is it..

to most i am this, to a handful i am that, to some, maybe; to the few, silently.

Purpose

"God’s purpose is not to perfect me to make me a trophy in His showcase; He is getting me to the place where He can use me. Let Him do what He wants.."
~Oswald Chambers (My utmost for His highest devotional)

Stress management

Learning to handle a "small" manufacturing company. To them it's small, to me & my inexperience, it's overwhelming at times.

Coping with a work that I heard usually need months of training first. How long am I working here, slightly over 2 months, do I look like a kiddo with too heavy responsibilities. Learning.. learning.. to be dependable, to hold up with colleagues and a support group of staff older than me.. To be able to hold a good level of understanding and give sound advice when they come to me.. and to cope well in my personal capacity. Not a manager but due to being somewhat in the lower middle of the corporate ladder, have to serve the supporting staff members. First time doing so, previously in SG only an assistant. Many things to learn & teach & guide, many more hours to put in, much more leadership qualities & problem-solving skills expected.

And where is God, have my whirlwinds spin Him off the centre of my life? I came to church so exhausted i think i yawned a dozen times during prayer, there are many things done and not done; there are things that I have done well and things I used to hold on to tightly but now have neglected. Eh... I have changed.

Faith is not a crutch. Faith may be a strength unknown of human ability & a vision with a purpose. And I know Your joy is exceeding and never fades. You never change, Your love is always the same. So here I am, to abide & follow You, everywhere from the drum stool to the executive chair, and to the hopeful unknown region in future.

Found in You

There are many things that could warm a heart; by having a fulfilling career, great family, lovely partner, beautiful children, close friendships. A home, a house, a fun car, all-round growing ministry.

But above these desires, I am found in You. I am found in You. And I'll live the life You want me to.

Our main business

‎"Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand."

~Thomas Carlyle

Father Samaan and Garbage City

This is a short documentary on Father Samaan and "Garbage City" where the Zabaleen of Egypt live. It is about the miraculous transformation of the people through Christ and the building of the Church in the Mokattam Mountain.

1st episode - done!

Today marks the end of 1st episode of this career in JB. Merging, assist to manage & now relocating back to main office for a combined accounting staff of 30+.

Had the best chicken rice in PG @ LAN coffee cafe..

Next, SAP & new consolidation pack. Waiting & hoping to be posted soon.

This is the video that will make me work harder, much harder

Joy

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Falling apart

There is a very fragile thin line holding everything outside the family. I am a bad juggler in rubber balls like ministry, work & studies. Say work, well I have been sick 3 times already and once waking up at 4am to do work but to find myself falling back to sleep again every hour until 7am and later show up in office tired. Bad stress management. Ministry - I have not been follow through "-ing" completely. Bad ministry partner. Studies - who knows what can this guy come up with - been so smart to study at McD from 7-8.30am before a 10-12hrs work day, eventually burning himself up to fall sick and look sickly tired at work. Bad time management.

If not for the grace of God, the guy sitting a few feet away from you is quietly falling apart. What I am, the things He has made beautiful in my life, in His time, it's all Him. No me.

Going to sleep, too much in mind. Got a feeling, something's gonna burn up soon.

窗外瞭望

窗外瞭望

晨雾茫茫
缓缓升起太阳
匆匆一天开场
有人已经在忙，有人才刚起床
后脚还在梦乡，前脚踩进天光
当我将双眼闭上
一条泪河
窜流中央...

Names

There are a handful of names going thru my head soon, names unheard of in CBC, probably seen before in person but not knowing them. This thing leads from handling the band, no choice. On a separate matter, I am happy to safely say my music collection is now complete.

As for the singers for the band, think Glee. Probably.

Ps 39

“Show me, LORD, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath,
even those who seem secure."

“Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom;
in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth
without knowing whose it will finally be."

the beautiful weekend

sister came back.

went for a malay wedding luncheon with dad n sis, thereafter visited the monash medical campus in the hospital, admire the colonial architecture. drove around old town area, admiring beautiful houses and had great time with dad.

Ming Soon came by our house for a while, he shared his joy of praying to God and getting his desires, got an A for UPSR malay and gotten entry to English College - meaning don't have to leave home to the vocational school for handicapped in KL.

heard from sis about his mom's testimony, a powerful word from God in the book of John about the story of the blind man, being born blind not because of the parent's sins but for the glory of God. She cried n cried after reading this..

celebrated sis' n dad's birthday.
attended company's annual dinner.

still had outstanding office work though. massive stress after being informed after sat night.

missed wmm committee meeting, missed church's vision casting meeting, missed david n nec's farewell party. missed sun service's sermon. missed socializing with friends. settled part of christmas prac, still settling christmas' youth band arrangement - more than i expected, hope will be great for the kids.

watched online new life church sermon. Learned about the greatest desire of God, expounded from Genesis, Ezekiel and Isaiah. cried.

cell group was great too.

find myself kept listening to this song.. find lots of comfort in tiredness..

