anniversary in the workforce! I can't believe I survived and broke through! =)
Made a 3-seconds evaluation and I know i'm stronger, wiser, have more capacity in handling colleagues, managers & directors, work and I recognise the widened room for growth. The next half year will be even more crazy but I want to make it worthwhile. I'm also glad that after taking a break from TEENz, i have time to spend with my outside friends, talk crap, encourage them and hopefully lead them come to Christ one day.
ok, tired, sleep.
just browsed through photos of my bro visiting my uncle & aunt in Perth, nice place.. This is my uncle's website, recommended for those who love arts, esp photography. It's been many yrs since I visit him & my aunt, maybe will do so if going there again.