Rubber-band life

Another long day at work, near those make-it-or-break-it days..

Life feels like a big big rubber-band, it never stops stretching.

Got a feeling that it's the start of the next great 10-year cycle. Tough but unexpectedly fulfilling, again the road less travelled?

The Here and Now and Not Yet

What prosperity gospel gets right, what suffering theology gets wrong, how both miss the point.. reading..

http://glennpackiam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2010/11/the-here-and-now-and-not-yet.html

Loved

opps, falling sick again.. too much too much....



"I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved. I am not sure that you are of the same kind. But the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave. This is the world of literature and speech and I shall take leave to tell you that you are very dear."
-G.Eliot


I thank God that during this Sunday's worship, out of the many things He could have said, He reassured that I am loved.

And the 2nd best thing that happened is that my best friend asked "how are you?". It has been a long while, I can't remember when's the last that somebody asked how am I as the start and content of a whole conversation.


Glee

Dreams

I guess the ownership and clarity of dreams would move me forward.

Sesame Street - drums

Kermit interviews Animal, discussing his influences and his love of drums. When animal mentions that he likes to eat his drums, Kermit says, “How ‘cymballic’,” prompting Animal to yell, “Bad pun! Bad pun!” Kermit decides not to replace Animal with a new drummer, Tony Checkers, after Animal beats Kermit senseless.

• During the first drum solo on this compilation, Animal plays so fast that his drums go up in flames.
• The second drum duet is a classic drum-off between the great Buddy Rich and Animal. Buddy Rich’s talents cause Animal’s jaw to drop open, before he throws a drum at Buddy’s head in a fit of rage. This is one of the best Sesame Street sketches of all-time, AND it displays examples of rudimental techniques combined with great showmanship.
• Animal shows how overplaying can annoy the other musicians in the band (and the audience). The singer Rita Moreno, is not impressed with Animal’s hilariously out-of-control playing during the song, “Fever.” When an aggravated Rita tells Animal to chill, he decides to play in an even louder and out of control manner.

Campus dreams

If I were to take my course on a full-time basis rather than online, this would be the place I frequent for lectures. Goodbye, campus dreams. Hereon to the professional working world..

great movie for deepavali =)

sofa chair room

i could use a comfy sofa-chair & calming lights in the room..

romanticize, london skies

Heartbreak truth

You are not your own

"...The first thing God does is get us grounded on strong reality and truth. He does this until our cares for ourselves individually have been brought into submission to His way for the purpose of His redemption. Why shouldn’t we experience heartbreak? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us collapse at the first grip of pain. We sit down at the door of God’s purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity. And all the so-called Christian sympathy of others helps us to our deathbed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, as if to say, “Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.” If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?"

~Oswald Chambers

The Switch

every once in a while in all randomness, something unexpected happens and it pushes us all forward; and the truth is, when i'm starting to think, when i'm starting to feel, is that maybe the human race isn't a race at all.

If i were to be a singer, i'll be..

Khalil Fong.

方大同

when u can't get enough of the same song

The 6 greetings

1) Oh my goodness it's so hard to find young musicians that are willing to practice, i don't even require much talent, none are willing to prac, very few find passion in the joy of music-making or worship. goodness will the next musical generation cease to survive..

2) yay, the holding company launches its first sustainability report today! In accordance with the Global Initiative Report, finally the world's leading edible oil manufacturer has put environmental and social responsibility on paper to satisfy the larger stakeholders.. hope that tomorrow won't be too tiring.. big report to prepare with my inexperienced mind.. goodness i still have to prepare for the coming exam too and prevent myself from falling sick again..

3) it just started raining now at 10.30pm, the rain falls down, breaking the tangled rambutan leaves to the ground, or the rusty zink covering outside my room, produces an incomprehensible serenity to be enjoyed lying on the bed with utter silence. Not one word to be spoken after breathing in the wet, fresh whisk of sky, breathing out sheer delight.

4) i find stewardship management to be fairly effective in corporate leadership and also in ministry. Not that it is a great method, but a great lifestyle.


5) oh my goodness look at that little kid, can she get any cuter than this?

6) how are you? =)

There are only very few close friends who can understand that these 6 things can come out from the same person at the same time if he chooses to... maybe it's preferable that i stay single for now, lol.

wise

somebody said all the predicaments paid the sacrifice to make me a wiser person..
sigh... can't feel much wiser, the eyes felt older though..


iWise

Sunset musings

it is the sunset sky n family that makes me stay.

and today, on a Sunday, while on the way back after packing dinner for family, the sunset rests above the flowing trees on a windy slow fall. Simply - beautiful.

Would it be more wonderful? I asked Him would it be made true in the future, for the waves would never stop for its beaches. Would it be made true, in the breath of a thousand sighs and quiet wishes. In the tired grip on the steering wheels at the end of the day, after the laughs of young teenagers and aged adults, or the smiling distant faces and fading memories. Could You search it once again today, the heart which yearns for something, search it through and through, a heart longing to be home with You.

Wipe my invisible tears, O Lord. Just want to be quiet in Your love. To be still and know that the heart of hearts is given to you, for I know I can trust in your love. I can be still... I can be still.

It's beautiful to me

"It's beautiful to me
Your holy mystery
I'm standing here in awe
Of how you make everything
So beautiful to me
Someday I will see
How You hold this wounded heart
And make it perfect and complete
And it's beautiful to me
Beautiful"

~Kerrie Roberts

=)

tendency

if for anything i start developing a habit of pushing myself until the brink of falling sick; if not then slack like nobody's business, seldom have healthy consistency.. better rest more now.... and change.

Sundays

Glad to find a photo that depicts the current feeling, tired & thinking. This Sunday surprised to find my neighbour (a 12-yr old blind boy) sitting at the front portion in the church hall after i played the drums, he came to english service just because i'm there.. wow. (supposed to be at bilingual service with mum) Mom's now looking for ways to get him a Braille bible.

If there is anything attributable to my own effort & success, it is never my circle of influence. I find God can mold me through the years and place people in my life to be a positive impact to them, not by the sheer effort of wanting to influence people, but by abiding in Him and he will somehow open a way for me to walk in the specific path He prepared. And it seems that nowadays it is the path of picking up those left behind and stand by the broken-hearted. And as soon as I start to think how great am I to be doing this and resumed doing this my way with my method, I start to get tired easily. Now you know why I'm tired, ha.

If to sum up what I've observed over these few years, is that the path to greatness (fulfilling life's calling / live life most satisfactorily) seems to be a path to smallness. Maybe that's why they called it ministry, all the "mini's" and you have to "try", sort of, ha. You shall increase, I shall (either the hard or easy way) decrease.


"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."
~Solomon (Ecc 12:13)


Christmas wish this year:
- Friends and family healthy, fruitful & happy
- Pass my exams confidently
- Somebody borrow me A.W. Tozer's book: The Pursuit of God =)

Cell group

no words needed..

OH MY GOSH

oh my gosh i just amended the messiest poem (before amendment) i've ever written to be submitted for church publication!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jane Lui

Goodnight company =)

Just the way you are

Seldom listen to radio songs, but this is different. The way to Billboard #1 is to let them know who they really are - special.

new blog skin & phase

"lala blah blah blu bluek blueah!"

goes the initial blog title and then i thought i'd better put a proper one in.

Changed the skin, changed the tone, went back to how I used to write - with a pic and music to set the tone.. Too bad I just came back from office at 9, would imagine myself wrapped thick on a white beach bench on a winter morning with hot cocoa.

I had one those moments again, if you ever had a wacky idea or 'could-it-possibly' scenario fooling around your mind and you entertain it like a leisurely squash game.

I have nothing to write about but a myriad of imaginations butterflying with a music like this. A quick getaway from office, after they acquired a group of companies with annual sales topping a billion, messy documentations and unmotivated staff. And unfinished accounting studies.

I walked pass the tall mirror to the kitchen, amused at myself, 'cause I changed into a blue flowered Hawaiian bermuda pants while still wearing the formal white striped shirt. "That's so me!"

Tomorrow's gonna be a war to finish all unfinished business, in office. Sigh.

but still.. Praise the Lord, I have a much better life now compared to the past 2 yrs in SG.

--

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." ~Maya Angelou


~joking, but seriously, kick some.

testing new camera..

Leaders drive

Dad

nostal-door

past

mutterings..

worry lines of life

praying for open doors..

speck, plank, light

sis said don't read photography articles, take the photo just as i see it.. try try...

Dreamer

One of the worst moments in my life is the shattering of dreams. But it's been a while, and at home after work, after the night's dream-come-true home-cooked dinner, here it comes again, not the shattering part but recollection of old and new ones.

Above deviantart picture entails almost exactly how it felt sometimes when i was driving home from work, sitting in church with closed eyes, jogging around the stadium at dawn, and lying down on the sofa at home. The tremendous sense of belittling awe, or a relaxing one. And also how it felt sometimes after a long day of work in the past, back to a quiet dark condo seeing the stars struggling to light up itself distinctly against the city sky, like myself. There is rest, there is a little fear, there is some hope, some darkness, light, there is beauty, dullness, past, present and yeah - future. reality rich in imagination. Like a dream. like a dreamer.

Do I still continue to hold on to the old ones, like the one i had since about 15, of sitting on the drum stool on a huge elevated stage in a open air christian concert at dusk, playing with such passion in the oblivion of tens of thousands worshipers singing holy. Or the little, already destroyed ones, of leading a wonderful inspiring cell group of 13, 14 year-olds, grooming them into well-matured leaders that will rock the world.

there are also more reality based ones like holding a paper creased into a roll, holding my head confidently with a squarish hat with a short line hanging back down like a crystalised short stream of tears (of hardwork & trepidation). Or the fulfillment of all artistic hungry pangs as stated in the previous post.

Or at last, the simplicity of loving someone who will love back.




Time passes, some shut eyes will remain shut eyed. tastes change. Some unexpected ones came true though. Like the moment I be story-teller to a cutey little orphan girl in Cambodia, to found out that all she wants is just someone to be around her, and that the 101 Dalmatians book I read is the exact book I read as a child.

And sitting on the shallow side of the beach with no cares of the world or time, windsurfing, kayaking and snorkeling to a nearby little island. Lying on a pitch dark beach, seeing shooting stars.

And riding free along the seaside at sunset, or jazz drumming alone in dimmed yellow light at seaside. Or writing the best possible poem. Or the all-so-surprised smiles coming from colleagues, family & friends. Time well spent talking and shouldering other people's burdens. Having super great siblings whom I can pour my heart out to and trust completely, whether at home or in Melbourne. So many of them and I feel thankful. yet for now..



I dream of waking up bruised and broken in a war-torn country yet full of fiery passion and joy for other souls. I dream of backpacking nepal and cambodia. I dream having short business trips to Europe. I dream of planing across the sea at above 50km/h, really windsurfing. I dream of staying with a local family in Italy or France, to learn a different culture & lifestyle. I dream of finishing my studies and retain an open mind of continuous learning. I dream of finally being completely free to live and love fearlessly. I dream of spending the rest of the evening walking in streets of Rome with a loved one. I dream of having a beautiful wife and daughter to spend the rest of my life loving them.

so far are the dreams at 10.50pm. so much more to come when i lie down on my bed. I pray that i'll lay each it of them down at each new day to live relentlessly and un-apologetically true to myself and my God. I don't know if this is possible but it excites me. hee..

They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, and moves on with each next little steps.

The day a mind speaks

If there is something i would like to do really well (besides studies) is to take great unedited natural light portraits and black & whites, and to pick up the people left behind.

Happen to have a 50 cent australian coin beside me, reminds me of my bro everytime i see it.

was sick, took MC and stayed home all day (almost) and watched Eat, Pray, Love. How much I missed the better movies in the past. Intelligent quotes and musings don't make up enough for puffed up contemporary content.

Need to learn to stand on my feet in workplace because greater responsibilities may be coming.

Gosh i'm so hungry intellectually and artistically. I could use a dream vacation, spend a day learning landscape painting, half day composing modern prose/poetry, 2 days learning to bake french pastry and cook chinese cuisine, 3 days drumming with a jazz and pop band, 5 sunset evenings honing my windsurfing followed by al-fresco dining and listening to live classical music in Prague, 1 day learning basics of photography, join a book club in C.S. Lewis & Emily Dickinson writings, and have study friends in revising accountancy.

I don't complete paragraphs or thoughts or actions anymore, everything seems so random and unlinked. Ideas seems disillusioned, there is no meaning in forming an opinion anymore.

Probably i'm tired and need more rest while still sick. Lightly ignoring the weekday role as an exec, learning n learning to lead.

No, not. I just missed older days when there is no need for Gmail buzz, twitter nor Facebook. Besides family & God, there is no substitute for face to face conversations with old friends.

Now, not influence, not even substance. Nothing out of the circle of family seem to matter anymore.

I am drowning in reconnaissance desire of an undulated Ecclesiastes mood. Even if there is a cure, there seem to be no meaningful definition of spiritual nor secular normalcy.

Love & its defiance of its own gravity

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness."

~Julia Roberts

omnipotence of God by C.S. Lewis

God's omnipotence means power to do all that is intrinsically possible, not to do the intrinsically impossible. You may attribute miracles to Him, but not nonsense. This is no limit to His power. If you choose to say 'God can give a creature free will and and at the same time withhold free will from it', you have succeeded in saying anything about God: meaningless combination of words do not suddenly acquire meaning simply because we prefix to them the two other words 'God can'. It remains true that all things are possible with God: the intrinsic impossibilities are not things but nonentities. It is no more possible for God than for the weakest of His creatures to carry out both of two mutually exclusive alternatives; not because His power meets an obstacle, but because nonsense remains nonsense even when we talk it about God.

-C.S. Lewis

sky boy

he crisscrosses the majestic masses from miles behind me
to across mushrooms of sunsets in the foreshore of light

missing

sounds crazy, but i feel like i've missed out on a lot things living in peaceful times..

marketplace calling

if this is what it takes, here I go.

Canon S95

maybe this will cure my photojournalism and artistic hungry pangs from time to time..

whirlwind

mind's a constant whirlwind.

windsurf against own wind.

so tired.

i hope the 4 newly acquired companies' accounts would be done soon, i'll be super familiar with palm oil & oleochemicals processing and workflow of all processes, i'll finish up my ACCA PER requirement for previous tax and audit directors' approval n signature, settle drums in CBC n english service, assist christmas bilingual & english. study financial reporting n advanced performance management. finish reading CS Lewis & value investing books, done my research in SG & M'sia listed companies, catch up with all my friends, have good time with close ones, enjoy my life, continue practicing windsurfing. take up photography, continue writing blog n poetry. prepare for future local n overseas business trips.

but i can't i can't, because there's too much whirlwind. too much whirlwind. too much whirlwind.....

Heh :)

One of those little special moments which I hope to remember longer :)

Reminds me to appreciate all the quiet giants in church who serve unnoticed.

Guess that I have to continue creating the sole pairs of footsteps on the less preferred path.

Jia you, victor! Jia you! Don't laze around, don't drown yourself in your negative tsunamis. Put in effort in the ministries, your work n studies! Don't give up on yourself, don't give up on the young ones!!

Stars

"Star light, star bright
Wish I may, wish I might"

I remember, I remember,
I wished that thine would shine like an ember

Lesser an angel, lesser a dream
Fulfill heart's constellations that they may be seen

Look far, a dear,
It's patterns woven on thy seams
Hidden below, no fear
a trust never so unseen

Hi there, dear heart
how long has it been
be true, to thyself
and to the maker of thy being.

=)

Feather II (and last)

And here it is, at the end of the windy road
where the paths diverge

Bid goodbyes to an unseen feather already flew away.

It will be beautiful.

It shall.

Beautiful, finally free

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-12

LongDi

Long Di came by Christine's house when morning devotion is about to end. He is thin, average height, wears specs. He is prim n proper, wears a short sleeve collared shirt tucked into his slacks. His shirt is slightly yellowish and old, looking like an aged cloth in a dusty environment.

When he first walked into the house, he seemed quiet and unassuming, like a nice quiet boy brought up from a humble family and moved to the city to further study. He studies law in the university, or maybe already graduated.

He greeted me, put his hands together, "chom-rik-sue", with a smile. His eyes lighted up upon meeting us, and we sat down in the living down. The conversation started, and this 24-year old humble young man spoke.

He talked about the ministry that he is running, trying to create avenue for young people to earn a living while furthering their studies in the city's uni after moving in from the provinces. The 3 learning centres that he is overseeing and the leaders he is training up to live a better life and impact the society. And the clear vision he has for the future.

He does not seem to express the fiery passion for God outwardly like i thought a person with his capabilities would. His tone is calm, he explains what he does like how i would talk to my friend about where to lunch out later.

And in this same unassuming, natural conversation, he ended with this last sentence which i could not remember exactly but is roughly like this:

"My life is meant to live for God, so this is what I will continue to do for His glory".

This is the 10-min conversation that shattered my pride. The many years growing up in church, eventually thinking that to live all for my King is the greatest honour and arduous journey which also command the utmost respect among the same-faith peers is actually just as simple as this - it is only the natural thing to do so.

To follow Christ, to bear his cross, to love God n love others. Isn't that what I have signed for as a Christ-follower? To follow in His footsteps, to fulfill his calling in the works of my hands, to be molded like him in mind, soul n strength could only be the only mission of my life. I can't wash my sins away, I won't earn enough to laugh at the streets of gold, I can't even do anything of my own well without living in His grace.

So this might very well be it, not about being here in Cambodia to do all the wonderful things but more than that - witnessing the lives of the quiet people who magnified Christ and changed the world, and be inspired to do so for the next 50 years of my life.

orphanage programme

e went into the 2nd phase of the mission trip, to join Christine in the Khmer ministry. Ordered about 80 crab fish & sausage sandwiches and brought it into the orphanage. Kids run out of the building to greet us & wanting to hug us even before we got down the ‘tut tut’. They lined up for the sandwiches and we hand it to them one by one, they hold their palms together n thanked us before receiving it, with such pure sincerity and appreciation that I am moved to near tears. To put it in short, we played games, sing songs, did a drama, boon fei shared a bit..

We go off again, saying byes n getting hugs.. I wouldn’t understand that significant contribution we did to impact the place, what have we done to deserve such joy n love from the kids, but while on the way of the sunset ‘tut tut’ ride to the Russian market roadside eatery stalls, it seems that the dusty air and unfamiliar surroundings have dawned on me that He breathed life into my soul. God still breathes, in every willing life, no matter in the slums or royal palace, he died so that we have the opportunity to live; or probably in my case, to see and feel His heartbeat, to learn to love and live.

*P.S. Beef noodles ‘ho sek’ & beef satay ‘ho dai’ wor..

14-28 Aug mission trip..

Pre-mission trip..

Thank God the sharing @ SDJ went well. Although i have forgotten to share my experience, hopefully the story-telling is sufficient.. Boon Fei said for 1st timer is not bad, said that i am a natural sharer... hmm..

Time passed fast and TnT Camp went by like a flash during the long weekend. A lot of good things happened and I'm glad that no matter how uncertain the future holds & how much facts and emotions fluctuate, God loves me dearly & is in control.

I just bought some dry food n wet tissues for the upcoming mission trip to Cambodia.. still have a list of ministry preparation which i haven't completed - testimony, worship leading... kid's drama, song leading, sharing, games.... drum teaching, english teaching assistance..

Want to be fully prepared, also spiritually, for this. I have always wanted to go overseas for missions, i have waited for more than 5 yrs for this....

public speaking for dummies

Internship in church just in the beginning few days has open up my eyes to the many needs of the people around me that has tumbled into the sight n ears of the church full time ppl.

actually have someone guiding in how to listen, how to respond with empathy.. it's common sense but nice to hear from someone saying it again.

tomorrow ish friday CF, need to give 20-mins worth of sharing to 80+ students!!?! so nervous, public speaking is NOT my thing.. prepare prepare prepare.....

Letting God choose..

sigh, yeah..

"We may have secret longings too deep to utter to others—perhaps a desire for marriage, or a work or ministry we’d like to perform, or a special place to serve. We must put each desire in God’s hands and pray, “Lord, You must choose for me. I will not choose for myself...”

http://odb.org/2010/05/05/letting-god-choose/

Last day e-mails..

HEY VICTOR!!!

IM SO SAD that its your last day. I will definitely miss you lots cuz you’ve always been the funny one in the office. I hope that you’ll have a great life ahead.

Hopefully we’ll meet again and wishing you all the best for ur ACCA!!!

Keep in touch k! (:

Smile always. Hahahaha

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Vic,
Congratulations :) You can finally have a good rest:)
When you come to Melbourne, let me know, dinner/ lunch is on me:)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

oh gosh i lost all the others..

Last cup

I'll just have one more, last cup of yam then, on my last day of work.. =)
Before going off to the 1-month church work and take the 1-day windsurfing course soon.. And work really hard.

Feeling down?

Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These . .


In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am , regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Jimmy Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.



Still Having a Bad Day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.


Still think you are having a Bad Day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What? STILL having a Bad Day?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits..

=P

Gratitude..

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Takoyaki & yam

It's been a long time, I ate Takoyaki & enjoyed original blended yam bubble tea (which is not purple in colour).

Remembered the forgotten taste, thought about it for the longest time, and move on.





It is a beautiful Thursday morning. Looking out from my office's window, the sun is shining brightly on the city buildings, the sea, port and Sentosa island.

Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. =)

Music of my life

After all that i went through in the last 2 yrs of my 1st job, the tears & joy, it will finally come an end soon. I remember the most hectic days where even the photocopier is not fast enough to keep up with your pace, coming back to office on a sunday night just to do filing; working with my senior, manager, the client - accountant and financial controller until 10pm in Tuas to discuss the figures, going back to own office to continue work until 2am; slogging for weeks straight and finale with work until 4am and continuing at 8.30am on the following day... laughing happily n crazily with my colleague on a friday 10.30pm because we can go home early... All the insults, scoldings and stress involved with different seniors, managers, accountants, finance managers, financial controllers, directors, working with people, working alone, contacting overseas people, south africans, koreans, americans, french, australians, taiwanese, india, hong kong nationals..... went to indonesia alone, discovering discrepancies and seeing the reaction of the australian directors and worries of the indo staff.... all the hilarious antics with colleagues, crazy hours.. all the korean n japanese food....

What an adventurous ride in 2 yrs..

Quitting job by 30 July, going off for missions for probably a month, first time in my life get a laptop for myself, find new job again, finish up my studies.. Taking care of myself more...

Looking forward to some rest to counter some mental & emotional burnout, taking time to pray n seek the Lord, a weekend at tioman to meet the beach & sea, find more time to enjoy meals with close friends, hanging out with family at home, taking care of people with real needs.. Live a life again, gain new perspective, breathe some fresh air, learn to smile again.... .. to smile.. sigh, to smile..

Remembered a word from God when I was at Melbourne's great ocean road's 12 apostles early last year, as the waves crash against the beautiful statues on the sea - that He is molding me for a beautiful path, and I would not fall even as the waves continually come.

To never, ever give up.



Finally I have found a song to describe my life till now.. =)

..

Psalm 42:11

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Prov 23:23

Buy the truth and do not sell it;
get wisdom, discipline and understanding.

Gifts for 2010

Lord I pray for this 3 things for 2010:

Love, wisdom & discipline

i was struck

If i can serve others as if i were serving Jesus, I am delivered from any feelings of nobility in what i do. It is one thing to lift some drunk out of the gutter, take him home, shower him and put him into my bed. In such a case i might view myself as a wonderful person who did something worthy of praise. On the other hand, if when i look into the eyes of that drunk, i think of ministering to Jesus Himself, I am only left inquiring of myself, "Am I worthy?"

To recognise the image of our God in even the most socially despised of creatures is to become a humble servant of these people.

~Anthony Campolo

heart

It's a good time, after coming back from work, after the 5 days of inhumane hours n work stress. at home alone, 30mins before i go for cell group, bathed, with some good music... to try to write abt how the heart felt.. knowing now that ppl rarely read blogs, even better.. smiles :)

--------------------------

It is cold out the night, I wore my favourite sweater walking through the quiet paths straight home, imagining as it was like olden days where children will wave to me from the side as you pass by, and a big golden sun stretching out its arms across the white picket fence before laying down a day's purpose to continue dreaming.

Like a kid 20 years ago in autumn, remember the stacks of leaves? =) remember how we used to swim through it, get ourselves the dirty, comfy little adventures we experience and believe.

yeh eh, how old am i? Or how young i went by or left? did i just lived today, pretend to, or died?

I close my eyes
and all I dream is nothing
I am 70, I am 25, I am 40. I am running, falling, wading, dragging, flying?

God I am 25 & 30. I am all I can be with nothing. You fill my empty, available cup, ba.

Like a painter whose mind may be set on a moving pattern, I am 25.
Like a trustee who knows who guarantees his future, I am 30, need not be 18.

Who is like you who creates the ever-expanding galaxies and take times to fill up my insecurities intricately?

Crisscross our hearts with your gentle, everlasting love. open its corner to flow out to the next heart. Calm our stormy souls, one word and be still. Buckle us with righteousness, like a seatbelt save us from our careless undertakings.

------------

ok, what a wandering mind, go lie down a while n go cell group/

Victor

God is speaking in solitude, asking what is my name. And for a man of failures, it is a difficult name to swallow. To learn to view from the Father's perspective, and based on His immeasurable love, rise up.


Victor \Vic"tor\, n. [L. victor, fr. vincere, victum, to vanquish, to conquer. See Vanquish.]

1. The winner in a contest; one who gets the better of another in any struggle; esp., one who defeats an enemy in battle; a vanquisher; a conqueror; -- often followed by at, rarely by of. [1913 Webster]

In love, the victors from the vanquished fly; They fly that wound, and they pursue that die. --Waller. [1913 Webster]

2. A destroyer. [R. & Poetic] [1913 Webster]

There, victor of his health, of fortune, friends, And fame, this lord of useless thousands ends. --Pope. [1913 Webster]

Source: The Collaborative International Dictionary of English v.0.48

Attached

I'm attached, I have found the love of my life. =)

Before the morning... [must see]

another day @ work

another day @ work. watched a MTV after dinner before continuing, this is how the desktop looks like....

long long hours

had been working for quite intense & long hrs lately as an auditor. at first thought my audit peak period will last for maybe 2-3 months, later realised that it might last for 5-6 months..

sunday worked till 3am, monday worked till 4am. had a nice sleep last night 9.30pm-5am. today have to continue the challenge.

pray that i can persevere thru this.
=)

if u hav some spare time

facebook memories

a long day at work, my eyes felt like it'll pop out soon n i'm having headache for days..
anyway, went to facebook n a friend posted all the photos of years ago, bring me a lot of nostalgia.. =)

it's wonderful to see how God leads us thru the days & years, to grow to another phase of life and to grow more like Him.

k la, gotha sleep... tomorrow is another long day again..

Strength in weakness

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/our-daily-bread/2010/02/27/devotion.aspx

Hmm, not for the quest to greatness but follow Christ's exemplary life of being a servant. =)

sometimes very influenced by the workplace's demanding workload to be strong n hide your weaknesses, but my senior really shown me how to be strong in weakness, even in dealing with high-ranking clients.

It's a Monday, another week to start off with all my heart & strength, with God's grace =)

YouTube interactive video. =)

Letters to God (movie trailer)

titus' wedding

It's been quite some time since i blogged. Had been caught in the whirlwind of auditing peak period, travelling back and forth from Tuas to my office in city area, working real late for 3-4 weeks straight, taking cab, pull thru late nights, fell sick 4 times without taking medical leave and recovered. But it's been great, learned a lot, had more perseverance and determination in my work and life.

Then it's Titus & Jaelyn's wedding. =)
i'll narrate from the wedding driver's perspective ba..


1 part - The morning

It feels different to be the first to arrive at the groom's house, and the only one that is so well-"dressed", in a suit.. saying hi to titus' uncles and aunties, pai seh pai seh, eat the very sedap mee siam, and talking to his cousins from m'sia, sg & france (i forgot exactly how they were related).

eventually the brothers arrived, titus' uni hall mates & JC friends, very happening & humourous ppl (imagine another 2 Alans there). when time's up, fill up the bridal car's boot with lots of stuff, put some drinks in the car, insert key n press a button to start the engine, and roar.

titus, his bro (david) and I looked at another, "ok, let's go", and then there goes the 1st ride on the most important day of his life. I'm not sure how they felt, but it seems that in the silence, there hangs a thick air of nervousness.

will continue writing more soon..

grandma

taken from my uncle's FB, this is my grandma.

a better tuesday

i'm lying on my bed with laptop propped up against my bended legs, sitting on my stomach. it's 10pm and i want to sleep soon, today's a better tues cos get to go home early on a working peak period. random thoughts.

had a nice chat with the taxi driver on the way to a company far off from my office. he complained abt his son who's 27 and still hanging around with playful friends and spending every dime of his pay on entertainment. also talked abt his view on all religions are the same, being a Buddhist but also helped to fetch old ppl to every sunday church service. I didn't tell him abt the truth that lingers on my mind... should tell.. don't just try to understand & please ppl only... sian

had an ok but tiring day at work though no OT. dinner @ Wendy's. new fastfood @ lau pa sat. so full now. may get fatter. slim plan failing, no good, not healthy. lethargic. mom nag. ha.

my colleagues are fun n responsible, hard to find.

it's weird but started developing interest in economics. Interesting to learn to be the final user of financial information and dream about creating wealth for missions.

warren buffet & zig ziglar, new books for reading. book worm lately. need to prioritize TAWG n read more God's word instead.

doing the will of God vs Quest for self-fulfillment.

Common misconception abt money: Ownership vs Stewardship

Need to be more diligent and do the things that should be done, now.

A better tuesday. sky darkens, wind caresses the leafs to sway and sleep

man

Had a really tiring weekend, understood that I can't shoulder some tasks alone, if not I will fall sick / burn out soon. Need to learn to delegate, encourage & raise up others =)

Going to sleep now at nearly 10pm, cos simply very tired, read about a passage from a book that light up my eyes, so i'm whipping out my laptop to type this before going back to read & sleep =P :


Elisabeth Elliot, a woman I deeply respect, wrote to her nephew Pete, "The world cries for men who are strong - strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray that you will be that kind of man - glad that God made you a man, glad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contempt.

I want to be that kind of man. I have a long way to go. I fail more often than I succeed. I let my sin, my fear, and my laziness get the best of me. But i want to change. I know that God has made me a man for a reason. No matter what culture says, or even what some women say, I want to gladly 'shoulder the burden of manliness'.


I guess the best example to be a man is by looking at the life of Jesus while he was on earth, gentle like a dove, wise as a serpent, rebuke when necessary, forgive freely, enjoy life in busyness, speak at the right time, lead by example, give out of compassion, suffer for the right cause, take care of family even in lowest point of life.

It's good to remind myself, else I live day by day merely to get by.



Best friend getting married soon, someone's gotha be the driver =P

Hello 2010

happy new year =)

got a feeling that it's gonna be a very lean & mean year..
Anyway, some discipline & proper relaxation should do me some good for 2010 =)

Carpe diem

He who every morning plans the transactions of the day and follows out that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the most busy life...

But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incident, chaos will soon reign.

-Victor Hugo

first day in audit assist in contacting client & doing up some stuffs, tomorrow - 2nd day need to go audit a public listed company liao.. woah, steep learning curve...

Exam over - Jazz @ Southbridge

Yay, exam is over!! =)
Celebrated with my roommate and other church friends at the only authentic jazz bar in Singapore - Jazz @ Southbridge

Had the house's white wine and enjoyed the really really awesome music; the piano especially, and xylophone, drums & double bass by the new yorker.

Tomorrow resume work, officially transferred to another department =)

Officially missing you

Christmas is coming soon! =) goodness I was so caught up with work & studies, didn't realise it's near. Stayed at home all day to study, got tired and signed in to my YouTube subcription, wow they've gotten famous now. I think this is their latest video post, sweet eh, totally. =P Do check out their other christian covers.

I'm so inspired to attempt some vocal stuffs & learn some guitar; inspired only, no action taken, heh heh. Bit numbed at the usual drumming, should practice. Bit too used to the current way of life, wished I could don a cool outfit after work and work on my drums in a quiet jazz bar, playing to the tunes of some R&B (like the video below), pop rock, jazz songs in a warm acoustic setting. Followed by a nice long chat with close buddies, with iced milo & roti prata, ending with a glass of red wine.

I'm officially missing the ideal.
(so says the boy-man standing on greener grass)

Battle Studies

=)

Joni Mitchell

Sitting by the window, by the window
Is what I do, what I do.

I watch the winds fly by, I watch them do.

"Bows and flows of angel hair
and ice cream castles in the air
and feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way"

But now they've flew by and block my way
Rain and snow on everyone
So many things that I would have said and done
But clouds got in my way

So I got up and changed
and look at the clouds from both sides now

singing a new tune unlike my sleeping dreams
I swim and swim
to the moon back and forth from the clouds
living light staring out loud

tears and fears and feeling proud
hidden and schemes and circus crowds
slowly faded, flew
forget its taken identity in oceans away

a circle am a life
a hand held am loving alive